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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel miffed with my neighbours request?

968 replies

Aliceglass · 07/04/2025 18:52

I don’t know if I’m being sensitive or unreasonable here. My next door neighbour approached me at the weekend to give me dates of their summer garden parties.

For context, We live in a terrace of modern houses and we all have similar sized gardens, enclosed by neighbouring gardens, back and side.

So my neighbour told me about her planned garden parties over the next few months and there were 3 dates confirmed, 2 tbc.

But, she has specifically asked us that we don’t use our garden during the days of these parties.

I was a little take aback and said that we don’t have any scheduled bbqs or parties on those dates so they will be fine. But she said they didn’t want us to use our garden, AT ALL!
Apparently it will spoil the atmosphere if I was to “pop to the bins and empty my recycling” or if they could hear the washing machine on a spin if I left the back door open!

I did laugh at this stage and say well I can’t promise to not access my garden for the whole day.

She went on to say how her friends are “well to do” and they would expect privacy and not to be interrupted by unnecessary noise.

I got a little frustrated at this point and I asked if she was just letting me know or if the neighbours the other side were also being asked this. She assured me that, yes they were and they confirmed they won’t be using their garden or the gate to their garden at the back so as to not disturb her.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this request is unusually controlling?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
TubeScreamer · 08/04/2025 08:37

Bonkers. Please don’t pander to this.

crankycurmudgeon · 08/04/2025 08:37

Arlanymor · 07/04/2025 18:58

Who does she think she is? I thought she was being nice and considerate dropping a note with the dates so that you know it might be noisier than usual, but BOOM... dictating what you can/cannot do in your own space? That's batshit. It's honestly batshit. You are not overreacting or being sensitive. Buy one of those waving person inflatables that they have at car dealerships and ONLY inflate it in your garden on the days that she is holding her parties... I mean it doesn't make any noise does it, so how can she complain?!

Hahahaha this got me

SoInLuv · 08/04/2025 08:45

I'm shocked by the audacity of your horrid neighbour!

FatherFrosty · 08/04/2025 08:49

if You and your neighbour has kids get a bouncy castle for the front garden.
With noisy generator

… because they can’t use the back that day they need to be entertained

Original poster
Aliceglass · 08/04/2025 08:49

FeelingLessTired · 08/04/2025 07:20

I was going to say she is clearly a controlling arse.

I'd put your foot down now. You have already bowed down to her demands re the coour of the fence etc- she now thinks she can dictate to you. We have a neighbour like this who made demands about things like what plants we had in our garden and the colour of the fence on OUR side. For the sake of 'good relations' we knuckled under and trust me that made a rod for our back. He has more recently demanded that DH stop feeding birds in our garden (large, detached house) and to remove a tree because he does not like the look of it. We have said this time 'No' and it has unleased all sorts of shit. Abuse over the fence- sending in his flying monkeys in the form of his adult son who tells us the sight of this tree (a cherry tree) is distressing his father - threats that due to our intransigence he will be forced to move etc. It's batshit of course- but if we had stomped on him 20 years ago we would not be dealing with this now.

Thank you for this example. It’s actually helpful to realise that by trying to be a good and reasonable neighbour we are just making a rod for our own back. Since we moved in she has made various demands and even suggested that keeping our decking in our garden was a bad idea because “it attracts rats”. I will definitely be asserting more boundaries now. And honestly, who can be upset over a cherry tree?! They’re beautiful at this time of year!!

OP posts:
Sameoldsameoldsame · 08/04/2025 08:51

Oh my. Telling you when she's having parties is one thing. Telling you not to use your garden is ridiculous and entitled

Ignore her completely.

Hoolahoophop · 08/04/2025 08:52

This made me laugh so much. We I thought she was going to tell you as a heads up, a warning about the noise they would be making! That's what we try to do with our neighbours.

They must be very dull parties if they even notice you going out to the bins. At ours you would be lucky to notice a stampede of elephants next door!

KindleAndCake · 08/04/2025 08:55

Firstly, you and the other neighbour the other side need to hire skips, a little bit pricey, but worth it.
Then start declutterting. I bet you need to anyway.

Myonlysunshine123 · 08/04/2025 09:06

Well now you need a bouncy castle! Cheeky bitch. If her friends are so well to do tell her to do one round there 🤣🤣

aphroditeflighty · 08/04/2025 09:33

A good time to learn how to play the violin with the windows open.

Seriously, your neighbour should emigrate and join a Homeowner's Associations (HOA) in the States, they'd be right at home. I don't think I would have been quite so polite.

