45k salary entirely eaten by childcare

[Sofiewoo]

Granted salaries aren’t what they were only a handful of years ago but aibu to be shocked that my 45k salary is now entirely eaten by childcare and getting to work??
I figured if you are earning in the 20s you would assume that but not mid 40s!

I’m trying to weigh up whether to just take the next year and a half off instead of working for nothing. I know, pension, career blah blah but it’s mentally very difficult to juggle drop offs, work schedules and sickness but be no better off financially at the end of the month.

Did anyone else not realise it was a bad as this?

Well said . It's always been that way . You cant save anything whilst the kids are young if you are not earning well over 100k and if it's not just 1 child .

The UK has the highest childcare costs in the developed world.
You’re being entirely unreasonable to argue that it’s not extortionate.

Have you put in tax free childcare that will help. I’m in my early forties now with a 12 and 10 year old but had this for years and it was so stressful! No money and tired and stressed out. If you haven’t it helps!

Yanbu. At the same time I totally see the need to keep the job going.

The system is broken though, research finds kids would be better off at home before 3 and I think many families would rather have a parent at home in those years too. But we are in a situation of nobody being where they should be or want to be, all because of rising cost of living relative to earned income, and lack of flexibility for people to re enter the workforce. Lawmakers should value family life more, imho.

Of course it is extortionate. It was still a mistake we made to "temporarily" have my husband give up work because we couldn't get any flexible childcare. That was in 2022. He's now pretty much unemployable. And grumpy.

There was an article doing the rounds maybe two years ago now that in order to break even a woman with two kids paying for childcare would have to earn upwards of £56k.

This was before the recent cost increases.

The amount stuck with me as I remember taking the article talking about mums and not parents.

Well my DS went to nursery full-time in the 90s/00s and I was only earning £12K a year gross, and I certainly wouldn't have done that job had we not been better off doing so, so proportionally, despite wage stagnation, and funded hours, it still looks as if nursery is more expensive now than it was then.

I didn't go back to work after I had my 3rd baby because of this exact reason. I enjoyed my job well enough but would have been losing money going to work? So I did Open University courses, a degree and when I went back to work an MA. I'm much happier at work now!

I worked full time before having children, went back for 2 days after our first then had a “career” break after our second. We had no money after husband’s wages paid all the bills, we haven't had spare money for years. No holidays abroad, the 3/4 night break at John Fowler sites.
I retrained during our second son’s early years, became an early years practitioner! Term time, very low paid but love working with children.
Had an unexpected 3rd child, again not working for 3 years, went back to early years, now in my 50’s, dont ask about a pension …
Not sure how long Pre-schools and non profit making nurseries will survive, low birth rate, not enough funding from the government to pay wages etc
Think the choice will be either school based nursery or private nursery ( they wont accept funded places or will make it difficult for parents-all about profit! )
All very stressful and disheartening.

@Sofiewoowhen people say it’s not extortionate, I think they’re meaning in the context of when you’re paying for the care of what’s most precious to you in the world. Obviously it feels extortionate when it’s all your take home pay though

In the early 90s, my boss, whose second child was unexpectedly twins who arrived early at a time when we got 12 weeks paid maternity leave leave - not on full pay, told me sometimes you just have to hang on to your career like you are going down a helter-skelter. She was right. I have never heard a man, even when he is the lower earner, say it is not worth him working; I have, however, heard plenty say it wasn’t worth his wife working, even when she had a good job.

Move to Germany. I paid 80€ per month per child for a maximum of 40 hours state-subsidised childcare per week. We took about 30-35 in the end as we were self-employed and therefore more flexible but it was still great. I don't understand why the UK is still dragging its feet on something so completely essential to women's rights.

Don't be silly. £45k salary doesn't mean £45k to spend on childcare (or anything else) does it?!? I don't understand why there are so many posts questioning the numbers.

If childcare costs, say, £1000 per child per month then we're looking at, say, £25k pa. Factor in tax, NIC, pension and all the other deductions, plus the cost of getting to work, buying coffee/lunches, plus wear and tear on expensive clothing & shoes and it's clear enough why OP is so frustrated.

OP, I would say that cutting your hours is a good option. Going from 5 days to 3, say, wouldn't mean a 40% reduction in take home pay because your tax bill will be much less.

