To feel miffed with my neighbours request?

[Aliceglass]

I don’t know if I’m being sensitive or unreasonable here. My next door neighbour approached me at the weekend to give me dates of their summer garden parties.

For context, We live in a terrace of modern houses and we all have similar sized gardens, enclosed by neighbouring gardens, back and side.

So my neighbour told me about her planned garden parties over the next few months and there were 3 dates confirmed, 2 tbc.

But, she has specifically asked us that we don’t use our garden during the days of these parties.

I was a little take aback and said that we don’t have any scheduled bbqs or parties on those dates so they will be fine. But she said they didn’t want us to use our garden, AT ALL!
Apparently it will spoil the atmosphere if I was to “pop to the bins and empty my recycling” or if they could hear the washing machine on a spin if I left the back door open!

I did laugh at this stage and say well I can’t promise to not access my garden for the whole day.

She went on to say how her friends are “well to do” and they would expect privacy and not to be interrupted by unnecessary noise.

I got a little frustrated at this point and I asked if she was just letting me know or if the neighbours the other side were also being asked this. She assured me that, yes they were and they confirmed they won’t be using their garden or the gate to their garden at the back so as to not disturb her.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this request is unusually controlling?

What an excellent thread. This could keep us amused all summer 😊

Agree we need a continuation thread.

And ignore the nay-sayers. I know we've floated some pretty silly ideas on here, but your real-life activities have been reasonable and restrained in the face of such CFery.

I’d be telling her she’s being ridiculous.I’d be having a lovely bbq on the day just to piss her off tbh.
where do these people think they can tell neighbours what to do come from ffs!! It’s just utterly unreasonable full stop!

Another vote for a continuation thread!
I really want to know what CFNDN has had to say about your unacceptable use of your own garden and what you plan to do in it for her next garden party

I'd do a wash and hang out my underwear on the line that day. I'd be sure not to pick up the dog poo for a week beforehand too.

If she comes round again, do what a 5 year old girl that I taught did, when another little girl told her what to do. She put her hands on her hips, pushed her face towards the other girl, stamped her foot and said loudly, " YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!" It worked then and might again - worth a try. It always makes me smile when I remember it.

Tbh @Aliceglass now you have demonstrated to her exactly how uncooperative you are prepared to be when she is a demanding cheeky fucker, I think it would be better to open negotiations for what a reasonable way forward to allow her to hold her parties relatively undisturbed in future.

My proposal would be that on her nominated dates, up to 5 per year, you'll be happy to refrain from inviting anyone over or doing anything loud in your garden, but you certainly won't be keeping your back door shut, refraining from recycling things that need recycling or refraining from spinning or hanging out laundry, but she can expect reasonable neighbourliness, and no karaoke. You'll expect a reciprocal level of reasonable consideration on a similar numer of other weekends. Therefore if she can stop being quite so unreasonable, all will be well and there doesn't need to be a repeat of yesterday.

@Ilovemyshed if the OP's neighbour was pleasant and reasonable you would have a good point however the OP's neighbour has brought this on herself by trying to dictate and control when her neighbours use their own property.

You can't expect good neighbourly relations when you behave like the neighbour has. I feel zero sympathy for Hyacinth Bucket. Hopefully she's learned some humility and will think twice before she makes very unreasonable demands of her neighbours.

Oh get a sense of humour and stop being so contrary! 🙄

I’d just start calling her Hyacinth every time you see her. Pretend that you and DH have been referring to her as Hyacinth between each other and now you genuinely believe that this is her name. (It may but probably won’t inspire some self-reflection.)

OP, thank you for this thread. I have been in pain but reading this thread made me chuckle and made me forget whilst I was reading. Please keep up the good work in neighbourly relations. 👊🏼

"I'm privately educated!" 🤣🤣🤣

Please make a part 2 for this thread OP. How fun. 😂

Nah, i dont think it would have
The neighbour sounds arrogant and snobby, likely believes she is above the rest of neighbourhood and everyone should bow down to her

OP just dealt with the stupid request with humour and got the message across

Its a win that the neighbour may hate her now

Yes please do a continuation thread, love this. Do you know anyone who has a dog? Get a poo from it and put outside her house. Oh the shame 😳 🤣🤣🤣

OI, GIZZA BOTTLE LOVE

When is the next party @Aliceglass ?

PLEASE pretty please can I have an invite to the next party. I will travel, I can be the very special guest, I will turn up dressed in a ballgown complete with tiara. Otherwise an outfit of your choosing. You sound like terrific fun.

I can bring chaos, fish for the bbq, dark humour, maybe mumsnet can club together for some morris dancers? Followed by morris dancing lessons for the children of course.

If people are being invited to parties at OP's house I have 2 young adults who are partial to the occasional joint. One never leaves the house without her demonic chihuahua and her boyfriend is the lead singer in a heavy metal band. They are available for private parties. The chihuahua joins in when he hears their music being played.