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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel miffed with my neighbours request?

968 replies

Aliceglass · 07/04/2025 18:52

I don’t know if I’m being sensitive or unreasonable here. My next door neighbour approached me at the weekend to give me dates of their summer garden parties.

For context, We live in a terrace of modern houses and we all have similar sized gardens, enclosed by neighbouring gardens, back and side.

So my neighbour told me about her planned garden parties over the next few months and there were 3 dates confirmed, 2 tbc.

But, she has specifically asked us that we don’t use our garden during the days of these parties.

I was a little take aback and said that we don’t have any scheduled bbqs or parties on those dates so they will be fine. But she said they didn’t want us to use our garden, AT ALL!
Apparently it will spoil the atmosphere if I was to “pop to the bins and empty my recycling” or if they could hear the washing machine on a spin if I left the back door open!

I did laugh at this stage and say well I can’t promise to not access my garden for the whole day.

She went on to say how her friends are “well to do” and they would expect privacy and not to be interrupted by unnecessary noise.

I got a little frustrated at this point and I asked if she was just letting me know or if the neighbours the other side were also being asked this. She assured me that, yes they were and they confirmed they won’t be using their garden or the gate to their garden at the back so as to not disturb her.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this request is unusually controlling?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Onthemaintrunkline · 18/05/2025 05:28

Tell her she should have purchased all 3 houses if she wanted this much control of hers, yours and the neighbour on her other side. I’ve honestly never heard the likes of it!!! Just who the heck does she think she is😳. She commanders up to 5 weekend days (a month of summer weekends). No, I don’t think so!

HoppingPavlova · 18/05/2025 05:38

@Ilovemyshed now you have had your fun, all good, but can I quietly suggest that actually you are a bully

Nonsense. NDN is a CF of the highest order, and this has consequences. This is the best way to modify the CF behaviour down to a level of normal, otherwise these entitled people just camp up even further as they believe the world rotates around them. It doesn’t and they need this fact slammed in.

Ineedcoffee2021 · 18/05/2025 06:35

Ilovemyshed · 18/05/2025 05:22

@Aliceglassnow you have had your fun, all good, but can I quietly suggest that actually you are a bully.

by all means use your garden normally, but planning the nastiness is really poor behaviour.

No, the bully is the neighbour demanding others not use their yard when she is cos she dont think OP is 'worthy' or 'posh enough' to be sighted by her friends

If she didnt want push back, dont demand stupid shit

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 18/05/2025 06:44

Do you live next door to Hyacinth Bucket?

Bogeyes · 18/05/2025 06:44

I would cook a big pan full of cabbage....stew some meat in a pan the finish off with a very strong curry.....cheeky neighbour

Ineedcoffee2021 · 18/05/2025 06:49

OneNewLeader · 17/05/2025 17:32

I’d accommodate her wishes if I could. Keeps things sweet and you can ask for reciprocal arrangements in future. I think it’s a small kindness to someone who sounds incredibly insecure.

nah, she sounds like the type who, give her an inch, she takes a mile and still says not good enough, screw her

SparklyLemonShaker · 18/05/2025 06:58

K

Survivingnotthriving24 · 18/05/2025 07:00

I don't understand how playing with your kids in a paddling pool and having a barbecue in your own garden on a beautiful day is nasty...

Might be a few that want to assess if they're one of the Hyacinth Bucket types. Anyone with any class or decent etiquette would never dare ban their neighbours from using their own garden or dictate where they sit on their own property.

Mumof2heroes · 18/05/2025 07:17

Sunholidays · 17/05/2025 23:59

Nah, the OP is a nasty one

So you think OP should bow down to the highly unreasonable demands of her snobby neighbour? Wow, you must be related. The neighbour needs to realise how ridiculous she is and OP could have been far more extreme in her enjoyment of her own garden with friends and family on a glorious sunny Saturday.

Mumof2heroes · 18/05/2025 07:22

Ilovemyshed · 18/05/2025 05:22

@Aliceglassnow you have had your fun, all good, but can I quietly suggest that actually you are a bully.

by all means use your garden normally, but planning the nastiness is really poor behaviour.

So you think it's nasty for someone to enjoy their own garden with family and friends on a sunny Saturday?

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 18/05/2025 07:24

Sunholidays · 17/05/2025 23:59

Nah, the OP is a nasty one

How?

