45k salary entirely eaten by childcare

[Sofiewoo]

Granted salaries aren’t what they were only a handful of years ago but aibu to be shocked that my 45k salary is now entirely eaten by childcare and getting to work??
I figured if you are earning in the 20s you would assume that but not mid 40s!

I’m trying to weigh up whether to just take the next year and a half off instead of working for nothing. I know, pension, career blah blah but it’s mentally very difficult to juggle drop offs, work schedules and sickness but be no better off financially at the end of the month.

Did anyone else not realise it was a bad as this?

Because women only work for extravagant extras apparently.

It's those big hero men that work for food, heating and other essentials.

Some people can't fathom the idea of women having such successful careers that they actually earn more money than their husbands. The horror.

😂🤦‍♀️

Oh Christ. This will be worth the MNHQ deleted post moreso than ever before for me – shut up, will you? What a misogynistic bunch of tripe.

I follow a female lawyer mum who loves buying handbags etc. Why not? Life is for enjoying and having more than basic food, heating and housing.

How do you pay the bills?

I was waiting for the woke community to come along and do what they do best - silence people and their views.

Look at the research and science. Look at communities outside of western worlds. It’s impossible to argue that children are more well rounded balanced human beings when they’ve been given love, security and most of all time from their main caregivers - not nursery workers or childminders 😂

Husband.

Nice!

Exactly.

I grew up with a SAHM and due to that, it was only basic food, heating and housing. It was miserable and I wanted more for my children.

Of course they are! Unless yours happen to be family members? 🤔

No one’s asking anyone to throw away their career. You do know there’s a middle ground?

My husbands job provides us financially to pay our bills.

I support him and our children.

it’s a joint effort.

He knows my job is harder

We go without luxury items so I can be there everyday after school. I’m the only one that does school drop offs. They always know I’m the one that will collect them if they’re poorly. I’m always there for them and they’re very obviously very content children for that opposed to other peers that don’t know what’s going on from one day to another.

Their friends would love to have mothers (and fathers) that are around more. They’re envious of my children and that’s really sad. 😢

I think we’re still discussing scenarios like yours, where the childcare costs mean you’re not actually contributing to the bills by working.

if you need to earn a certain amount to cover essentials, you often have to work full time minimum wage to achieve that amount. So you might as well try an make that work as lucrative as possible and have some fun things too.

My children have a mother and a father around every morning and afternoon drop offs and pick ups.
I much, much prefer that a husband and father who opts out of family life and much of the responsibilities around the children he chose to create.
Interesting how you would rather your children went without treats or luxuries than work for an income during the hours of the day they’re in school.
Personally I would never allow my children to miss out so I could have 6 hours off everyday but I guess we all have different priorities…

Well obviously you have several sessions before the first one when they are left. I wouldn't leave them straight away.

What? But you can’t just ‘opt out’ if you decide you don’t like it! They’re human beings - who YOU created.

This is exactly the attitude I find so sad: “I want kids but I also want both of us to work full time so we have lots of money and our quality of life is just as nice.

And neither me nor my partner want to spend too much time looking after the children we created because it’s boring/bad for my mental health/we won’t be able to afford a holiday.

“And I will justify the selfishness of this decision by saying I ‘need’ to work to pay the bills, even though everything I earn goes on paying for childcare. I will also ignore the evidence that shows this is not best for my children, because I want to do it anyway.”

Not always. and again, it is women that are on the whole expected to take this ''middle ground''.

My role is full time only, if I went part time then I would have to not only change roles but drop back down after everything I've worked for, not to mention the massive pay cut and the loss of flexibility you get at a senior level in my industry which I use to spend extra time with my children.

An awful lot of smart women wouldn’t agree with you for a number of reasons the no.1 one being you will loose all financial independence and what will happen in a situation where the marriage / relationship breaks down, are you stuck in a bad relationship because you can’t afford to leave? Will you be able to get any decently paying job as you have taken so much time out of the workplace?
Another reason for working is that a lot of mortgages etc these days are so high it requires 2 peoples incomes

You have a very simplistic narrow minded view on things

Women choosing to work and also have children is “woke”. Thank you for proving yourself even more misogynistic than I could have demonstrated myself.

Honestly. Applause. You outdid yourself there.

Please post “studies”. And also endure they include children with fathers as equal or main caregivers too – because otherwise your point is dismantled right off the bat.

And your partner? Why is it all on you?

(Also wondering why you wanted kids?)

No, it’s very clear posters are not only discussing that.
Or are saying it’s good news she’s not referring to all working mothers when she says they shouldn’t have had children and had cats instead, she’s actually specifically referring to me?
Interesting take.

Anyway as repeatedly mentioned even though you chose to miss or ignore it, my childcare bills have gone up this month for the second time this year. I nor many other women chose to work for years with literally no income to pay bills.
My bills still need only now a higher percentage needs to go to childcare. Not sure how opting out of work will magically cover all the bills my salary paid for until this increase.

‘Going without’ is again referred to by yourself as financial and material items. Children don’t care about these things. They care about being loved and having time spent with them. Having security and parents that put them above their jobs.

My children have incredible lives. Yes they don’t have a two car household, luxury holidays, brand new kitchens but they have an abundance of happy childhood memories that money can’t buy ❤️

Do you wonder why men who work full time in senior roles want kids?

It doesn’t seem like your husband puts them above his job in the slightest since he doesn’t do a single drop off, pick up, parent meeting or collect them when they are ill as per your own post.

Interesting how much you froth at the mouth to be nasty to women who work and do all these things but your poor little dear husband can’t possibly manage his job and to collect his kids but he’s a “really good dad” no doubt 🙄