45k salary entirely eaten by childcare

[Sofiewoo]

Granted salaries aren’t what they were only a handful of years ago but aibu to be shocked that my 45k salary is now entirely eaten by childcare and getting to work??
I figured if you are earning in the 20s you would assume that but not mid 40s!

I’m trying to weigh up whether to just take the next year and a half off instead of working for nothing. I know, pension, career blah blah but it’s mentally very difficult to juggle drop offs, work schedules and sickness but be no better off financially at the end of the month.

Did anyone else not realise it was a bad as this?

Me too.

Left, looked after kids for a few years, set up on my own, now earn 2x what I was earning in my old role.

I think there’s a big difference between doing it part time and full time though. Presumably you didn’t do that if you went back to work so how would you know?

I was in exactly your position 25 years ago, OP. except I had 3 children. During the year the three of them were in daycare, I paid more in childcare than I earned. Like you it was all joint money but I definitely didn't net anything that year. I think DH was on similar salary so the math worked for him the same way.
Also the daycare was at the expensive end of things but I trusted it and didn't want to move my children to somewhere new.

I stuck at work and didn't regret it. During that year (and it didn't become magically much better once one of them went to school) I still had pension contributions and other benefits. I also like working. I also continued got a raise every year. Most important for me when the kids were in school, work were fine with me working from home sometimes/being flexible because I had nearly 10 years of showing them I could deliver.

In the end of the day it is a personal choice. I would not have been good at being home with 3 small children and not working. It is hard to see when you are in the middle of it, but this time does go by very fast and there are other things than salary that work brings you. Also if you think about it, yeah you are spending a lot of money on this one thing but it is an incredibly important thing - your children are receiving quality childcare in a nice setting - that isn't a waste of money.

This is probably compounded that wages haven’t actually risen very much over that time. My wage was pretty good 10 years ago but now it’s not far off minimum wage (as that has increased properly with inflation).

@Pallisersthat’s interesting, and good to recognise if you feel you wouldn’t be cut out for not having a work life at all.
I really enjoyed being at home but enjoyed working too. I suspect there are many people similar, who could easily stay at home quite happily but are also keen to keep working. It’s not a binary thing! Men never seem to have this dilemma and it’s important women don’t either.

Some Men do have the dilemma.
Ultimately it's the lower earners dilemma regardless if they are Mum or Dad.

No couple in their right mind would give up the higher earners career for a couple of years.

@Needspaceforlego
it probably helped that dh and I earned similar salaries and were equally keen to have children. Less of a dilemma.

It would be a no brainer for me personally.

Drop off two children to be raised by other people whilst slogging it travelling around to work your socks off for absolutely no financial benefit or stay at home and enjoy these precious years with your babies before they’re grown in a blink of an eye… wish I had the option tbh.
childcare is extortionate these days.
Literal daylight robbery.

I moved my son’s nursery when he was 2,5. He had been at his previous nursery since he was 9 months old. (My work hours were forcefully changed and I couldn’t get to his original provider on time). My son (diagnosed as neurodivergent now) settled very quickly. It was a blessing as when he started school he was much more settled compared to some of the other children who had been in the same setting for 4/5 years

My DD moved her DS because the nursery closed down for a week due to staff sickness, they expected her to trek across London to one of their alternate sites and were always chronically understaffed anyway. The nursery was also very iffy about whether she'd be able to get full-time care when she needed it after going back to full-time work (she went back early part-time).
But your're not being unreasonable, three years ago she found the nursery fees tough and they're worse now more people can get the so called free-hours. Even six years ago my DIL had to accept that she was working for almost nothing, though as she earns more now it wouldn't have been so bad I don't think. That's part of the problem, fortunately she was able to keep working and getting pay increases, there's always the risk you won't if you stop for a year. Obviously you'll definitely lose that year's increase anyway, as well as any bonus you might have been due.

