I don’t know what happened when I was drunk.

[BeLemonTraybake]

A few weeks ago, I was at a work event when Im embarrassed to say got very drunk. I am not a drinker, but I must have just totally overdone it and my body is not used to that.

I have a chunk of time where I am unaccounted for. My colleagues don’t know where I was, but it was at quite a big venue so there could be an explanation for that. There were other groups at the event other than my colleagues. But equally, I really don’t know what happened.

i have been running through scenarios for the past few weeks and have even told my husband my fears, and he had told me he is sure it’s all fine and I just need to move on. But I can’t.

I have run through some scenarios that I have even begun to convince myself of.

I am so upset with myself for this and frightened about what I could have done or what could have happened. I am blessed with an amazing husband and children, and I feel like I could have jeopardised everything.

I have no one really to talk to irl about this. I just don’t know what to do or how to move on and would really appreciate advice.

Im not expecting you to be kind to me here. I understand that this is all my own fault. I’m just in a mess and don’t know how to put one foot in front of the other.

What if the thoughts I’m having are actually flash backs?

I’m sorry to keep posting.

Do you worry about other stuff in every day life? Wondering if this could be generalised anxiety or ocd. If so a therapist would be able to recognise this. Just take a deep breath I think you’re brains maybe just said I’ve had enough for now and you can’t control you’re worrying. You will be ok and you will feel better again even if it feels like you won’t right now x

I honestly think you would remember if it something along those lines and it’s just your mind playing tricks. Have you asked for CCTV footage?

Are there wider problems in your relationship? Have you had issues with infidelity previously? I’ve had my fair share of drunken brown outs, particularly in my younger party girl phase: not once has it ever occurred to me to even think I must have gone off and had sex with a stranger in them. Your fixation that this must have happened over any of the many infinitely more likely and plausible scenarios implies something more going on here. Why do you think you’re so much more likely to have had random sex than to have, say, snoozed in a chair, chatted shit you don’t remember to people you don’t remember, or embarrassed yourself a bit in front of your boss? The usual stuff people worry about when they drink a bit too much at a work event.

If you do decide to go to a sexual health clinic you can opt for your GP not to receive any information about your visit or the results. Personally I think you should go - not because I think anything happened but because I think it is the only thing that will put your mind at rest. Don’t beat yourself up, we all do daft things at times x

I hope you’re okay OP?

Is it possible you may have the piles from being sick and violently vomiting whilst you were away from your friends?

I do think you were either quietly asleep on the loo, or you stopped off and bored another table to tears or joined the smokers outside and bored them to tears. Have done alll those things in the dim past when I was drunk and thus thought I was a fascinating raconteur.

Why have you come back with a different account? Were you kicked off?