My one and only holiday ruined?

[AbbeyDown]

AIBU to feel really upset that my holiday plans have changed without my input?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really unsettled about something, and my husband doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from.

We booked a 10-day holiday abroad as a break after my 16-year-old daughter finishes her GCSEs. It was meant to be just the three of us — a time to relax, unwind, and celebrate her finishing such a stressful chapter.

Now I’ve found out that my husband’s long-time friend (who I’ve known for years, but we’re not especially close) has also booked onto the same holiday, staying at our hotel. He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old.

I had no say in this. My husband told them about our plans, and they just… decided to come. Apparently it was going to be kept a secret and just surprise us when we got to the airport. I wasn’t asked if I was okay with it, and now I’m expected to share my holiday with a group of people I don’t know well, including a young child, which changes the whole dynamic of the trip.

I also want to be honest: I struggle with confidence, especially around my body and skin. I deal with hormonal acne, and holidays are the one time I let go, go makeup-free, and truly relax — knowing no one knows me and I don’t have to “perform” socially. Now, with someone 12 years younger than me who I barely know coming along, I feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy — it’s about not feeling safe to just be myself anymore.

My husband says I’m overreacting and that there’s “nothing wrong with my body,” but he’s totally missing the emotional side of this for me. I feel like my space has been taken away from me, and I’ve lost the freedom I was looking forward to.

AIBU to feel upset about this? And has anyone else dealt with something similar?

I'd be fucking raging about this OP. Your DH has completely trampled all over your wishes without a bloody care in the world. He's behaved as if he doesn't even know you. I think he's lining up a jolly old time for him and his friend to go on the piss, or play golf (or whatever) whilst you little women "keep each other company" and amuse the 5 year old. In his mind the two 16 year olds will also amuse each other and therefore be less hassle for him and his mate. Personally (and I really mean this) I'd tell him I'm not going. Tell him he can go on his own. I had a very similar situation once, and that's exactly what I did. I completely understand your upset and anger.

If I had to go on holiday with someone else’s 5 yr old, I’d rather not go at all.
Sounds awful.
I really feel for you op.

Absolutely - at 16 you can take them out to nice restaurants, to a bar at night where you can treat them to a cocktail. Enjoy their company, chat and play cards without having to worry about kids menus, eating early, dealing with an overtired 5 year old demanding ice cream!

For three people, a slight refund on flights and, at best, a partial refund on the hotel, isn't going to make a dent in the price of booking now. Depending on the airport, another flight is necessarily available. We aren't all close to mutiple main airports with great disposable income.

This would ruin my holiday so much that I would genuinely rather not go. If I was you I would be livid OP. Not just about the arrangement being made but about his response to it. He doesn’t sound very kind and loving. Your poor daughter too, a holiday with her mum and step dad to relax and unwind has turned into a holiday with a five year old which is a whole different ball game. Ugh.

Then you must do this and put yourself first OP.
Just make sure the first couple of days you don’t meet for breakfast etc to set the standard! Say things like - “let’s just get our own breakfast as it’s quite hectic accommodating everyone’s timings”. Also make a restaurant booking so it’s clear you’re going out just the 3 of you. “We’ve booked a restaurant for later so we might catch you at the bar afterwards”. I think a little bit of socialising some days would be nice but I totally understand why you’re annoyed.

I'd be booking a hotel for you and your DD, you'll both have a lovely time without having to dodge the other family.
I'm a bit like you - want to chill out, read a book... certainly not having to deal with a family you hardly know and a small child.

YANBU. I’d be really upset. Family down time is precious- and it’s not getting away from the grind if acquaintances (for you) are there. Waste of money and energy.

That would give me a breakdown. This holiday is for you and your daughter to enjoy and your husband although I don't care about him now.

Let him have the awkward conversation and move hotels etc. Not on you, I'd be so angry. I lived through something like this for years with my Mum's friend. No matter what my mother and I tried to do, somehow, whether it was Christmas, Mother's Day, family bereavement etc, she would show up and I hated her, still do, to this day for all her interference.

yanbu, i'd be absolutely furious that anyone thought that was even remotely ok.

i don't go on holiday to socialise.

