Page 32 | My one and only holiday ruined?

AbbeyDown · 2025-04-07T08:23:13+00:00

AIBU to feel really upset that my holiday plans have changed without my input? I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really unsettled about something, and my husband doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from. We booked a 10-day holiday abroad as a break after my 16-year-old daughter finishes her GCSEs. It was meant to be just the three of us — a time to relax, unwind, and celebrate her finishing such a stressful chapter. Now I’ve found out that my husband’s long-time friend (who I’ve known for years, but we’re not especially close) has also booked onto the same holiday, staying at our hotel. He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old. I had no say in this. My husband told them about our plans, and they just… decided to come. Apparently it was going to be kept a secret and just surprise us when we got to the airport. I wasn’t asked if I was okay with it, and now I’m expected to share my holiday with a group of people I don’t know well, including a young child, which changes the whole dynamic of the trip. I also want to be honest: I struggle with confidence, especially around my body and skin. I deal with hormonal acne, and holidays are the one time I let go, go makeup-free, and truly relax — knowing no one knows me and I don’t have to “perform” socially. Now, with someone 12 years younger than me who I barely know coming along, I feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy — it’s about not feeling safe to just be myself anymore. My husband says I’m overreacting and that there’s “nothing wrong with my body,” but he’s totally missing the emotional side of this for me. I feel like my space has been taken away from me, and I’ve lost the freedom I was looking forward to. AIBU to feel upset about this? And has anyone else dealt with something similar?

HowToBuy · 08/04/2025 19:24

AbbeyDown · 08/04/2025 19:20

@HowToBuyThe makeup situation might sound insignificant to some people but honestly for me it’s freeing me for me on holiday but at the minute this is the least of my worries. I’m looking at trying to amend our flights and hotel booking to even a couple of weeks before. It’s making me furious I’m even having to mess around like this to enjoy our holiday which we booked for ourselves!!

it’s not insignificant at all, I would be the exact same.

Fingers crossed you can change your dates… or your husband grows a pair and speaks to his friends!!!

adriftinadenofvipers · 08/04/2025 19:25

AbbeyDown · 08/04/2025 19:20

@HowToBuyThe makeup situation might sound insignificant to some people but honestly for me it’s freeing me for me on holiday but at the minute this is the least of my worries. I’m looking at trying to amend our flights and hotel booking to even a couple of weeks before. It’s making me furious I’m even having to mess around like this to enjoy our holiday which we booked for ourselves!!

I think your husband's mate should be the one to change hotels - they booked most recently, so there should be less of a price difference too!

If it hadn't been AI then you could have spent time away from the hotel at least.

I can't believe the fucking cheek of them. I hope you can get it changed if they won't change their plans.

100percenthagitude · 08/04/2025 19:27

AbbeyDown · 08/04/2025 19:06

My husband and I are really clashing over this. He’s adamant that he didn’t invite them — he insists all he did was respond when his friend asked for the name of our hotel and the exact dates we were going. But honestly, I said to him, how naïve can you be? If someone’s asking for those details and even requesting a screenshot of the hotel, it’s pretty obvious what their intentions are. His response? “I didn’t think they’d actually book it!”

The most frustrating part is that I booked our hotel months ago — we’ve been before and love it — and now that our flights are already paid for, all the nearby hotels for those same dates are coming up £1000 more. So even trying to switch feels impossible.

Another issue is that the hotel has an adults-only pool area, which is 18+. I’ve paid for my daughter as an adult, but it all depends on whether the hotel gives her an adult or child wristband — and that’s never guaranteed. If she can’t use that then a quieter space might not even be available to us.

I’m absolutely furious. I would never insert myself into someone else’s family holiday — especially not uninvited — and I certainly wouldn’t want to. What was supposed to be a special trip for me and my daughter, something we were both really looking forward to, has now turned into a source of stress and anxiety.

Well, at least you know you're stuck with it,@AbbeyDown

Have you selected your plane tickets? That way you can avoid being "fwends" at the airport. Book a lounge, first class, and keep your distance.

Protect your space while you are there. Focus on your daughter.

Your DH is a twat and he must know it by now. It's completely down to him how he manages HIS time with HIS mate. There are no joint happy family activities to be had.

If I was you, I would leave him to it, with the explicit understanding that his choices would be impacting on the marriage, going forward.

Streaaa · 08/04/2025 19:27

I feel so sorry for you.
Holiday spoiled and so stressful.
You now realising your husband is a liar who dismisses you when you don't fall in to line.

Honestly OP, in your place I would tell him he can spend the holiday with his precious friend, you don't want to see him or them.

You will spend your time and meals with your daughter alone and he can spend his holiday with his precious friend that is clearly more important than his family.

Make it really awkward for him.
Ignore completely his friend and girlfriend and child.

I would not be moving on for this.
His friend is more important to him than this lovely treat you wanted for your daughter.
Fxxk that.
I wouldn't be getting over this.
Your poor daughter.
How long is this controlling, manipulative loser in her life?