@AmeliaRuby

Childcare isn’t extortionate or ‘daylight robbery’ give over. A wage is paid, often a reasonable hourly rate to the nursery for a young child to be cared for. That is why nurseries are on their knees and their workers are paid terribly.

The government isn’t doing enough to help parents but paying £8 per hour for very young DC to be looked after at nursery cannot be described as extortion.

It’s so hard. I found those nursery years so challenging in terms of drops offs and pick ups while working full time to pay for nursery and the mortgage. My now ex husband did next to nothing. I remember arguing with him over needing him to pick up our daughter as I needed to stay at work and he wanted to go to the gym. The cost is ridiculous.

Hang in there though. It’s worth working and keeping your career going. It gets easier when they go to school and there are after school clubs and wrap around care. Flexible working helps too.

In my opinion part time might be the best of both worlds here.

Assuming a standard tax code, on 45k your monthly take home is around £2885.

On 27k (3 days) your monthly take him is around £1913. Which is a lot more than 3/5 of your current take-home (£1731).

If your entire salary currently goes on childcare and commuting costs, dropping to 3 days will leave you just under £200 a month better off.

What could also work really well would be for you to negotiate one or two of those days as a longer day (ie do 3 days but work more than 3/5 of hours) and your partner covers drop offs and pickups on your long days. Then you cover drop offs and pick ups on your non-working days so that your partner can do a bit of extra time then.

The other option as well, or instead of this, is to negotiate some home working days to reduce commuting costs.

Wow that’s a rude response! What do you mean ‘so you say’

And many school nurseries are just half day, morning or afternoon, term time only. It doesn't sound as though the OP would have a private nursery place for the remainder of the time, even if she could get a place. Many nurseries are simply not this flexible, unsurprisingly.

Have you considered compressed hours, 5 days in 4? That way you save 4 days a month in childcare, assuming you and your partner can tag team drop offs and pick ups?

Because of that I’m SATHM and do private weekend work for pension sake only. I’m happier this way. I was on £ 55000 and wasn’t better of ,I calculated I would stay with £1000 per month or less after childcare costs and travel, so i decided it’s not worth the stress, the effort. On the positive note I’m enjoying my kiddo full time now and he’s thriving.

I paid a friend 13k cash in hand plus 8k salary with employer NI contributions paid by me to nanny for me. All food was included and I got home around 7pm. After that was babysitting and extra.
it was a while ago - but it suited us both and was cheaper than nursery.

Arrangement lasted for 2 years - then I paid 15k pa for nursery fees plus part time for nanny as they were then studying to be a nurse. They did collections as I wasnt able to get there for 6pm and was single mum.

Im not 100% advocating cash in hand but I had to work full time and there wasn’t another option x

‘Raised by other people’ 😂 bingo!

The government realise this and are increasing places and wraparound care.
Many local schools do this already.

I would also like to point out that moving to a new nursery setting usually means a month in advance and/or a registration fee. So definitely not worth it, and I think the concerns about unsettling your children for the sake of a few £ are valid.

I don’t really have much advice - I used a childminder as the price for two kids was a lot. I now have four but the childcare wasn’t too bad after the first two (we also had fertility problems and the second came quickly after the first!) number 3 and four came after the previous started FT school.

its shit, the prices are ridiculous, if you can find a way of taking a career break I would go for it - you won’t regret having more time with your babies when they are little, but you may regret missing out especially for no financial benefit x

YABU to not be spending a lot of money on cats.

Just spoke to my cat about this and he said at least half of family income needs to go towards cat keeping and maintenance. Minimum.

They are doing it for the income of tomorrow though

Have you considered changing your childcare? Admittedly this might be easier said than done as you've chosen the current provider for a reason and your children are settled, but kids are generally resilient and there maybe other options less expensive than your current provider? Or instead of a nursery, childminder? Or nanny? Etc.

I lost a really good tem member recently due to this , 2 young kids in nursery and 90 % of the wages despite being very similar to yours are for nursery alone .
This country need free nurseries or very cheap as most of the others , nobody can afford over 1k a month per child unless you are on 6 figures