45k salary entirely eaten by childcare

[Sofiewoo]

Granted salaries aren’t what they were only a handful of years ago but aibu to be shocked that my 45k salary is now entirely eaten by childcare and getting to work??
I figured if you are earning in the 20s you would assume that but not mid 40s!

I’m trying to weigh up whether to just take the next year and a half off instead of working for nothing. I know, pension, career blah blah but it’s mentally very difficult to juggle drop offs, work schedules and sickness but be no better off financially at the end of the month.

Did anyone else not realise it was a bad as this?

I agree. 100%.

Would you say this to a man?
That's the key question.

Mothers are different to fathers whether people want to admit that or not. It’s a fact.

We’re the ones that decide to carry our children and put them first. we have the maternal instincts. Countless thousands of men walk out on their children every year in comparison to very few mothers. On the whole (not always I will say), it’s mothers that children need.

I can’t imagine wanting to be a mother and then putting jobs before my children.
it’s extremely selfish.

If a men walk out in a women leaving them to hold the baby (which is true, this is much more common than the other way round) How is she supposed to feed, clothe and shelter the child that she is putting first, without working.

You're assuming that kids don't benefit from the parents' improved finances. Staying in work and more than doubling my income has enabled us to pay for private school, save for university, pay for their music lessons and sports, take them on lovely holidays, raise them in a nice, safe area. All much more valuable, life long advantages than spending 3 extra years at home with them that they don't even remember.

When I said in a previous post that the problem is that women don't risk assess the situation when having small children, I meant exactly this.

Girls need to see that when they grow up they are going to be able to use their studies, they will be financially independent, they have options if things don't pan out well for them. The same as a man. And that's something you need to build. It doesn't happen when the shit hits the fan.

Women need to have other women at the very top to create policies that allow both men and women to enjoy their kids. If we only have men having big jobs and housewives that enable them, this is never going to happen. And it will continue perpetuating the myth that women are best at caring and men as providers doing 16 hour days.

I believe both my husband and I have the same right to have careers and also to both spend time with our children. For that to happen as women we need to step up and have careers so the big finantial load is shared. It's then when jobs allow flexibility and work life balance. As a society this is the best model.

Yes use their studies, their whole life if so wish too but then make the brave decision that children will not ‘fit in’ into their lifestyle.

Children aren’t an after thought. They’re humans. They don’t just slot in within two full time jobs. They need nurturing, loving, security, time etc. It’s not healthy for children to not know who’s looking after them from one day to another, being carted off here and there (often with what feels like strangers to them).
There is no comparison to being cared for by a loving parent or a young staff member at a daycare facility/business.

Nursery workers aren't strangers to the kids. What waffle is that?

Both of us working full time is best for us as a family. My mental health is better when I'm working full time and I'm not at all concerned about their wellbeing at nursery.

Who knows what parenting is like until after you have the kids?

Surely that feels off for you?
Your mental health is better when you’re in work full time rather than being around your children for a few short years?

I completely get that raising children 24/7 is hard work but the alternative shouldn’t be to run away to a job and leave them being cared for by nursery staff instead of a parent that loves them unconditionally?

I can’t help but feel sahm get so much judgement with women making statements like we lack purpose, we’re bored, what do we do all day etc etc. What we do all day is our job as a mother and not offload our children to people we don’t initially know just to escape family life to go to work where it’s easier. It’s called dodging responsibilities.

It’s extremely sad that this day and age parents put jobs ahead of their own children.

Why have children? Get a cat.

“Get a cat”

So did you say the same to your husband?

You can’t help feel that sahm get so much judgement when suggesting working mothers are “dodging responsibilities”?!?
okay……not judgemental at all

It doesn't feel off to me at all but then I don't believe that women should have to give up their careers when they become mothers if they don't want to.

Running away? I'm working, that's all. It's my responsibility as a mother to financially provide for my children. It's funny how some SAHM's magically forget about that responsibility.

That is alright. They have a wealthy spouse who pays for it all.

Not wealthy just don’t prioritise money over the little time given to me to spend time with my wonderful children

‘Careers’
just a job. It shouldn’t take president over your children’s emotional and psychological well-being.

I’ll never understand why women have children for other people to raise. It doesn’t make sense to me. Never will.

Does not being a dick make sense to you?

You can live whatever lifestyle you want for yourself but some of your posts are just downright nasty and it’s not something I want on my thread. If you can to degrade the children of women who dare to work as little more than pets then go somewhere else. No one is here for your little rants.

I do think it's a pity that this thread has become so polarised and so judgemental - and yes I do mean you @AmeliaRuby with your very critical post!

Some people make very good SAHMs and some don't. Families have to decide what's best for them. For all of them, mother father and baby/children.

In my case my daughter went into full time nursery at 5 months (it was a long time ago and maternity provision was crap in those days). Did I want her to? No of course not. But I was the primary breadwinner, my basic salary was 3.5 times what my husband earned; one year my bonus was more than his entire salary. There was no question of me staying at home.

Would it have made financial sense for him to be a SAHD - yes, absolutely it would. But it would have been a terrible idea for him personally, he would have been really unhappy in that role (and possibly not very good at it).

To the person who said "get a cat". What? High earning women aren't allowed to have children now???

And also I'd like to say that I don't feel I missed out on early development milestones. I have loads of wonderful memories of those years. We really enjoyed weekends and holidays and made the most of those times together.

It doesn't. I can have a career and be a parent, I don't need to choose just because I have a vagina. My husband has both, why can't I?

Working parents still raise their children. Childcare workers care for them during working hours but they don't raise them.

Then you need to open your eyes and your mind. If you can’t conceive of a situation where a mother goes to work because financially she HAS to contribute to the family finances you are either very privileged or ignorant.

I’m not going to respond to you all as it’s now become a witch hunt of working mothers who work full time and put their jobs ahead of their children. It’s clearly hit a nerve.

sahm’s aren’t all privileged they mainly just prioritise their children’s needs above financial extras (extravagant holidays, home improvements etc).

Children don’t care about those things, they just need to be loved and need security. If that offends you all then that’s on you

Or food, heating, council tax, mortgage…
what makes you think is all extravagant extras?!

What if the parents are working to pay bills?

It hasn't hit a nerve at all because I know it's sexist bullshit. I'm proud to provide financially for my children and I'm proud to raise my children, especially my daughters to know that their careers don't have to be thrown away should they choose to have children when they are older.