MikeRafone · 08/04/2025 09:40

Id pop a note through her door

I have just realised that one of your dates x date, it clashes with a BBQ we are having. I don't think it would be appropriate for you to have your garden party that day as the bbq, music & motorbikes won't be a good combination - perhaps think about swapping the dates if you need a peaceful event.

id writ it on a scrap of paper and not address it to anyone but sign off with your name

Rosscameasdoody · 08/04/2025 09:41

I would take it at face value. She’s asked you not to use the back garden on those dates. So, the first date that comes around, whatever space you have at the front, you set up your tattiest old deck chairs, put a tartan car blanket on the grass with a parasol. A cooler full of beer and snacks completes the picture - possibly a boom box if you’re brave enough. Then you and your family don your rattiest pj’s and robes, and have your own garden party. If she’s subjected the neighbours the other side of her to the same snotty attitude, see if you can get them on board to do the same. Then wave and smile as her guests arrive, and you can even throw open the cooler and invite them over for a brew !! How can she complain ? She asked you not to use the back garden, so you didn’t !!

REP22 · 08/04/2025 09:42

That's batshittery of the first order. I'd make sure the dog had enjoyment of our garden that day, after a hearty breakfast of broccoli and hard-boiled eggs. I'd probably also put his Steps CD on for him as well. He likes that.

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 08/04/2025 09:43

Who's voted YABU ?

Are stupid pratt & her posh friends on here ?

Rosscameasdoody · 08/04/2025 09:47

Rosscameasdoody · 08/04/2025 09:41

I would take it at face value. She’s asked you not to use the back garden on those dates. So, the first date that comes around, whatever space you have at the front, you set up your tattiest old deck chairs, put a tartan car blanket on the grass with a parasol. A cooler full of beer and snacks completes the picture - possibly a boom box if you’re brave enough. Then you and your family don your rattiest pj’s and robes, and have your own garden party. If she’s subjected the neighbours the other side of her to the same snotty attitude, see if you can get them on board to do the same. Then wave and smile as her guests arrive, and you can even throw open the cooler and invite them over for a brew !! How can she complain ? She asked you not to use the back garden, so you didn’t !!

Edited

Too late to edit, but do you have any friends with loud motorbikes ? If so, invite them round to join the fun !!

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 08/04/2025 09:49

Get some tyres and hang them from your trees on bits of oily string.
Get a big metal bin to burn stuff in.
Sone plastic mismatched chairs.
And just as the party is about to take off, I would throw a bit of heavy metal music out of a powerful speaker.

RealEagle · 08/04/2025 09:51

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 08/04/2025 09:49

Get some tyres and hang them from your trees on bits of oily string.
Get a big metal bin to burn stuff in.
Sone plastic mismatched chairs.
And just as the party is about to take off, I would throw a bit of heavy metal music out of a powerful speaker.

Plus you need a bull terrier hanging from the tyre

MinesaBottle · 08/04/2025 09:51

I imagine her ‘well-to-do friends’ are well aware she lives in a terrace and aren’t stupid. They’d probably be shocked to know about her batshit request! I’m with other posters, use the garden and stuff her.

kellygoeswest · 08/04/2025 09:58

If I were you, I'd throw a party on the same day!

Miaowzabella · 08/04/2025 09:59

custardcreme77 · 08/04/2025 07:38

I suppose she expects you to make sure all your windows are closed and not to flush the toilet on her garden party days to avoid spoiling the genteel atmosphere 🙄

Definitely leave the bathroom window open and tell your family that just for once, loud bowel movements with vocals and running commentary are positively encouraged.

Wackadaywideawake · 08/04/2025 10:04

Buy a big garden trampoline and invite the neighbourhood kids over.

Organise a competition to see who can bounce the highest.

Miaowzabella · 08/04/2025 10:12

LaVieestBelleNestCePas · 08/04/2025 00:17

@Aliceglass please tell us/me where these crazy people live… so I /we can avoid that area… and while I’m at it… could you get the crazy neighbour to clarify what ‘well-to-do’ means.. please?

If the prospective guests' economic status is the rationale for her extraordinary request, the neighbour should be providing you with a list of their names and annual incomes, backed up with bank statements.

freakyfriday23 · 08/04/2025 10:19

☺️ is this for real OP? that's outrageous. I'd def do the opposite and have my own gathering. Who the fuck does she think she is 😊☺️ I it was just the one party then perhaps but she's booked out multiple dates. Major Fuckwit

shiningstar2 · 08/04/2025 10:21

Tell her that if she rents your garden for the day you will stay out of it then name your price 😂😂😎😂

Isittimeformynapyet · 08/04/2025 10:31

kellygoeswest · 08/04/2025 09:58

If I were you, I'd throw a party on the same day!

Oddly enough, that's already been suggested!

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