Who is unreasonable re fuel?

[Washinginthesun]

Genuinely not sure.
I drive to uni every day. My friend usually lives on campus but is at home this week.
She’s asked me for a lift. She lives on the next street.
Obviously I said yes but asked if she’d split fuel costs for the journeys. She says I’m being unreasonable as I’d be going anyway. I’ve always contributed fuel money if someone gives me a lift somewhere.
We’re at a bit of a stalemate.

It's really stingy to ask if it's only for a week and you're going that way anyway. Giving her a lift won't cost you anything. That said, most people would offer to pay.

I am shocked that the friend asked for a lift without insisting on contributing to fuel costs or something.

I see comments like ‘but you’re going anyway, it won’t cost you extra’. True, but with this excuse you should give her a lift every day for three years, let her in your home every evening because you’re heating it anyway, let her put a T-shirt in every single washing machine load because you’re doing it anyway, etc etc.

You are paying the petrol every day for three years, asking her to contribute is not much especially as her normal commuting costs are zero.

Stand your ground. Her paying half is still much cheaper for her, and goes some way towards a ‘tax’ that you have to put up with her in the car and can’t use the drive as your silent time, or learning French time, or howling at the moon time, or whatever else you normally do in the car.

Same I am cringing here. The concept of a favour seems to be lost on MN. In this scenario I'd expect a bottle of wine or something as thank you at a maximum!

You’re already going / paying for fuel so personally I wouldn’t ask for petrol money - you’re not going out of your way.
I would tell I’d expect her to be ready to go on time and leave when you want to though - that’s just good manners.

If someone offered me a lift and didn’t ask for petrol money, I’d make sure I got them something to say thank you.

You sound a delight

I’d agree 100% if it was permanent or even for a long while but it’s a handful of lifts without going out of OP’s way! Incredibly tight especially for a friend

Not unreasonable at all to split fuel costs as you are doing her a favour. Presumably it would cost her money in bus/train/taxi fares or whatever to travel without a lift, and it's more convenient as well.

Cheeky as fuck not to immediately offer to split the cost, let alone to argue about doing so when directly asked.

I used to give a lot of lifts as a student and only accepted money for long distances and even then not if I was going that way anyway.

OP, it’s not a permanent or even semi permanent thing, it’s what 5/10 lifts during which you don’t go out of your way barely at all. The next street? And you’re trying to profit from it, from an actual friend? My god. What happened to common decency!?

You are making her life a bit easier.. Paying for fuel would be returning the favour surely?

I wouldn’t have asked if it was a friend and I’d be going anyway, but it would have been nice for her to offer. If it was the other way around, I’d definitely offer something or buy her a nice bottle of wine or something to say thanks.

I can't imagine being driven for one and a half hours a day for a week & not expecting to contribute at all just because "you're already going that way".

Why do people expect to pay transport costs but not when it's a friend?

And the friend will be saving money by not forking out for whatever transport she usually uses to get home, so why don't you think the friend isn't being "incredibly tight" to offer nothing of what she's saving to OP?

When were you a student?

My god. What happened to common decency!?

I think people have wised up to being taken for granted.

Why would Op's friend assume she would get free lifts?

What is decent about that?

Who's to say she wouldn't have???

Hate freeloaders. OP is losing privacy and flexibility. So the 'friend' can pay for that. I'm sure the OP is eating dinner every night, should she cook for the other party too?

I can’t get over how many tight fuckers there are on this thread 🤯 Do you all walk around permanently rubbing your thumb & index finger together?
I’d have already offered. Not because I think I’m a saint or to be overly nice but for several reasons.

1. Because doing nice, small things for people (especially when they don’t take much effort) is a nice thing to do and I fully believe in treating people how I’d LIKE (note: that’s LIKE, not expect) people to treat me.
2. Because it’s a tiny bit better for the environment than another person driving a separate vehicle and if she has no access to a vehicle then she’s likely to get on public transport and it’s surely safer to come with me.
3. Because it’s bloody stupid when you’re going in the same direction and she’s only on next street!
4. Because I’m not a tight wad.
5. Oh and because it would also only strengthen the friendship but I guess this reason is slightly selfish of me (the horror!)

Same as I'd expect to pay for a coffee and a café, but not at a friend's house. One is a business one is a friend.. it's not a terribly complicated concept

Since when does ASKING if someone can do you a favour, translate to “being taken advantage of?” It seems this translation only applies on MN

I don’t really understand the “you’re going that way anyway” comments.

Surely if a lift from OP wasn’t option, then the friend would be “paying to get there anyway”. Why doesn’t it work both ways?

MN is so odd when it comes to helping friends or doing favours.

I often give people lifts (or accept them) or do favours for people when they ask. It would never occur to me to ask for money. I honestly can't imagine sitting there and asking a friend for money to take them somewhere I was going anyway

A few things…

I would never ask a friend to contribute petrol money. Though I would offer in this situation.

We don’t know if the friend was indeed going to buy a gift at the end of the week - a bottle of wine or something thoughtful. She wasn’t given the chance.

Though the fact that she’s refusing to give petrol money is also strange. Are you not very close friends?

What also stands out is she lives in the next street and you’re at the same Uni. She’s there for a week. Yet you didn’t think to offer the lift - she had to ask.

It’s all a bit strange and I can only conclude you aren’t very good friends.

I honestly can't imagine sitting there and asking a friend for money to take them somewhere I was going anyway.

Well that's good for you.

But Op would like a contribution & I don't think that that is wrong either.

Well, we'll have to disagree. I think it's a properly shitty way to treat a friend.