45k salary entirely eaten by childcare

[Sofiewoo]

Granted salaries aren’t what they were only a handful of years ago but aibu to be shocked that my 45k salary is now entirely eaten by childcare and getting to work??
I figured if you are earning in the 20s you would assume that but not mid 40s!

I’m trying to weigh up whether to just take the next year and a half off instead of working for nothing. I know, pension, career blah blah but it’s mentally very difficult to juggle drop offs, work schedules and sickness but be no better off financially at the end of the month.

Did anyone else not realise it was a bad as this?

Isn't that young girl raising them? If she's raising them, how don't they know her?

🤔

Why are you so obsessed with me finding studies for you? Take a look yourself

Yes. And I asked for the studies that showed data with fathers as equal or main caregivers. Precisely none.

Don’t feel sorry for them at all, my mother worked and I was also very well cared for and loved, some women are capable of doing both, I know many successful working women who have very happy well adjusted, well cared for children but you didn’t have a role model that could teach you that was a viable option so you went down the same route as her

Out of friends who had SAHMs and others who had working mothers, I know for a fact the ones with SAHMs turned out no better / happier than the ones with working mothers .

I think it’s a shame this thread has turned into a slanging match and no one can see the nuance here. It’s not a zero sum game.

Parents (men and women) can look after their children in their preschool years AND maintain their careers. You don’t have to be a SAHP forever.

My kids have always seen me work. But they also weren’t looked after by strangers when they were little.

Because you repeatedly say there are studies to back up your opinion. And because you are flat out embarrassing yourself and have shown incredible misogyny here. So I will call that out.

If they worked at the local shop what is wrong with that?

Listen you’re all clutching at straws here and scrapping the barrel with your insults to sahm’s just in an attempt to justify that you work for material extras rather than giving your children the time they so deserve.

I guess we’ll see more as time goes on how the children are in the next generation coming from households where their parents weren’t around.

I wish you all luck in your ‘careers’ and much love to your children ❤️

It sounds like I spend more time with my children than your husband does with his. Maybe you need to tell him that.

It's funny how men have careers but women have 'careers'.

My mam stayed home went back work when we were older. I enjoy working and seeing adults. Took time out when kids small back working now.

If someone is looking after a child during the day why would they be a stranger?
My daughter loves the nursery workers who care for her when she’s there. The two closest to her even attended her birthday party on a Saturday afternoon.

Maybe just stop spouting utter nonsense.

AmeliaRuby out, everyone.

Thanks for the good times and for being unable to bring any evidence to the table.

Tell your husband to cut his hours to be a better dad too. Cheers.

Do you hear yourself? Quote one insult you’ve had directed at yourself, meanwhile you’ve suggested that women who work after having children should have only had a cat in the first place, care for their children less than sahm’s and don’t prioritise their children.

Meanwhile you’ve given a huge long list of all the childcare responsibilities your DH opts out of while you bend yourself in half to make him a really good dad while doing less than half the parenting the women on this thread do every day.

You haven’t received a single insult, you have had your own nasty words redirected back at yourself.

this is probably alien for you as you’re not present in your children’s lives but I actually KNOW my children’s peers. I have them over a lot for play dates and I KNOW their parents and families. I’m a super proactive parent.

It’s called observation. Questioning not required.

Whos embarrassing themselves now 🤔

Actually I know plenty of full time parents who know each other in my child's school year. They manage the time to work and have play dates with each others children.

This is funny. Boring but funny.

scrapping the barrel now with repetitiveness.

Continue working for free and I’ll continue my loving time with my loving family 😊

Out of interest, as you are a SAHM and you are a SAHM, if you have a daughter and you are placing importance on her education and I’m sure you hope some day she will go to Uni and get a degree….what is the point as she will undoubtedly become a SAHM with your encouragement ( there is no other way after all in your opinion) and also she has no role models as her mother and grandmother did the same

You should really just focus on teaching you daughter ( If you have one ) how to cook, clean and look after a house after all that’s what she will end up doing😂😂

Aren't they all at school now?

Exactly.

Of course they aren't strangers. DS's old keyworker is now our good friend and babysitter.

@AmeliaRuby I see when you have no way of defending yourself all you can manage is a laughing emoji 😂

That’s very sexiest.

I’ve never said become a sahm forever.

I did go to university and had a degree level job but my children are more important. Maybe I’ll return one day who knows, but I’d never give up those precious early years to hand them over to staff at a nursery. They were my babies and I made a commitment to them to always make them feel safe and not abandon them when they get pulled off you screaming and crying as many children do 😢

You don’t spend any more time with your kids than I do.

I worked part time and picked my children up from school everyday. I hosted lots of play dates. I seriously could not have told you whose mums worked or didn't work or if they had a sahd not a sahm (from the way the children were)

Wait til they hit around 10+
It becomes very apparent from their behaviours whether they’ve had a secure loving upbringing or not. Whether their parents have been present or whether they’ve been brought up by paid staff