My one and only holiday ruined?

[AbbeyDown]

AIBU to feel really upset that my holiday plans have changed without my input?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really unsettled about something, and my husband doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from.

We booked a 10-day holiday abroad as a break after my 16-year-old daughter finishes her GCSEs. It was meant to be just the three of us — a time to relax, unwind, and celebrate her finishing such a stressful chapter.

Now I’ve found out that my husband’s long-time friend (who I’ve known for years, but we’re not especially close) has also booked onto the same holiday, staying at our hotel. He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old.

I had no say in this. My husband told them about our plans, and they just… decided to come. Apparently it was going to be kept a secret and just surprise us when we got to the airport. I wasn’t asked if I was okay with it, and now I’m expected to share my holiday with a group of people I don’t know well, including a young child, which changes the whole dynamic of the trip.

I also want to be honest: I struggle with confidence, especially around my body and skin. I deal with hormonal acne, and holidays are the one time I let go, go makeup-free, and truly relax — knowing no one knows me and I don’t have to “perform” socially. Now, with someone 12 years younger than me who I barely know coming along, I feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy — it’s about not feeling safe to just be myself anymore.

My husband says I’m overreacting and that there’s “nothing wrong with my body,” but he’s totally missing the emotional side of this for me. I feel like my space has been taken away from me, and I’ve lost the freedom I was looking forward to.

AIBU to feel upset about this? And has anyone else dealt with something similar?

I wouldn't like that, at all.

Chatting to a woman on a sun lounger is no where near the same thing!

As others have said is it possible to change the whole thing?

I would HATE this and be FURIOUS.

There are a few possibilities:

Your H genuinely doesn't understand how strongly you feel about it.

He does understand but is too embarrassed to change plans wanting to 'save face' in front of friend

He does understand but was part of the planning and the mate has encouraged the idea that the 'girls' can babysit etc

Regardless of how you got here, it's on your DH to fix this. I think you need to make sure he understands how upsetting this whole thing is for you. Tell him everything you've told us / show him this thread. And then you need to ask him to message his friend and explain that HE misjudged the situation and that you really need some family time. He and his friend can then decide how to wiggle the plans to accomodate this. Maybe as a compromise you could say - I don't mind a couple of days crossover (if one party can shift dates).

But the most important thing is that he understands why this is so thoughtless and the impact on you, and then owns the problem of fixing it without making you be the bad guy.

@Ponoka7 sometimes you can move flights for a change of booking fee. Or with some hotel websites you can cancel your booking and get a refund,.

Unless you can swap hotels, and as your OH doesn't see a problem with the friends hijacking your holiday, that looks highly unlikely.......my suggestion would be to just carry on as normal - go for meals when you want to - don't suggest meeting up and certainly DO NOT wait around for them to join you.

I do understand how pissed off you are, I would be too and I have had countless holiday spoiled by other people over the years.

Stand your ground, focus on your family unit and try to relax......you've earned this holiday. Hope the GCSE results are all that your DD hopes for too.

I would cancel and rebook the entire holiday, and book some marriage counselling. Your dh has shafted you and can not be trusted now. He must know what this holiday means to you and has disregarded it completely.

I'd be so annoyed if this was my DH's attitude and I don't believe for a second he didn't know they'd booked until after it was done.

Can you transfer yours and your daughter's flights to somewhere else and leave him to go away with them? Or change the dates of your holiday until the following week?

@Icedlattepleasemy DD is his Step child

Mighty big judgement there.

I often paid extra to ensure I could cancel/rebook, because I knew I didn't have the money to throw down the drain if there was a problem

The other folks have done this so they don’t have to look after their own children on their own.
I would be annoyed by this too.

I’d be very suss to be honest. I mean you might say yes we’re going to Spain again after X’s GCSEs but most people don’t say in normal conversation. “oh yes we’re going from the 2nd to the 16th, staying at hotel sunshine and getting the 10:00 flight from Gatwick with orange air”.

Sorry OP they totally planned this.

You need to create a hostile environment. Ring up the friend. Tell them exactly how you feel. Tell them you think they need to rebook. If they can't, they will have to avoid you. Which means you won't be looking after anyone's 5 year old.

I wouldn't be too worried if this is the end of the friendship. They don't think you are important anyway.

Then you can be the one shouting 'surprise' when you arrive.

I'd be furious.

I'm with you op, I'd change my holiday to somewhere else

Oh no. This wouldn't work for me at all. You will end up having to make small talk all day. There is no way they have done this without planning..leave ur dh there and you and daughter go and stay somewhere else. What does your dd think ?

I would absolutely hate anyone to gatecrash my holiday. The thing is, you are never free from them. So you either hide behind a tree, duck and dive at breakfast time, check the pool area for their presence, and dread arriving at a restaurant, and there they are!

It doesn't work to say you can avoid them. The fact that they are THERE is enough to put you on edge every time you leave your room. Some relaxation that is! And it doesn't matter if DH says something like - they won't be with us all the time, just maybe for a drink now and then. NO, NO, NO. You will be a prisoner afraid to go out in case you bump into Hi de Hi couple and kid.

Absolute nightmare. I'd cancel and rebook the same place for a different week if you love it so much, or the same week at a different place. No compromises on that. None.

Or divorce.

Indeed. I would try one more time with Dh.
'Look I don't WANT anyone else to talk you. This is our last holiday with Dd. She doesn't want company, I don't want company. It's for the 3 of us ONLY'. We need to change hotel / dates now. If not, then Dd and I may have to go elsewhere'

Youre still his wife and you’re going as a family. If he wants a lads and drinks time then next year he and his cheeky mate can book that instead.

Totally agreeing with you all. This is bang out of order by your husband. The 5 yr old will change the whole dynamic of a holiday. I’ll bet you’ve been lined up for babysitting. Then it’s early meals and an annoying kid by the pool when you want to relax. Nothing against 5 yr olds but when your daughter is 16 you’ve done the child friendly hols. This could be the last holiday with your daughter. I would honestly change hotels if I could. Your husband and his mate have imagined nights out, golf days maybe while you help entertain a young child. He’s been a total arse.

OP said she booked flights and hotel separately. So it’s entirely possible she can change the hotel at this stage.

Several people have suggested this @AbbeyDown and it does look like a perfect solution unless you advise otherwise. I wouldn’t even tell DH. It can be a surprise.

This. I highly suspect DH wants to hang out with his mate.

😊love it!

I genuinely think you should go on holiday, just you and your daughter together. DH can go with his mate and family.

I’d be very annoyed about this.

Take action now, OP, or this will become an annual thing.

That would be a nope from me. No negotiation. If I were you I'd change the dates and not tell them. You are allowed to have your own holiday. I slightly suspect that DH and the friend cooked this up between them though, and presented it as a fait accompli.