45k salary entirely eaten by childcare

[Sofiewoo]

Granted salaries aren’t what they were only a handful of years ago but aibu to be shocked that my 45k salary is now entirely eaten by childcare and getting to work??
I figured if you are earning in the 20s you would assume that but not mid 40s!

I’m trying to weigh up whether to just take the next year and a half off instead of working for nothing. I know, pension, career blah blah but it’s mentally very difficult to juggle drop offs, work schedules and sickness but be no better off financially at the end of the month.

Did anyone else not realise it was a bad as this?

I bet you had a big rich husband didn't you? Plus I don't actually want to be with my kids 24 hours a day. I actually put my son in nursery three mornings a week for a break (plus help for a speech delay) and I love it. 👍😀

How does it work these days if your children are at full time nursery and you commute, what happens if your children become ill at nursery - do you leave work and collect them early - do employers understand that you sometimes have to leave at short notice?

It’s not good, but ride it out. Your pension keeps coming in, plus you retain your place in the labour market and will be closer to promotion than if you took 1.5 years out.

Also childcare should be a shared equal cost with your DH, if you have one. It shouldn’t be eating all “your” salary.

How are you working that out then? You seem to be pulling out entirely different maths 😂

Maybe poster means tax, national insurance, pension costs etc. Then you pay childcare from your salary but actually children have 2 parents to share costs. It's short term. You do what suits your family and you best.

To be fair my friend worked in childcare and also managed a good setting but also expressed as far as attachment goes it was no substitute for parents good care. Too many young children.

You find a nursery that opens at 7:30 and you can still make it, Or you adjust your working hours.

kids ill, well most places have emergency leave or dependents leave, failing that annual leave. But I’ve found that nursery’s do try and send them home for erroneous reasons so I end up taking a measured approach. But most work places I’ve found are human and most bosses have a ‘family first’ understanding

@3pancakesplz Quite a few of the staff either had or had in the past had children at the nursery my son went to. From the deputy manager right through all levels of experience.

There are vast differences in how nurseries are run. Some are of course poor. Some are very good. My son is 6 and still speaks fondly of his key worker and friends there, and the chef, and the chickens they had in the acre of land around the nursery. He wouldn't do that if he'd been poorly treated.

By that logic how do you get them to school and work?
You just find a working pattern and a nursery that works.
If your kids are ill you kid go get them.

I will forever repeat myself, you could send your kids to most amazing, highest rated nursery or childcare setting in the world, but it’s no match for being with their mother. Attachment theory!!! It amazes me that people have kids without knowing anything about this

I wish my husband was rich 😂

he earns good money for 1 person but by no means are we rich. We just budget, we’re sensible and we aren’t big spenders.

never said you have to be with your kids 24/7. You have to do what’s right for you and your kids. But the uncomfortable truth is, kids are better off with their mothers than a member of staff at nursery.

It depends on the mother doesn't it, it's wild to suggest all children are better off with them. For many being in a safe setting with age appropriate activities around children their age is better than being with a mother who cannot provide a safe, secure and stimulating environment. Also if the mother being out of work places the household into financial struggles that's not great either. There are lots of ideals out there IF other factors are consistent; otherwise it's invariably more nuanced.

Yeah you are well off plenty. I am sure plenty would like to be at home with their children but rising costs in basic bills means both parents need to work. Giving up netflix won't cut it. Plus I do think it is nice for children to go to nursery/preschool. Good preparation for school. It is a bit cruel to get to three and then separate them for preschool if they have never been away from you.

I really think it's you with the maths issue. But I'm willing to be educated, explain to me how your 45k salary is entirely eaten by childcare?

Your title is literally that.

My maths, for your educational purposes, are that actually c9k of your 45k salary is actually eaten up by tax, NI etc (your figures). So please explain how your entire 45k salary is eaten up by childcare as you insist and double down on.

Does it matter? It is still extortionate.

It's such a nightmare, I was on a much lower salary when my kids were young but only made a few hundred pounds after childcare. I did 26 hours a week for a few years as I could do it split over 2 long days and the occasional weekend, which made childcare much cheaper and I paid much less tax saving £££.

Use a salary calculator to work out whether you could drop your hours to save days in childcare. For example, could you do 30 hours in work over 3 longer days? Can you work a Saturday if your husband is off?

These are the things sadly that a lot of families have to do to manage.

I know my response won’t be popular but that’s exactly why I’m a SAHM since my youngest was born. There was little to no financial benefit (aside for pension and career prospects) but I would rather be with my little one then running ragged and leaving her for nothing. Obviously a very personal choice but i am loving being with her all the time (something I didn’t have with my eldest as returned to work when she was 9 months old).there are certainly pros and cons to both, and I must admit I’m a little apprehensive about a return to work soon so perhaps reducing to part time might be a compromise? Good luck with whatever you decide..

What you are ignoring though is that even when kids are at nursery, and even when it’s quite a long day (say 9am- 6pm) they will still see their mother/ father, for say 3 hours in the morning before nursery
(morning wake, breakfast, getting ready, journey to nursery), another 2 after nursery (pickup, dinner, bath, bed), for any night feeds (mine woke at night until at least 1.5). Then, if they only attend 3/4 days a week at nursery they will be with the main carers for 3/4 full days/ nights for the rest of the week. There is no medical evidence whatsoever that I am aware of that this type of nursery attendance in a family who is otherwise engaged/ not living in poverty has any negative effect on children.

Getting a bit fed up with people saying that children who go to nursery don't have good secure attachments with mothers. My kids I can tell you definitely have secure attachments to me!! They also read and write and use phonics really well as nursery taught them, they had lots of experience of amazing things at nursery that I could never gave provided. They are both super confident and know how to make friends easily. Again a benefit of nursery. Stop the nursery bashing! The nursery my kids went to had the most amazing key workers who my kids still ta.lk about now!

Or, as a society we could do better and fund childcare so that parents aren’t forced into choosing the lesser evil? A situation that we know perpetuates inequalities and discourages parents to grow families further creating a population issue?
just a thought 🤷‍♀️

And I will forever repeat myself, that children don't need to be with their mother 24/7 to form a secure attachment.

Childminders would be cheaper

The government really should help parents that can’t afford childcare when they have children in those nursery years, when they genuinely can’t pay.

The answer is not for nurseries and childminders to shoulder the burden for those parents, which really does seem to be the think going on, that the rate paid is unfair - people seem to want others to look after their children for free or for pennies so they can toddle off to work and seem to think nurseries owe it to them somehow.

Children probably don't need mum or dad 24/7 but there is little point in both Mum and Dad being stressed out their boxes trying to work full-time if it's actually making no difference to the household finances.

If an entire wage is eaten up in childcare costs then it becomes daft.
The only benefit to keeping working is to keep qualifications up to date and to keep a toe in the door at work.

Going part-time could well be beneficial for both the children and the parents.

Although being part-time can have disadvantages when it comes to promotions and moving to other opportunities. And there isn't always an obvious point in time to return to full-time work, as once kids are in school they might want to do extracurricular activites which need someone to get them too. So many things start at 5 or 6pm which is impossible if your don't finish work until 5pm.

The free hours are meant to help. But as Ops finding out they aren't really free. The nurseries are clawing the money back elsewhere.