Honestly childcare has gone up so much even in the past year, it’s crazy!
Im in Edinburgh and we don’t get free childcare until 3 years old, but even then it’s now a 1.5 year waiting list and most nurseries are £80-85 per day so even if I wanted to work I couldn’t afford it!
Before my 18 month old was born (we also tried for 5 years for him!), I always planned to take some time off with him anyway and get something part time and my partner part time to split childcare.
But I am struggling to even find part time work (finance) a year on. I don’t care about pension etc as it’s time with my child that I’d rather have, but I do understand that some people have to work and have no choice!

"We are now nearing retirement and obviously skinter than some friends but nothing would make me miss out on all that time with my kids when they were little. It was so magical."
I agree with this - the time after school was indeed magical. I changed career to teaching, and managed to meet the school train most nights. But I doubt if it could be done these days...and I didn't much enjoy teaching!

It is so difficult right now. My £70k salary stretches to childcare and a few other bills and then it’s just gone. I keep asking myself how families on basic salaries are surviving, this isn’t right. And like you say, it’s the additional stress of balancing work and nursery runs and constant sicknesses. My husband and I both have relatively stressful jobs and our work can take us all over the country, so we’re juggling diaries, we have no family support network where we are. All this stress and at the end of the month there isn’t even enough money to make it seem worth it! I totally hear you and you aren’t being unreasonable.

We’ve spoken about me leaving work for a couple of years, but my daughter adores nursery and is absolutely thriving. Her development and social skills are coming on leaps and bounds and I just don’t think she’d get that with me at home. Im just thinking of sticking it out for a few more years until school starts. Short-term pain and just focus on getting out the other end! But life shouldn’t be this way!

@nomoremsniceperson Does Germany still give tax breaks to families, effective joint taxation? I agree on the childcare, a very well paid relative used to pay 200 euros pm, but the lowest paid families did not pay anything for the same kindergarten. They also used to keep your job open for years after mat leave. This was over 20 years ago.

TBH the cat fecked off next door when we had our first baby so we wrote him out the will on the dogs insistence.

20 odd years ago now but my entire salary as an architect ( age 38) was used up by childcare for twins and a three year old.
In fact it didn’t actually cover it in full plus I had travel etc to pay for.

I was paying to work for at least a couple of years

There are other work costs like transport and lunches that wouldn’t be needed if you didn’t need childcare.

I would see if you could get a part time work from home job so you keep your hand in but massively reduce your costs.

I took a career break because I didnt want to do the grind and miss out. But I regret it now. My salary and benefits allowing for inflation is less than what I was on 20 years ago. I also lost out on 8 years income. 4 intentionally 4 because I couldn’t get back into workforce.

Keep working and ask for some accommodation eg late starts or early finish. Worse case go p/t. Yes income down but so are costs and when ready you can go back f/t.

Good idea, take a year / 18mths off and do a masters or something

Feel your pain. I had to keep my foot in my job to retain it as jobs in schools are like rocking horse crap. Had I left 14 years ago I’d have been looking for an entirely different job and not doing what I loved and wouldn’t have had the holidays off. My first was only in 3.5 days a week 13 years ago and our bill was £860, higher than our mortgage. Didn’t qualify for free nursery hours until he was 3 because we worked and only then we got 15 hours. Helped a tiny bit. Second was in as soon as the first came out and started school so we kept saving in advance what would have gone out for number 1. It helped because the same amount of days was the same but by the end of number twos time there (3 years) with 15 free hours was costing nearly 1k a month. Rocketed. Very grateful to my DH for changing jobs. My wages were gone but I still had my job and luckily able to be off over the school holidays knowing DH was on more money. It’s really sad. Our nursery staff were worth their weight in gold and my boys still see them and say hi all these years later. They aren’t paid enough. This situation does absolutely nothing but put people off wanting kids. It’s extortionate from the off and that’s before childcare comes into it.
Id hang on in there if you can as frustrating as it is. Like I said, I feel your pain as we were (as many others) in your position.

Nursery fees in my are 2300 in London some nurseries charge nearly 600 a week.

I decided to stay on full time - all the promotions etc you may be behind by staying at home. It shouldn’t be based on cost of childcare alone. It’s a pain but temporary to an extent.