45k salary entirely eaten by childcare

[Sofiewoo]

Granted salaries aren’t what they were only a handful of years ago but aibu to be shocked that my 45k salary is now entirely eaten by childcare and getting to work??
I figured if you are earning in the 20s you would assume that but not mid 40s!

I’m trying to weigh up whether to just take the next year and a half off instead of working for nothing. I know, pension, career blah blah but it’s mentally very difficult to juggle drop offs, work schedules and sickness but be no better off financially at the end of the month.

Did anyone else not realise it was a bad as this?

Why aren’t you considering that as evidence?

What sort of evidence do you want?

I know it’s an inconvenient truth, but it is the reality that many childcare settings are NOT good for very young children.

Because someone working in a few poor nurseries doesn’t mean that ‘many’ are poor.

It also means they probably aren’t very good at the job if they are admitting they provided inadequate care.

Agreed. My mum did a placement in a nursery in a difficult part of the city as part of her nursing degrees and when she saw unsatisfactory care she immediately reported it. Things then improved substantially.

If you are seeing inadequate care and doing nothing about it then that is a reflection on you.

To be fair, most people working in nurseries are not nurses on placements, they are actual employees scared of losing their job.

You absolutely cannot compare lockdown kids to other kids. There was nothing to do during lockdown no parks, museums, groups etc was open. Everything was shut/none existent.

I personally would never choose to raise children in such a rural area but if I did I’d make sure I had a car which allowed me to travel.

please don’t discredit your children or yourself. Of course your children would’ve developed and gained the skills had you not used childcare. Besides if childcare was able to be provided in such a rural area what makes you think you couldn’t provide that either? That isn’t a dig btw, but if they found the means to look after your child and stimulate them then how come you weren’t?

Being poor does not stop you being able to raise your kids, teach them, help them grow and develop skills and confidence. Not everything costs money. That is an insult to those who ARE poor.

As for admitting to providing inadequate care - staff working in hospital A&E departments have recently been reported to be saying that, not because they think they are personally inadequate, but because they think they lack the staffing and resources to do the job they were trained to do to the standard they think people are entitled to expect.

You think that made it easier for her? she needed to pass that course. She wasn't wealthy and was juggling working and studying with bringing up 3 children on her own

Ah, you might want to read her post again. She said:

Used to work in childcare (different settings) and vowed never to send my children there when I had kids of my own.

She then talked about the importance of attachment in the early years and why she wouldn’t have her children looked after by someone else at that age.

She didn’t say the nurseries were providing poor or dangerous care, just that no care outside the home would be a good substitute in those early years.

You’ve twisted it to mean she was bad at her job.

That poster didn’t say the care was poor or inadequate. Read it again.

Agreed. That was a ridiculous post. We were poor growing up. I didn’t have much money when my kids were small either. Low income doesn’t affect attachment.

Not saying it would have been easy, but yes, I do think it was easier for her, as she was training to be a nurse, not a childcare assistant, and was reporting people she wouldn’t have to see or work with again. It has been made painfully clear how hard NHS employees find it to whistleblow on their own colleagues and bosses successfully.

Why do you think I left?? 😂

what evidence would you like? Ofsted reports? Emails to the local authority? Hundreds of reports from meetings? Voice recordings? (Not from me btw).

I worked in childcare and when I’d had enough I left and retrained in nursing. Guess what? The NHS is shit and neglects patients too, but I guess that statement makes you feel uncomfortable too so I’m probably lying about that aswell right?

you don’t have to believe a single thing I say. I’m just a stranger. I have nothing to gain by putting people off using childcare, I’ll never meet any of these posters or their children. I’m not going to lie just because some women don’t like to hear the truth. I am genuinely happy you found a decent childcare setting but it’s no secret that even the best nursery/child minder in the world does not come close to children being with their mothers (oops, I know we aren’t to say that nowadays either). Again the best nursery in the world still has a negative effect on babies/toddlers placed in it from such a tiny age and being raised by the staff more than the parents.

If you get to know someone and speak to anyone who works in childcare on a personal level they will mostly all say the same. Of all my friends I worked with the only ones who use some form of childcare have luckily opted for grandparents.

The fact that someone responsible for other people’s babies could, despite cctv, strap a baby face down to a beanbag until she suffocated to death, is enough to make anyone think twice about leaving their baby to the care of a nursery. And that was someone with 17-years of experience.

It’s also incredibly rare which is why it made the news. Parents are more likely to harm their children.

Hasn’t made me second guess sending mine at all.

That isn't what I meant. It is however shit to be at with your children all the time and not afford even the essentials. Yes I am also poor.

Pretty shit if you can't afford anything.

Saying you would rather be poor than put children in childcare suggests you don't know what being poor is like. I didn't say poor people can't be parents but it is easier to parent if money isn't a worry and you can buy new shoes easily.

We have two cars and often use a ferry. The UK&NI is a massive place.

I'll stick with raising my kids where its fairly safe.

Yep. I grew up in poverty and one of the reasons why I work is so I can provide my children with what I didn't have because it was miserable.

Because the title of the thread actually says that her "45k salary is entirely eaten by childcare"

Which of course it isn't. Not even nearly.

I think there’s a massive chasm between the kind of comfortable lifestyle people lead on threads like these and the kind of poverty you’re talking about.

Besides, in case you missed it, the OP in this thread is saying that her whole salary is taken up with childcare costs. They wouldn’t be any worse off financially if she didn’t work. So they’re not in poverty.

What many of us are saying is that in those circumstances why would you even think about putting your child in full-time nursery?

The only ‘winner’ is future OP when she’s 65.

And there's no guarantee any of us will get to 65.
There's also no guarantee that the person people have built their goodwill up with will hang around or the business won't go bust.

She said they can't really live without her wage. I don't see an issue with not wanting to spend your potential old age in poverty. Most of us will reach that age so we should be preparing for it. Plus what if he leaves her? I work very part time. My husband was told of potential redundancies in his work place. Luckily he is okay but good thing I have my job. I could increase my hours etc. Maybe she just wants to work? It is boring being with your kids all the time. Yeah I am allowed to say that. 🤷

Most of us will live to that age. I would be trying to maximise your pension if possible.