Excellent suggestion to contact the hotel, explain the conflict and ask to be roomed as far away as possible from them.

CountryQueen · 08/04/2025 19:30

Why are people telling the OP to turn CF herself and take a child into the over 18s adult area?

I don’t want to spend my holiday with a 16 year old any more than the OP wants to spend hers with a 5 year old.

One CF family brought their 16 and 15 year olds in to an adult pool and jacuzzi area and the staff were all over it. Good job because I would definitely have complained.

Commonsense22 · 08/04/2025 19:32

adriftinadenofvipers · 08/04/2025 19:25

I think your husband's mate should be the one to change hotels - they booked most recently, so there should be less of a price difference too!

If it hadn't been AI then you could have spent time away from the hotel at least.

I can't believe the fucking cheek of them. I hope you can get it changed if they won't change their plans.

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This. I'd be contacting the mate and his gf, explaining how incredibly upset you are, and asking they change hotels. They can only say no, but it will at least emphasize how strongly you feel.

I'd be making clear to them before you leave that you don't want to see them, sit near them or speak with them and don't they dare dream ask for childcare.

StupidBoy · 08/04/2025 19:32

And weird bodily insecurities aside, I would not want my holiday hijacked by people I have not deliberately chosen to spend an entire week or fortnight with. Even my really good friends I probably couldn't manage more than a long weekend with. I need my own space or I go a bit mad after too many days of of intense forced socialising.

And I especially don't want to have to compromise on holiday over choice of evening restaurant or whatever, for more than a day or two. Grrrrr. I'm really cross on your behalf.

laraitopbanana · 08/04/2025 19:32

Flameflick · 07/04/2025 09:24

The fact they’re coming doesn’t meant you need to spend time with them

It well depends of the husband though…except if she plans to have the holidays just with her daughter but that wasn’t what she wanted.

adriftinadenofvipers · 08/04/2025 19:34

Commonsense22 · 08/04/2025 19:32

This. I'd be contacting the mate and his gf, explaining how incredibly upset you are, and asking they change hotels. They can only say no, but it will at least emphasize how strongly you feel.

I'd be making clear to them before you leave that you don't want to see them, sit near them or speak with them and don't they dare dream ask for childcare.

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That's a really good point - if you can't get things changed to suit you, then put them on notice that you are holidaying entirely separately.

I'd expect your husband not to be making plans with his friend, though I would say there's slim chance of that!

Risingsun93 · 08/04/2025 19:34

beAsensible1 · 07/04/2025 10:02

You can still lounge and do the kindle. You don’t have to liaise with them about times.

just wave when they walk by. They will
probably up and out really due to the 5 year old so you should be fine.

your DD might enjoy some optional teenage company to go and explore the hotel or to go for a walk outside etc.

they will be in the same place, it’s not a shared holiday.

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Fully agree with this. No harm in thinking the possibility of it actually being enjoyable. Just keep a distance, and make your plans as you would normally. If they become too much just say to them we're off to relax, maybe see you around.

Livingthebestlife · 08/04/2025 19:35

It sounds like your dh wants them there, could it be that he wants to be doing something else while you're reading ? I've gone away with readers and tbh it gets pretty boring sitting at the pool not talking. Maybe he wants his mate to do things with.

adriftinadenofvipers · 08/04/2025 19:35

CountryQueen · 08/04/2025 19:30

Why are people telling the OP to turn CF herself and take a child into the over 18s adult area?

I don’t want to spend my holiday with a 16 year old any more than the OP wants to spend hers with a 5 year old.

One CF family brought their 16 and 15 year olds in to an adult pool and jacuzzi area and the staff were all over it. Good job because I would definitely have complained.

Now I don't want children hanging around my holiday but I don't think even I would mind a solitary 17 year old who wasn't getting in my face? Young people a mere year older could easily be around the childfree zone and creating much more disturbance!

HowToBuy · 08/04/2025 19:36

@StupidBoyim so with you on the forced socialising as well. I only have a very limited social battery that is eaten up by my job mostly, I want to spend my holiday reading and not having to talk to people. Im so cross and gutted for @AbbeyDown as well, what a shitty thing for them to do without asking.

What conversation did your husband have with his friend exactly? As in, when he found out they had booked themselves onto your holiday?

EdithBond · 08/04/2025 19:39

AbbeyDown · 08/04/2025 19:20

@HowToBuyThe makeup situation might sound insignificant to some people but honestly for me it’s freeing me for me on holiday but at the minute this is the least of my worries. I’m looking at trying to amend our flights and hotel booking to even a couple of weeks before. It’s making me furious I’m even having to mess around like this to enjoy our holiday which we booked for ourselves!!

I wouldn’t be doing that. I’d be demanding they change theirs. CFs.

And it’s nothing to do with your skin or make up. It’s your holiday.

Message to the friend’s DP: “When I saw you at the weekend you said you hoped we didn’t mind you hijacking our holiday. I’m afraid we do mind. We’d appreciate it if you could change your dates, as we’ve had our family holiday booked for months and don’t want to go to the same place as anyone we know. It’s nothing personal”.

