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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel miffed with my neighbours request?

968 replies

Aliceglass · 07/04/2025 18:52

I don’t know if I’m being sensitive or unreasonable here. My next door neighbour approached me at the weekend to give me dates of their summer garden parties.

For context, We live in a terrace of modern houses and we all have similar sized gardens, enclosed by neighbouring gardens, back and side.

So my neighbour told me about her planned garden parties over the next few months and there were 3 dates confirmed, 2 tbc.

But, she has specifically asked us that we don’t use our garden during the days of these parties.

I was a little take aback and said that we don’t have any scheduled bbqs or parties on those dates so they will be fine. But she said they didn’t want us to use our garden, AT ALL!
Apparently it will spoil the atmosphere if I was to “pop to the bins and empty my recycling” or if they could hear the washing machine on a spin if I left the back door open!

I did laugh at this stage and say well I can’t promise to not access my garden for the whole day.

She went on to say how her friends are “well to do” and they would expect privacy and not to be interrupted by unnecessary noise.

I got a little frustrated at this point and I asked if she was just letting me know or if the neighbours the other side were also being asked this. She assured me that, yes they were and they confirmed they won’t be using their garden or the gate to their garden at the back so as to not disturb her.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this request is unusually controlling?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
ScruffMuffin · 17/05/2025 20:37

Semiramide · 17/05/2025 20:22

Hm. I think you’ve made your point. I’m beginning to feel a bit sorry for your NDN. Why continue to embarrass her…

Because the OP isn't actually doing anything embarrassing. She's put on completely normal, fun activities for a glorious spring Saturday.

MrsCarson · 17/05/2025 20:41

Your Husband is a star. 😂Glad the neighbours came out in solidarity

RareMaker · 17/05/2025 20:42

I'd be buying a trampoline and giving the kids lots of sweets

Catsandcannedbeans · 17/05/2025 20:54

If she had said this to me I would be planning to hype my children up on sugar and release them into the garden for hours on end. Their cousins could come too. The red40 and E numbers would be flowing. Goes against my normal diet rules, but for her I would bend them.

Simplynotsimple · 17/05/2025 20:59

Argh wrong thread!

Simplynotsimple · 17/05/2025 21:01

So sorry op, I don’t know why the thread I was on jumped to yours!

Aliceglass · 17/05/2025 21:31

Thank you for all your wonderful suggestions today, it’s filled me with inspiration for the next one!

We didnt see NDN again, although there was a loud window slam when we did get the karaoke out!

I know to some it seems petty but as you can imagine, it wasn’t just one request from this neighbour. she’s made plenty of them so far and if we do show neighbourly kindness and go along, she feels like she can continue!

We’ve had a good laugh today and I think next
time my friends and I might hold a ceremony in the garden… one of those trauma release ones with plenty of shaking and howling. 😂

OP posts:
Londonrach1 · 17/05/2025 21:43

Thank you op...hope you dont have a hangover tomorrow ..when's your next get together with your friends in your garden...any update from her next door so you can plan your next get together

Lookuptotheskies · 17/05/2025 22:20

Thank you for your service op.

Sadiek · 17/05/2025 22:22

Is her name Hyacinth Bucket? Her friends are ‘well to do’. What a horrible snob! If the area is not to their liking how come they’ve accepted her invitation? She has no right to ask you not to use your own garden and I love the idea of you dragging the bin out in your PJs! 😂

SoManyToiletTrips · 17/05/2025 22:27

Oh what a joyous thread, thank you!

Silversixpenny · 17/05/2025 22:28

Aliceglass · 07/04/2025 19:01

As you can imagine, there have been other instances with this neighbour trying to lay down the law about what we can or can’t do. We can’t leave the bins out the front because it’s “unsightly” or leave any washing on our Juliet balcony because it’s “common”.

its hard not to take offence when she clearly sees us as beneath her!

Bollocks to that!!

DancingFerret · 17/05/2025 22:52

I'm looking forward to what happens next - not least the NDN's reaction to the OP's recreational activities in her own garden.

Catladywithoutacat · 17/05/2025 22:54

I would say no problem I expect you to pay me for me day out of my own house, £200 should do

SapphireSeptember · 17/05/2025 23:01

@Aliceglass Worth the wait. The other neighbours sound cool as well. 😎🤘🏻

Sunholidays · 17/05/2025 23:27

Joyous? It all sounds very petty I have to say. What a charmer the OP is.

Onlyhereforthebatshitneighbours · 17/05/2025 23:31

This has been hilarious!
I felt a fleeting moment of sympathy for your neighbour I have to say but I rather feel she's bought it on herself
Excellent update- hopefully she'll be more self aware in future

Ps - does she actually say "coo-ee"?

SoManyToiletTrips · 17/05/2025 23:34

Sunholidays · 17/05/2025 23:27

Joyous? It all sounds very petty I have to say. What a charmer the OP is.

Are you the neighbour?

Sunholidays · 17/05/2025 23:38

SoManyToiletTrips · 17/05/2025 23:34

Are you the neighbour?

Luckily no, I’m not!!

ScruffMuffin · 17/05/2025 23:39

I wouldn't be available to chat about it if she comes over tomorrow. Be out, or go out if she appears. Brush her off the next day, and the next. If she's allowed friends round in her garden, so are you!

To the few PPs who are getting their knicker s in a twist over the OP's and her family's behaviour... calm down! It's not like she was holding a nudist rave in her garden, or commiting a crime, or screaming obscenities at the neighbours. No wheelie bins, pyjamas or holey underwear were on display. I do believe they even refrained from playing the bagpipes. Paddling pools, rosé, barbecues and Eurovision karaoke are par for the course at this time of year.

DreamTheMoors · 17/05/2025 23:53

Point your speaker out the back door and turn on the raunchiest porn you can possibly find.
Blare it, baby.
Some people just ask for it, don’t they?

Sunholidays · 17/05/2025 23:59

ScruffMuffin · 17/05/2025 23:39

I wouldn't be available to chat about it if she comes over tomorrow. Be out, or go out if she appears. Brush her off the next day, and the next. If she's allowed friends round in her garden, so are you!

To the few PPs who are getting their knicker s in a twist over the OP's and her family's behaviour... calm down! It's not like she was holding a nudist rave in her garden, or commiting a crime, or screaming obscenities at the neighbours. No wheelie bins, pyjamas or holey underwear were on display. I do believe they even refrained from playing the bagpipes. Paddling pools, rosé, barbecues and Eurovision karaoke are par for the course at this time of year.

Nah, the OP is a nasty one

TheCoralMoose · 18/05/2025 00:05

Blimey Hyacinth Bucket wouldnt even be that mean.

WhatICallMyUsername · 18/05/2025 00:23

I would just go with the same response as last time. Oh I totally forgot it was your party. Then this is just normal every day stuff of paddling pools and rose wine and she can suck it up 🤣

Ilovemyshed · 18/05/2025 05:22

@Aliceglassnow you have had your fun, all good, but can I quietly suggest that actually you are a bully.

by all means use your garden normally, but planning the nastiness is really poor behaviour.