For not wanting my children to ‘learn’ Christianity?

[AmusedLemur]

I use learn loosely, I don’t mean learn, I mean be spoken to about God as if it is fact, when I myself do not believe.

context

I am an atheist. My husband was raised by a very catholic family, however he himself is not a practicing catholic (he doesn’t attended church, never prays, etc)

He says he does believe in a God, but it’s not something he lives his life by / he thinks about too regularly.

This has never been an issue for us because mainly we’re on the same page. Yes he will take his mother and father to church on Christmas Eve, but that is as about as religious as he gets.

Let me preface this by saying I have an amazing relationship with his family. I love them. We got married in a church to please them, and when we had our baby (Gia - 2) we got her Christened so they wouldn’t worry.

I have no problem with them talking about their love for God in front of me or anything like that. But, Gia is now of an age where she is taking things in. And they tell her that God is the reason she is here, to be thankful for him, he gave her life and everything she has. More has been said, but I’m not there when it is, so I’m not entirely sure what.

For a 2 year old, she obviously believes when her Grandmother tells her this and so comes home and asks me if I’ve thanked God, tells me she loves him, and so on and so forth.

I don’t want to correct Gia by saying God isn’t real, because it’s her choice to believe. But am I being unreasonable by not wanting my in laws to teach her that God is real from such a young age?

IMO It's one of the biggest ways they could undermine you. To try to convert your child. I would not be happy.

I agree.

Parental interference can wreck a lot of marriages. It is even more prevalent when there is a discrepancy in belief systems.

My kids' school teaches about God as if it's a true and proven fact. They come home saying that God made the world and is our father and that there's a Heaven up in the sky. We never told them that we don't believe because I didn't want them to upset other kids in school.
Luckily from about the age of 8 they started to question it and thought it was all a bit silly.

I grew up listening to those stories and certainly don't want my kids worrying about it. Luckily my family members haven't mentioned God to them, although I have had great pressure to bring them to church. Not a chance.

But there's absolutely no proof that God is real, its illogical and doesn't make sense. Why would I tell my children that he is?

This is because RE is part of the basic curriculum for all state-funded primary and secondary schools, including sixth form, (though it's not part of the national curriculum)

Parents have the right to withdraw their children from RE lessons, and schools must comply with such requests. So if you object to this why not remove your children from lessons ?

Very rude.

If you took a moment to read the thread you will see I have mentioned my DH and I are on the same page! He was brought up being told religion is fact and it took until university for him to be free from it!

There is no divide in my household. We both believe we should navigate religion with our own child on our own. This thread was asking if I would be unreasonable to be upset about the in laws teaching my daughter religion as fact.

NOTHING about my marriage.

No, it’s a couple of our friends.

@AmusedLemur We both believe we should navigate religion with our own child on our own

Then you have just contradicted yourself on this thread because you said you acquiesced to his mother's desire for a Church wedding and a Christening.

To me that isn't "navigating religion on your own", it's bowing to parental pressure.

I mean in terms of conversation.

Neither of us are happy with his mum teaching her things as facts.

Ive already mentioned the wedding and the christening so please read above

You're an atheist. So this is a dead easy discussion on your part. At a very young age, you just teach your child about reality and the scientific reasons things happen, from rainbows to death. Grandma says rainbows are God's promise. You: explain clearly and simply how rainbows occur. No god needed.

A bit later, you can say straight up that there is no God. (Not "I don't believe", but very clearly that there isn't a supernatural being making stuff happen.)

By primary age you can explain, "There is no god. But to people who believe there is, like your grandparents, it's really important, so be polite."

@AmusedLemur Neither of us are happy with his mum teaching her things as facts.

Then tell her that.
Simple.

I don't get why you are so concerned about whether people think you are "unreasonable" or not.
You bring up your child the way you want, other people's opinions don't count.

lol, what a joy killing, dead end attitude to things. Just made my whole day

Then don’t reply?

I don’t want to damage the good family relationship we have and so I am asking if it is unreasonable to request this.

I think I’ve made that very obvious and simple.

This thread was asking if I would be unreasonable to be upset about the in laws teaching my daughter religion as fact.

Well, then the short answer, for me, is yes, you are being unreasonable to be upset about your Christian relatives teaching a fellow baptised Christian about the existence of God as fact. In a child-appropriate way, of course.

Your daughter is a baptised Christian. Absolutely natural that other Christians would speak to her about central features of the faith she has been entered into as fact.

And I say that as a Catholic who lapsed who in the last century.

Do you know how rainbows happen? It's fascinating and beautiful. Reality and the precise way nature works is endlessly amazing. How very sad not to understand that.

Maybe this seriousness around Christenings is an area thing? Because where I’m from nearly the whole village is baptised with only 30 regular church attendees?

I figured most of England got christened as it opens up school opportunities and wedding venues in the future.

But again, maybe that is an area thing.

It would have been reasonable to request no God stuff if you'd have stuck to your guns and not gone for a big fat Catholic baptism.

Now it's unreasonable. Enjoy the Confirmation! 🤣

@AmusedLemur I think I’ve made that very obvious and simple

Not really, so I'll try and simplify it.

It seems to me you have a choice.

Either you don't rock the boat and allow grandma to keep proslytising, which is against your belief/non-belief system.

Or you stick to your guns, tell her not to do it and possible cause offence/upset.

As has been said before you caused the problem by agreeing to events you didn't really want to keep Grandma happy. Now Grandma sees your agreement as a way to educate your children as Catholics. After all she will say "you did promise to raise them as Catholics". Which you did.

Christ, yeah. Hadn't thought of that.

Does your church do confession, communion and confirmation or similar, @AmusedLemur ?

Although I went full-on heathen later on, over my DEAD BODY would the parental units have prevent me from participating in those. First communion was THE highlight of my 1985. 😍

Time to gird your loins, OP. Possibly lots more happy clappy still ahead of you.

Exactly my point. 🙂

READ THIS

”Grandma” will not say “you promised to raise her catholic when you christened her” because she KNOWS I did it for her.

Everyone is really hung up on this fact but I have mentioned numerous times, this came after a long discussion and everyone understood where I stood.

She has never held it against me, and thanked me for doing it!! She has only started to overstep NOW - 2 years later.

The thread is focusing on her phrasing Christianity as fact and my 2 year old being led to thinking this is true. Nothing to do with the christening or religion being mentioned.

She and Gia can discuss Christianity all day long for all I care. I was worried about her phrasing.

Would you be happy for someone to teach your child that God isn't real from such a young age?
What would you say if your child asked if God is real? Surely saying that he isn't real is the same as saying that he is?

The problem is presenting belief in the same context as facts. My kids cofe school do this. They present the existence of god in a similar way that people might refer to the fact that the earth is spherical. I would prefer a more nuanced presentation that it is a belief but that not everyone shares it.

No its not common to be christened any more, i don't know many people who christened their kids except quite strongly religious churchgoers.

It definitely is common. I hardly know of any children who aren’t christened

@AmusedLemur ”Grandma” will not say “you promised to raise her catholic when you christened her” because she KNOWS I did it for her.

I find it hard to believe that she was happy with you lying about this and accepting that "it was only words"