To think men should automatically pay on a first date if they asked you out?

[ThisSnappyNewt]

Had a date recently - he asked me out, picked the place, and at the end said “Shall we split it?” I did but it left a bad taste. I just think if you’re the one initiating the date and doing the inviting, you should offer to pay - man or woman but especially if you’re the guy. It sets a tone. AIBU to think it’s just good manners and a red flag if they don’t?

Having self respect is letting a man take me out and pay. I'd have no self respect if I was going 50/50 on a first date.

Well that's a stretch....

I'm interested to hear why actually. I'd lose respect for myself going out and expecting someone else to pick up the tab. If someone insisted on paying for me I wouldn't like that. I can pay my own way and I also would not like the expectation that I then owe the other person. It is also respectful of the other person not to take advantage in my opinion.

I think you need to be more open to accepting nice gestures from men who are romantically interested in you, it doesnt mean you owe them anything. It just means a man took you out on a date. It's really not a big deal and if things go well, you'll have plenty of opportunities to return the favour in the future.

Oh now it's nice gestures. Your other post said men were happy to pay if they think it might lead to getting laid.

There's a difference between asking someone if they fancy doing something, and actually inviting them. If I invite you to lunch at a particular restaurant then I'm paying. If they offer to pay I say, "You can get it next time."

Yep, I think @Biffbaff went to the Andrew Tate school of Charm! 😬

The misogyny and sheer loathing for women is dripping from his posts.

Yeah, you'd be letting a man know that you will accept cheap shoddy shitty treatment, and being treated as 'less than' if you let him get his calculator out to make sure he only pays for what he has. Imagine having standards that low in a man! AWKS! 😬

Well of course not every man who pays expects s3x. I thought that would be obvious. The point I'm making is that men would never complain if it was guaranteed.

Wow, are you actually saying if women expect the man to pay for them, that they owe them sex? And if they're not going to give it, then they should pay for their own meal?

Wow. Just actual WOW! I've seen some wild posts on here but this is a shocker!

This. I'd expect to pay for my own meal and drinks.

What proportion of women get raped/assaulted/murdered by a man when going on a date with them? Your post smacks of extremism and a desperate attempt at justification for a viewpoint.

From my perspective, paying for a woman's meal or offering a gift is a way of showing appreciation for her company, not because I think the UK has turned into a misogynistic hell hole and women are being raped/murdered/assaulted whenever they step outside their house.

Oh, they were into me, not in the sense that they would’ve liked to have been.

To be honest I'd see a man who insisted on paying on a first date as more of a red flag - it would set me thinking they saw it that men are the breadwinners and should provide financially.

I earn a lot myself and would be mortified if a man thought I couldn't or wouldn't pay my half of the bill on a first date, I'd find it a bit embarrassing.

Is it though?

Two thirds of women killed in the UK since 2009 died at the hands of their current or past partner.

https://www.aol.com/news/shocking-figures-show-over-170-172144869.html

"By the time they are 19 years old, almost 1 in 4 adolescent girls (24 per cent) who have been in a relationship have already been physically, sexually, or psychologically abused by a partner."

https://www.unwomen.org/en/articles/facts-and-figures/facts-and-figures-ending-violence-against-women

No what’s embarrassing is thinking women would ever be fully equal to men! Wake up and smell the coffee! He’s a stingy bugger end of for not paying.. why does paying half a bill make you feel more ‘equal’ how ridiculous is that. I find this half half attitude most Brit’s have quite despicable

That's not a point with any relevance though and more swings towards why a woman shouldnt accept a man paying which goes against your argument.

No that's not what she was saying

@Trashpalace it's a stretch to think all men should pay for a woman's dinner because she's at some hypothetical risk every time she goes on a date...

We are talking about a first date!!

There would be no second date from me.

Yes well that's how relationships start.....

My argument is that men should pay, as its a date. If he's not paying, it's not a date. Whether he expects s3x or not is a different conversation

Its beyond me how something that should be a nice thing to experience (going on a first date with a guy you have chosen to go on a date with) is turned into - you are doing something where you are risking your life! That's not sane thinking. How does anyone get into a relationship with anyone if people start brandishing these sort of articles about at the prospect of a first date.

Exactly so why bring it up, it's of no relevance. You just changed it about to suit what you were trying to argue about.