Who is unreasonable re fuel?

[Washinginthesun]

Genuinely not sure.
I drive to uni every day. My friend usually lives on campus but is at home this week.
She’s asked me for a lift. She lives on the next street.
Obviously I said yes but asked if she’d split fuel costs for the journeys. She says I’m being unreasonable as I’d be going anyway. I’ve always contributed fuel money if someone gives me a lift somewhere.
We’re at a bit of a stalemate.

You’re sort of unreasonable to ask when it’s a one off week and you’re not going out of your way at all, she’s sort of unreasonable to call you out on it though.

What ??? Is she really being that petty ?
Reply “if I don’t give you alift you will waste hours on transport that will cost you more than the split petrol cost so you are being unreasonable “
or just refuse to give her a lift all together since she doesn’t deserve it anyway

YANBU

It costs a fortune to buy and maintain a car. Those costs are all on you.

It's a pain in the butt to wait around to give someone a lift.

If you want to go somewhere you have to pay for it. It really doesn't matter if other people/buses/trains are going that way - it is your responsibility to pay your way.

You're not tight or stingy or a bad friend. The 'friend' is a cheeky, entitled freeloader.

They pay or they find alternative transport. In fact if they said this to me, I just wouldn't want them in my car as the resentment would piss me off.

Splitting the fuel costs is such a tiny ask considering car costs, to welch at it suggests someone very entitled.

I wouldn't ask a friend for fuel money for a one off lift home when I was going there anyway and I'd probably be happy to have some company.

A regular trip maybe, but not a one off. Friends help each other when they can, especially when they can do it with little impact on themselves, they don't try to make a quick buck from a mate.

If I was your friend I would have quietly paid you the price you put on doing a favour so I got the comfort of the lift home, but it would impact our relationship and I would think twice about doing any favours for you in the future.

Also your friends side, I would probably have offered fuel money the way people do as a sign of appreciation/thank you, but I would be shocked if any of my friends accepted it! I could guarantee every one of them would say - don't be daft, I'm going that way anyway!

The good news is there's no reason for it to be a stalemate. It's no skin off your nose if she comes with you or not. If she wants to come, she can contribute to fuel. If she doesn't want to contribute to the fuel, she doesn't have to come.

If she had been intending to show her thanks at the end of the week by giving a fancy bottle of wine, OP asking for a contribution for the fuel should have jolted her into thinking "Ah, yes, of course - we're students; the money is probably much more useful to her than wine, so fair enough: I'll give her the money instead and scrap the wine idea."

💯This!

The friend wants to save money and time. There is no benefit to OP if they don't share the costs. In fact, OP will only have to spend extra time and extra fuel (one extra person + extra stuff) in the car, each way. Not to mention that you also have to wait for her each way and can't be spontaneous when you want to leave each day.

I was pretty broke in college and sharing costs was something me and my friends always did, because it increased what we could all do, since we were all skint.

I think this comes down to the simple situation that there are two distinct kinds of people in the world: those who ask why they shouldn't pay for something they want or need, which they will greatly benefit from; and those who ask why they should.

She thinks you're her free taxi. No free rides for someone who refuses to chip in for gas.

Around here, people would offer to pay for gas in return for a ride or multiple rides.

No, because the bus driver is being paid by the bus company to drive a certain route and pick up paying customers.

I would see a friend as a friend, not a customer.

Bit you don't think it's "shitty" for OP's so-called friend to save on her usual travel costs and give OP nothing?

For a couple of weeks, I wouldn't ask a friend for petrol money. I give friends lifts to the airport and don't ask for petrol or dropping off fees. Isn't that what you do for friends? They all reciprocate in different ways.

No, not at all. It's not like OP would be going out of her way and doing something different to what she normally does.

I personally can't imagine knowing my friend was going the same way I was and not offering them a lift in the first place, though. I find the whole thread so weird as it's just totally out of my norm.

Would be tight as anything to charge someone for a couple of lifts to somewhere you’re already going. I don’t know how you weren’t embarrassed to ask.

Well if I were your friend in this situation I would certainly offer petrol money - because its the morally right thing to do. The journey will cost money. Why should I get those journey for free when you're paying?

I know students are always broke... goes with the territory . So a few quid as a token gesture would probably be really helpful to you .
She's a bit thick headed to essentially demand a free lift . And you are quite within your rights to expect a financial gesture in return or say nope. She's shot herself in the foot imo because surely altetnative transport would cost more than a tenner for the week....

Buses are going in that direction already, too.

And if the friend doesn't see you as a friend because a friend would offer to contribute, you know - being a friend and all, where does that leave you?

If she was a close friend and I offered to give her a lift I wouldn’t ask for a contribution.
In this case the friend asked for a lift which would save her time and money, and offered OP nothing.
It still costs OP the same amount ( or slightly more) to travel. It’s not free for OP, and she certainly wouldn’t make a profit from a contribution towards these costs. She would simply reduce her costs a bit. Her friend would save a lot more by not having to use public transport.
Whilst I am not certain that I would have asked the friend directly for money, her reaction would indicate to me that she isn’t a real friend and wouldn’t appreciate the favour she was receiving.
I was brought up to always offer the equivalent bus fare to anyone kind enough to offer me a lift. It is none of my business if they were making the journey anyway.

How much did you ask her for?

45 mins there and back, yes she should contribute or catch public transport instead. There is such a thing as wear and tear not to mention non-driving CF thinking it should be free to them because "You'rle going that way anyway". Yes you are: on your own and pleasing yourself as to when you leave and enjoying quiet time in the car. Tell her it costs you X to run the car per day and if she wants a lift she can contribute. If not you'll see her there. BTW, check your insurance on this point: no idea how old you are and whether there are restrictions on passengers.

Mumsnet is so weird about lifts. Giving so wine a lift to somewhere you’re going already is equivalent to donating a kidney.

.

It leaves me with a happy friend and good feeling I was able to help them out by giving them a lift in my car.

If a friend expected me to contribute to fuel for a lift in their car, when they're not going out of their way and travelling to the same place anyway, and it's a temporary situation... it's probably not worth falling out about, but I would think they're a bit tight.

The first response nailed it.

YANBU at all. She is a cheeky stingy fucker.