YANBU with bells on! I'm furious on your behalf!

Your DH is playing it down because it's a really awkward situation and he doesn't want to do the difficult thing and deal with it, he would prefer you and your DD to suck it up than have an awkward conversation with his friend.

You and your DD are not going to have the holiday you were looking forward to unless you insist this is fixed. What do you want to happen now, OP? Do you want the other people to cancel? Probably not possible but the friend should be told that they have fucked up your holiday, maybe they will be mortified and agree to do something else. Or are you prepared to change your own plans? It will cost you extra but worth it if you can afford to.

It doesn't matter if your DH agrees with your point of view. You've told him how you and your DD feel, just decide what you want and insist this is what is now going to happen. Good luck!

I would agree with this, put you and your daughter first.

I agree in general and get how you want your holiday etc.

one thought tho - does your DD get on with the other teenager? Is she happy to have company or does she want to be in her own with you both.

This could bring on a new angle - either she could also say she doesn’t want this or be happy to have company. Your DH may listen to her opinion?

Bloody selfish men.

He would rather upset you than his friend.

m That would make me so angry and determined to get away from them.

Her daughter said she doesn’t want anyone else to come with them and just wants to relax.

Absolutely not, I MIGHT have backed down a bit (as in ensuring my lounger is the other side of the pool and warning DH not to tell them if we were doing something etc), but if your DD isn't feeling it then no. I'd do anything I could to change it.

Sorry op your DH is a bumbling buffoon.

If it's too late to change hotels, I'd just go and tell hubby he can entertain the friends as much as he likes but you and daughter will be taking sunbeds on the other side of the pool.

You can also say to the friends 'Hello, lovely to see you. Maybe we'll get an excursion together one of the days'. That's setting the boundary that you won't be hanging together 24/7.

You have to take the bull by the horns.

I'd also make it clear that this was a family holiday and hubby is not to go on a piss up with his pal. 'I've told him absolutely not Sandra. Though maybe we can allow them a few hours here or there if we need peace'.

Take control.
Don't be slow to say what you want.

Honestly OP, when you get there just refuse to engage.
Stick your head in your kindle and ignore them. Answer any question with a disinterested ‘hmmmmm?’.
Any babysitting requests can be answered with ‘well I came on this holiday to relax. Perhaps the staff can let you know if there’s a service for that’
If there is an adult pool stick to that area.

I'd change locations or book a new holiday entirely.

Or just don't sit with them in the first place.

'Sorry guys, daughter and I are going to get sunbeds over by the bar. Much love, hope you have an excellent time, we must catch you for a drink some evening'.

It’s not a boundary to say he gets to bugger off whenever he fancies and you’ll occasionally join in. The op and her daughter don’t want to share a holiday with these people, and if they’ve booked the exact place and date, they don’t seem like the sort of people who will respect this very loose definition of ‘boundary’ anyway. The best way to deal with it is to make very clear that they’ve already crossed the line and are not welcome as part of the OP’s family holiday, in anyway. And if her husband chooses his mate over his family, I’d be very bloody tempted to tell them to take him home with them at the end of it.

Erm, my hotels are almost always booked with the free cancellation option. Don’t know why you wouldn’t if money was so tight!

And who the fuck takes a 5 year old quad biking 🤣 they won’t be allowed to ride and will be too small for any waterslides the teenagers like.

The absolute best option is to keep the flights and rebook the hotel for a different resort or at the other end of it. Arrange to meet for one meal possibly but otherwise make it clear that you are having a private family holiday together and have no plans to socialise. They should’ve checked before booking

I’m sorry op that sounds like hell to me. I think trying to get your husband to understand your self-consciousness isn’t the right way to go. It was a family holiday nothing to do with friends and it’s fine if they’re at the same resort as long as you’re not expected to be joined at the hip. If he won’t be reasonable then leave him with them and do things with your daughter or by yourself. Pretend you have emails to write or work to do anything to limit engagement with them.

How on earth is any of that taking control? Sounds exactly like what the fellas had planned in the first place 🤣