How is it nasty to use your own garden on a nice, summer's weekend to enjoy time with your friends and family?

It's nasty to say "I expect you to sit inside your home on this beautiful day so my well to do friends don't have to endure you". It's not nasty to use your own garden.

Tothegym · 18/05/2025 07:29

Aliceglass · 17/05/2025 18:29

Update!

Friend no 1 decided to get in the paddling pool too… she had 4 glasses of rose at this point and decided to involve the kids in a run and jump competition into the paddling pool..
there was a lot of screeching (from friend, kids weren’t so bad).

DH, also a little half cut, shouted “that’s enough now, you’re being too loud. Have some decorum! I’m privately educated and can’t possibly listen to this racket!”

I had to go back inside as I doubled over laughing.

It was deadly silent next door and they’ve gone inside. I feel slightly bad now but I also want to practice on the karaoke for Eurovision!

How did the Eurovision karaoke go last night? I’m glad you are able to stay positive and not get too overwhelmed by having a controlling maniac living next door, as some people would get really stressed and not be able to cope.

Enough4me · 18/05/2025 08:18

What a nasty neighbour you have looking down her nose at you. It was wrong for her to try to bully you and your family into accepting to disappear for days as suits her.
She could have checked the days with you to make sure that she wasn't going to be noisy and interrupt you and that way found out if you'd had plans. A reciprocal agreement may then have been negotiated to not cut the grass/run parties concurrently (putting bins out is 5 min so ridiculous to include).
Next time she can book a venue in what she'd class as a posh venue, or meet them out for a meal.

kissmyfatass · 18/05/2025 08:31

This thread is gold. Cant wait until you see your NDN next

JudgeyJudie · 18/05/2025 08:39

Hang all your knickers on the line

Oldglasses · 18/05/2025 08:56

She's completely bonkers! If she lives in a terraced house surrounded by other gardens then what does she expect? You can't stop people going about their business normally.

Ilovemyshed · 18/05/2025 09:18

@Mumof2heroes no I don’t think its wrong for her to use her garden normally, but she is trying to dream up extremes, and that is just petty.

For the record I do think the NDN is totally in the wrong, but one instance of messing about is making a point, continuing it is bullying.

The NDN’s behaviour isn’t good either but neighbour disputes start from less and it is just not worth that.

PaulaBrighton · 18/05/2025 09:19

Pay someone with the biggest loudest dog you can find to visit for the day and get them to bring their kids along with a football. They can all watch as you have a bonfire.

FamingolosForDays · 18/05/2025 09:23

How do you feel today OP? 😁

WavyRavey · 18/05/2025 09:32

Read through this morning cackling away 😂

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 18/05/2025 09:35

I’d be inviting my mates over on each of these dates - blasting heavy metal - I can highly recommend (warning some people might find the language distasteful 😀)

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music that you love, upload original content and share it all with friends, family and the world on YouTube.

https://youtu.be/T-gbJvrOnUE?si=ZwNUIbgFQcgRwZ8y

Lostinidea · 18/05/2025 09:36

@Aliceglass DH, also a little half cut, shouted “that’s enough now, you’re being too loud. Have some decorum! I’m privately educated and can’t possibly listen to this racket!”

🤣🤣🤣. Your DH has killed me!

DelboytrottersDnecklace · 18/05/2025 09:46

We had something similar with our neighbours

We own,they are council (I'm not a snob-its context) but she thinks we rent

We are not allowed to hang our washing out,(its on the line right now)park outside our house (its parked there now),have ds's dog around,Ditto dgd,(they are on their way to stay for the day)sit in our garden(dps out there now),replace our front fence/paint the back fence(painted it last week and replaced the front last month),play music (I admit I haven't any on now but I'm sick of hearing 'nothing compares to you on repeat,I hear it again and dps heavy metal is coming out-where did I hide the boom box?)and I have to rip up the lily's,roses and wildflowers I planted last year (I havent)

This list goes on

She keeps squealing that she's 'gonna report ya to ya landlord and get ya booted out of ma street'

Shame she doesn't have that power,but bless her for thinking she does

TequilaNights · 18/05/2025 10:03

Sounds to me like you just had a perfectly normal summers day in your garden with your family and friends.. oh was your party yesterday? I hadn't noticed.

Ariela · 18/05/2025 10:33

Bonkers. Tell her to move to somewhere with a bigger garden and no neighbours