45k salary entirely eaten by childcare

[Sofiewoo]

Granted salaries aren’t what they were only a handful of years ago but aibu to be shocked that my 45k salary is now entirely eaten by childcare and getting to work??
I figured if you are earning in the 20s you would assume that but not mid 40s!

I’m trying to weigh up whether to just take the next year and a half off instead of working for nothing. I know, pension, career blah blah but it’s mentally very difficult to juggle drop offs, work schedules and sickness but be no better off financially at the end of the month.

Did anyone else not realise it was a bad as this?

Yeah and this too - I couldn’t work for nothing knowing I could be at home with my children.

I decided to take a few years off and will return once DC is in school. I'm doing a few courses and I've started a business. If you can afford to i would fully recommend it.

That's exactly the way you need to look at it. It doesn't really matter that technically half the childcare bill is also the father's responsibility, it's seeing in black and white that it's the equivalent to 100% of your take home salary.

Sit down and do the maths - assuming you share finances. The household income if you carry on as you are, vs taking the time off and the savings/losses impact. Then do a separate calculated prediction for the impact on your pension etc and see if you can offset any of that with the potential gains from stopping work.

@Wantitalltogoaway There is not a chance in hell I’d be paying £28.5k a year to have someone else look after my babies.

To be fair I was a lobster cooked slowly!!
It started at £900 a month, and good hours so I felt like I still had a nice balance between work and time with my oldest.
Then I had another, and fees went up hugely due to the energy crisis, then they went up loads due to the proposed additional hours, then it went up a further 20% this year due to the NI increase and things.
And now here we are 45k later!

Middleagedstriker Same here! Was a SAHM for a while .Interspersed with Students ,Part time hours at the Nursery , some inheritances Have been abroad a few times to see relatives ,Lots of holidays in UK ,Cornwall and Devon . The years spent at home were sublime .However I realise things are different now.Both our nieces work with DC

What are your longer term plans for childcare, for when they start school?
You will need wrap around care if you are planning to carry on full time working. If this is the case, it may be better to swap to a childminder now, who will be able to do the school runs and after school care.
Yes, there will be a period of adjustment for them now, but they will then be settled for the long term. Worth considering.

Financial stability, building on your career usually means more flexibility in the future which is handy when they start school, longer term more money into the household as haven't lost out means more opportunities for the children as they grow up, still time to do stuff ie weekends, A/L, evenings etc. Part time if possible is usually a good compromise. It's a perfect choice for some so not saying having a SAHP is bad, but it always comes at a cost to the woman usually so good to consider all aspects.

How many women would actually work for nothing for a year just for the sake of their pension?

Take a year out, upskill and enjoy your time with your kids.

One of my sisters took 15 years out and went back into the same industry 4 days a week @ 80k pa.

No I don’t think the reality of all parents is that their childcare is the same as a 45k equivalent salary.

This

I mean that’s incredibly, incredibly unlikely for the vast majority of people though.

A new rule has come in that nursery can’t charge for anything extra on top if you are only using funded hours. They can ask parents for money for things like nappies and sun cream and extra activities but only in a voluntary capacity.

This thread shows exactly why nothing is changing, women are just not helping themselves.

99% of posters are just assuming that it’s all the woman’s responsibility without a thought that actually it’s a joint one. I can only assume that the majority of women dont want to be taken seriously in the workplace because they are putting their partners job before their own. So perpetuating the belief that men’s jobs are more important. Oh yes it’s because they earn more - of course they do they never ask for time off for childcare or tell their employer they are going to have to work from home because you know they have children now. That and the gender pay gap.

Im willing to bet that if men had to step up and started pushing employers then childcare costs and nursery fees would magically attract big subsidies and become way easier to organise. But no women are content with taking all responsibility and not expecting anything of their partners, including saying that if they go part-time/give up then the bere minimum is that done money is paid into their pension. I actually think that deep down a lot of women don’t want to work when children are small, they like the drama of all of it, why not just come out and say it?!

