To feel miffed with my neighbours request?

[Aliceglass]

I don’t know if I’m being sensitive or unreasonable here. My next door neighbour approached me at the weekend to give me dates of their summer garden parties.

For context, We live in a terrace of modern houses and we all have similar sized gardens, enclosed by neighbouring gardens, back and side.

So my neighbour told me about her planned garden parties over the next few months and there were 3 dates confirmed, 2 tbc.

But, she has specifically asked us that we don’t use our garden during the days of these parties.

I was a little take aback and said that we don’t have any scheduled bbqs or parties on those dates so they will be fine. But she said they didn’t want us to use our garden, AT ALL!
Apparently it will spoil the atmosphere if I was to “pop to the bins and empty my recycling” or if they could hear the washing machine on a spin if I left the back door open!

I did laugh at this stage and say well I can’t promise to not access my garden for the whole day.

She went on to say how her friends are “well to do” and they would expect privacy and not to be interrupted by unnecessary noise.

I got a little frustrated at this point and I asked if she was just letting me know or if the neighbours the other side were also being asked this. She assured me that, yes they were and they confirmed they won’t be using their garden or the gate to their garden at the back so as to not disturb her.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this request is unusually controlling?

I'd say she is a hyacinth bucket type, friends are well off and she's embarrassed in living in a terrace - thing is, of all the people I know, the wealthier they are, the more down to earth they tend to be, especially the old money types.

My immediate response would have been something along the lines of: 'Oh? Have you taken over the payment of my mortgage? Because those would be the only circumstances under which you'd be able to DEMAND how I use my OWN garden. Now off you fuck!' (OK, I'd probably hold back on that last bit but that would be the general gist).

Honestly, the brass neck of some people...

Actually I think I'd just sit in the garden calling "daaaarrrrling could you bring me another drinky poo please" EVERY FIVE MINUTES 🤣🤣🤣

I'm inclined to agree with that PP. You have all the 'perspective' you need: your neighbour is a CF and needs to be told. All your 'being neighbourly' is just getting you walked over. Some things are just very obvious. This is one of those times.

Isn't that the day the Dyno-Rod man is due to visit in his bright orange van?

She can't dictate what you do on your property.

I think I'd have said "I beg your pardon".

However, now you know the lie of land, I would venture that:

Party 1: children's mates round in the garden with water pistols and a bouncy castle. "Oh, so sorry but this was already arranged".

Party 2: thongs and other smalls on the washing line and possibly some topless sunbathing.

Party 3: Well, it has to be a bonfire.

Thankfully when we lived in a terraced house our neighbours were lovely and used to invite us to their parties.

And pick up a stained mattress as well 😂😂😂

No, part of the story was she didn’t have a sense of humour. Remember the Christmas crackers? She didn’t get any of the jokes.

You could host an open cinema event in your garden. Either a kids one, a good old Stephen King or a sing along - yes...The Greatest Showman, Les Mis or Annie. Hire an ice cream van, have a BBQ (obv).

Or maybe have some opera singing lessons. The well to do might appreciate some La bohème.

With his good mate Pest Control.

Or get your mates to turn up in hazmat suits, put up some crime tape and a tent.

@Aliceglass please tell us/me where these crazy people live… so I /we can avoid that area… and while I’m at it… could you get the crazy neighbour to clarify what ‘well-to-do’ means.. please?

But you must have Frozen with at least fifteen repetitions of Let It Go.

If the first party is on 3rd May have a street party with all the other neighbours to celebrate the Bank Holiday.

Those would be the days that I’d need to be spreading chicken manure over my garden whilst playing some loud drum & bass. (Which I’m not a fan of) but I’m sure she’d love it!

No one does this. Just boring and ridiculous and not in a funny way.

@Aliceglass Have you considered charging her an hourly rate for the privilege of keeping you out of your own garden? If it is so important to her that the neighbours on either side of her refrain from using their own gardens perhaps she will be willing to pay a fee to each neighbour.

She gains privacy for her garden party while you and your neighbour lose access to your gardens. Why should her garden party cost you the use of your own garden? You deserve to be compensated.

Do you have a washing line that can be seen from her posh garden? If so then fill it with flapping washing, preferably dingy grey "white" underwear with a few moth holes.

Not only would I be laughing hysterically but I would take the dates and organise my own BBQ’s on those dates😁.

She went on to say how her friends are “well to do” and they would expect privacy and not to be interrupted by unnecessary noise.

WTF? I would have burst out laughing in her face at that point. How absolutely cringey. Is she the actual Hyacinth Bucket? I've never heard anything so ridiculous.

Is this for real?

I’d be putting m me recycling out one item at a time those days 🤣

I think you need to buy an inflatable dummy and wrap it in black garbage bags and duct tape. Then “struggle” to carry it out into the garden between you and DH, have a loudly whispered argument along the lines of, “I told you I didn’t want a part of this!”… “I told you it was an accident!”…. “Oh come on! You’ve always been jealous!!!” and “If we bury it next Hyacinth’s fence, they won’t be able to see what we’re doing!”

When my children were small, the house whose garden backed onto ours was being sold by auction. As it was a fine day, the auctioneer decided to hold the actual bidding part out in the garden.

I was cooking lunch and didn't know anything about it until there was a knock on the door, and a very embarrassed estate agent asked if I would mind telling my children to stop joining in with the bidding. I'm not sure whether he was more upset about the fact they were joining in or that their bids were in the one to two dollar range.

Maybe you could pretend you thought she told you she was holding a giant open home and shout comments about the state of her place over the fence. Better still, if you have any children, get them to do it. I can vouch for its effectiveness.

It's just a request. Take it as you like.

Better to be aware of the parties. And to be polite enough as a neighbour to not be ..

dog sitting your sister's loud dog,
sun bathing in the nude,
chopping down trees with a chain saw,
mowing the lawn,
holding a teeneger's music party .. at the same time.

If you were holding a wedding or your own garden party for charity, you would also hope that the neighbours were respectful of that.

Fair enough to challenge the neightbour on the number of days set aside for her garden parties.
If it is three or four in total for the whole year, I would be happy?

If it is more I wouldstate myoposition.
I would also expect an invitation to one of them.
Which charity does she support?

I’d be planning a lovely game of volleyball between you and your neighbours on the other side of them for those days. Or a fun water fight.
I would certainly be using my garden on those days to do your months worth of washing that day, loudly hang up my ugliest pants on the washing line, and send the kids out to play all day.