My one and only holiday ruined?

[AbbeyDown]

AIBU to feel really upset that my holiday plans have changed without my input?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really unsettled about something, and my husband doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from.

We booked a 10-day holiday abroad as a break after my 16-year-old daughter finishes her GCSEs. It was meant to be just the three of us — a time to relax, unwind, and celebrate her finishing such a stressful chapter.

Now I’ve found out that my husband’s long-time friend (who I’ve known for years, but we’re not especially close) has also booked onto the same holiday, staying at our hotel. He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old.

I had no say in this. My husband told them about our plans, and they just… decided to come. Apparently it was going to be kept a secret and just surprise us when we got to the airport. I wasn’t asked if I was okay with it, and now I’m expected to share my holiday with a group of people I don’t know well, including a young child, which changes the whole dynamic of the trip.

I also want to be honest: I struggle with confidence, especially around my body and skin. I deal with hormonal acne, and holidays are the one time I let go, go makeup-free, and truly relax — knowing no one knows me and I don’t have to “perform” socially. Now, with someone 12 years younger than me who I barely know coming along, I feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy — it’s about not feeling safe to just be myself anymore.

My husband says I’m overreacting and that there’s “nothing wrong with my body,” but he’s totally missing the emotional side of this for me. I feel like my space has been taken away from me, and I’ve lost the freedom I was looking forward to.

AIBU to feel upset about this? And has anyone else dealt with something similar?

This would ruin a holiday for me too, I definitely would have no interest in hanging out with people I don't know and trying to make small talk. It's very strange of them to tag along anyway. I'd be cancelling the holiday altogether (if possible) and going to a completely different destination. At the very minimum I'd change hotels and maybe just meet up with them for one meal during the week and no more.

Me too, I would have rather stayed in the hotel room all holiday than been forced to engage with other teens. Not every teen is some social butterfly who makes friends wherever they go, some of us liked our own company for down time. And if someone expected me to entertain/look out for someone else’s 5 year old, I would have started walking home….

I'm wondering if he's said it because it's what he's actually thinking about himself.

Hence me wondering if there is a step family dynamic

YANBU at all and I would be spitting feathers even without the body insecurity piece. (I’m too old to worry!) That’s not a fucking holiday, it’s 10 days of awkward small talk and babysitting. I’d be binning it off and sticking a different holiday for me and DD on a credit card. If DH wants to holiday with a 5 year old and a virtual stranger, let him fill his boots.

There is plenty of CF’ery on here, admittedly it’s possible that the friend had the brass neck to think of this all by himself, but I’d be suspicious of DH’s role in orchestrating or at least encouraging this.

Same. Me and my DD would be jetting off somewhere else.

I also don't really believe that DH didn't have a clue.

If he thinks you'll need someone to talk to, it shows he is not intending to spend time talking to you himself.

You envision a nice family holiday with the three of you. DH does not seem to have the same view - does he actually want to spend a holiday with just you and DD? It seems he doesn't.

This is awful. I have similar skin and body issues and would not be able to use the hotel facilities at all in this situation.
I think you need to cancel and rebook either a different hotel or a different week. Otherwise isn't there a risk that the date will arrive and you just won't go?

Oh come off it. If they’re in the same hotel, they’ll see each other by the pool, in the restaurant. They won’t avoid seeing them. And she’ll be made out to be a psycho if she just ignores them.

I think you need to change hotels OP, sorry :(

This one is on your DH. He should pay the extra. Who tells their friend the exact place and doesn’t stop them booking it?! Really rude.

Only if she says yes to doing so.

I'm so sorry OP. Your husband has made this decision for himself presumably knowing you wouldn't like it hence the "surprise". It might be a different story if it was friends you were also close to but that is not the case.

Try and make the most of it. You are under no obligation to entertain the girlfriend and her children. Go and do stuff with your DD. Make sure you are not dependent on DH to get about and do stuff. Let him entertain his friends. If you're seen as being unfriendly just explain the situation to this woman then hopefully she'll adjust her expectations and might have the good foresight to see a red flag in her own relationship.

If you can cancel the hotel without losing money I'd do that.

But she's going to feel under obligation. Who wants to spend their whole holiday trying to make excuses or trying to avoid ppl?

It's obvious her DH is planning on spending time with them given the 'someone to talk to' comment.

Argh I'm so annoyed for you OP.

At the risk of going a bit ‘cancel the cheque’ Id really look at changing the dates!!!

Do you think he’s hoping for a lads holiday - him and his mate drinking by the pool while the little women keep the kids occupied?? F that. Change dates or hotels and tell him he can’t tell them the new plan.

I'd be either changing the hotel or the dates and making your DH pay the difference...

"Read him the Riot Act" What does this even mean, can you post a copy?

😆

@AbbeyDown I do wish you'd put a vote on this AIBU OP. Judging by everyone's replies I reckon it would have been close to 100% YANBU, if not 100%, and you could have shown it to your stupid DH!

I would be so upset by this too and understand where you are coming from. I would look at changing hotels, and perhaps meeting up with them for dinner one night? That's the level of interaction I would expect, if on a holiday in the same vicinity as friends, but that's all I'd commit to.

If there is no way of changing hotels, and you are stuck with this arrangement, look at things like whether there are several pools and you can DD go to a quiet pool that might not be suitable for their 5 year old? Book your self some spa treatments, perhaps excursions to go on but don't mention it to the other couple?

Really not ideal - holidays are precious time. I can't believe this other couple were going to surprise you. What a nightmare. I hope you can sort your arrangements out so that you are comfortable and looking forward to it again.

Hard Agree with this post.
You and DD need lots and lots of plans. Every day, if need be.

I will bet my last Rolo these idiot men decided to stitch up you, GT and daughters with this amazing group holiday.

Holidaying with someone you have only met once, with a young child who you may never have met. YABNU to be upset, regardless of the other things you mention.

I’d also be angry and upset. I would seriously hate being in a bikini/swimsuit making awkward small talk to a stranger on my holiday. Having a five year old in the party would really piss me off. Agree with others this was planned between your husband and his mate who fancy disappearing to the bar to talk football (or whatever) while the women look after the kids. Are the flights refundable/flexible? If so I’d rebook for a different date. If not, I’d be looking for alternative accommodation within reach of the airport. Alternatively I’d take my daughter off for a holiday just us. The last one if my preferred option tbh

It's just a saying that refers to a piece of UK legislation, namely, "The Riot Act 1714".

Your dh has arranged this with his best friend, he has given them the dates and the hotel name - he has almost certainly given them the same flight details.

You have a much bigger problem than one ruined holiday op. That’s my view. How on earth would he know all of this? Your dh has set this up - start to finish.

People need to stop saying rebook. If the money was there, the family wouldn't just be having one holiday.

OP, make it clear to your DH that if him and his mate are going anywhere, they take the five year old, or the Mum/older sister are in charge and you and your DD will be doing what you want. Your nights won't be changing and you aren't going back to the days of having a five year old. The ideal would be for them, minus you, to go off to a water park/quad biking. However your DD is going to be fleeing the nest soon and you both need to work on your relationship as a couple. Start as you mean to go on, separate plans to the Airport etc. Ask him now if this was planned, or permission granted, because it will come out on holiday.

Bang on the money!

Yep. Put it on a credit card and arrange a totally different holiday. Then he can go on a holiday with his mate and a five year old and see how he likes it.