I would personally give up job security if it meant I was effectively working for nothing and could be at home with my children- if it takes a while to get another job well then they have survived on the pay already so a bit longer won’t hurt. I say this as someone who has always worked in a stressful career- life’s too short

It makes perfect sense. Whichever way you look at it, their family is one full salary down. I don't know why people insist that actually no, only half of the childcare costs come from the mother's salary when the end result for the family is exactly the same.

It's a pain, but you do just have to get through it. Most mid-earners I know who had two waited until the first was at least in pre-school, if not school, to reduce the cost. Also everyone works part time, including some of the dads, which reduces the cost further.

I was in the same position, that a day at a good nursery plus commute into London was more or less the same as what I earned in a day (obvs taking into account tax etc). The nursery bill (for one child!) was about £50 more than our mortgage - so basically two mortgages every month. But I absolutely did not want to be a SAHM, and my industry is tough to get back into because technology changes so fast. So we sucked it up and were skint for a few years. Now he's at school it's much, much easier - we've been able to sort out all the things wrong with the house, go on holidays and have savings. You will get through it.

As per usual - no mention of your DH looking at his working arrangements. NO doubt he is too important

I am so over this being seen as a female issue. Its PARENTING. If you both have good careers you need to both combine to manage kids. And yes, half the costs are his. Full stop.

Will your eldest be in reception in September? Have you considered a school nursery using wraparound? Not sure if that would save much!

I’m in Scotland with one and mine is £1400 a month for fully time 🫠 and I still need parental help on occasion!

No wonder the economy is stagnant when this is the reality.

I'd chuck the job. The way the world is going Trump and Putin and Xi will have us in WW3 before too long so enjoy life and your children while you can.
Sorry, I'm a bit down at the moment . Still I'd quit the job.

This is why so many young couples with children decide to live close to their parents. Grandparents who are willing to help with childcare are worth their weight in gold. I understand not everyone is able to be in this position and not all Grandparents are able or willing. Those who do have this support are very fortunate indeed. I could never have coped without the support of my parents & DH parents. I'll be forever grateful to them all.

At my daughter’s school there is a child’s name with a very globally recognised fictional character. I mean I gasped when I heard it…didn’t believe it was real. It is and I’m in two minds whether it will help him or hinder him in life.

I didn't go back to work for the same reason. Although, my income was only £25k. It took 7 years to have my 1st. I fell unexpectedly pregnant wih the 2nd when the 1st was 9 months old. Childcare and travel was more than my income. Anyway, it was the worst decision I could have made. I'm now practically unemployable. When I go back to work I'll probably be on minimum wage. I've deskilled, my training is all out of date and my confidence is at an all time low. I feel a bit trapped. I think it changed the dynamic of out relationship as well. We used to be a team and its not like that anymore.

Just because your sister did this it's no guarantee others can!

Industries and job types differ vastly. Some change at such a pace that taking 15 years put would permanently close the door on your career and 'upskilling' doesn't hold up against experience.

I'd certainly be at the bottom of the pile and taking a hefty pay cut.

It's also completely market dependent and no-one call foretell that. If there comes a time when you actively need a job. You could find yourself in trouble.

my salary is about the same as yours. My kids are 11 and 13 and childcare cost a bomb for them too - when I went back to work after second mat leave, the nursery bill was almost the same as my wages. I found working 3 days a week the best balance. But that was only for a few months then the Free hours kicked in (15 as it was then) and childcare was a couple of hundred less. So a very lean few years of Mat leave and childcare before dc1 started school.

I wouldn’t have considered leaving my job as I’d worked hard to get it and wouldn’t have been able to easily get back in. I enjoyed it and didn’t want to be sahp. However that was working 3 days a week so perfect balance. If it was full time or nothing I would have struggled with that decision. Dd1 has asd and managing the two of them was so hard, even though I loved being with them, work kept me sane tbh.

I feel for you - cost of living is much higher now so other bills cost more than when I was at that stage as well as nursery fees. I would look at options and certainly unpaid leave is worth a look. The high costs aren’t forever but it’s really hard working ft with little ones - just rubbish to not have any spare money to show for it!