GreenCandleWax · 08/04/2025 19:41

AbbeyDown · 08/04/2025 19:06

My husband and I are really clashing over this. He’s adamant that he didn’t invite them — he insists all he did was respond when his friend asked for the name of our hotel and the exact dates we were going. But honestly, I said to him, how naïve can you be? If someone’s asking for those details and even requesting a screenshot of the hotel, it’s pretty obvious what their intentions are. His response? “I didn’t think they’d actually book it!”

The most frustrating part is that I booked our hotel months ago — we’ve been before and love it — and now that our flights are already paid for, all the nearby hotels for those same dates are coming up £1000 more. So even trying to switch feels impossible.

Another issue is that the hotel has an adults-only pool area, which is 18+. I’ve paid for my daughter as an adult, but it all depends on whether the hotel gives her an adult or child wristband — and that’s never guaranteed. If she can’t use that then a quieter space might not even be available to us.

I’m absolutely furious. I would never insert myself into someone else’s family holiday — especially not uninvited — and I certainly wouldn’t want to. What was supposed to be a special trip for me and my daughter, something we were both really looking forward to, has now turned into a source of stress and anxiety.

I am so cross on your behalf, OP. What an absolute idiot your DH is, and worse too. I so hope you get the holiday you deserve, but someone - you probably - is going to have to say something - preferably before you leave, so that they know what to expect. Firm boundaries, OP and preferably a different place to stay. If you can afford it, its worth throwing some money at.

ForRealMember · 08/04/2025 19:41

Holidays are so important. They are your one and only time to relax and be yourself. It is very weird behaviour to surprise you like this. Any wriggle room on this. Moving the hotel etc.. Most of us are conscious in our swimming costumes but tend to be okay if we are comfortable with the person. I wonder if they have an edge/you feel judged. If so, your instinct is prob right

WilfredsPies · 08/04/2025 19:43

What sort of idiot gives his holiday details to anyone who asks for them? What did he think his mate was going to do with them? Treat you to upgrades to Business class flights and a luxury penthouse suite? 🤦‍♀️

OneHardyMintZebra · 08/04/2025 19:49

Oh OP I’m with you on this, I’d be fuming! You don’t need a reason to not want to spend your holiday with people you barely know. Your DH may have just been naive, who knows. But it does sound like he wouldn’t mind having them there whether it’s to hang out with his mate or whatever reason. But he’s not thinking of you at all. Or your DD. I hope you get it sorted. If not, I think I’d be going off with my DD and he can stay and have fun with them and their 5 year old. No offence to children, I have a 5 year old and he does not just ‘chill’. I wouldn’t dream of imposing him on someone without an invite!

Russiandollsaresofullofthemselves · 08/04/2025 19:50

if that was me and my husband wouldn’t listen then I would be contacting his friend directly telling him that it was a dick move to invite themself to someone else’s holiday and telling them to rebook their dates at their own expense.

Paq · 08/04/2025 19:51

I totally understand your feelings OP and they are valid. I can only assume your husband is feeling guilt and defensive.

re the wristbands, they will give your daughter a child one because it’s about ordering alcohol. Whether they then check that at the over 18s pool is another thing.

croydon15 · 08/04/2025 19:55

You can still lie by the pool with your kindle and don't talk to anyone if you don't want to, it's your choice your DH has already told his mate that you like to do your own thing when on holiday, hopefully they will get the message and leave you alone

rookiemere · 08/04/2025 19:56

@AbbeyDownI would ask your DH to send the messages that he sent to his DF around your booking. You can play dumb and pretend you totally believe his cock and bull story about not knowing they were going to book and say you need to frame a message to them, so this will help with the context.

It would be very interesting to see how he positioned it originally, it’s just about conceivable it was in a - look what a good holiday bargain we got at this hotel with these flights so you can do similar, but more likely it was a more the merrier would be great if you come along as @AbbeyDownLoves talking to people at the pool and DSD will be sure to get on with your teen, and we can leave the youngun to the women eh !

Ethina · 08/04/2025 20:01

I totally understand OP. This exact thing happened to one of my friends over half term for a ski holiday. Not much you can do as hotels are open to anyone to book, and this kind of situation can occur at any time without pre planning.

My friend solved it by booking one dinner together, and otherwise just minding their own separate business. Since they made plans to meet up, there was zero awkwardness around bumping into each other etc at other times.

Your husband and his friend will definitely want to catch up separately, so make sure they book it in as a specific event (drinks, a meal, an activity). That way there is a clear line of demarcation around family time and social time and hopefully everyone will get to see just enough of each other.

We have just had our holiday hijacked by MIL which I’m not thrilled about so you have my sympathies.

DraigCymraeg · 08/04/2025 20:01

SomewhereinSuberbia · 08/04/2025 13:58

AbbyDown if youdo come back, you may be entitled to some Universal Credit, you are allowed savings of 16,000 and if the rest is pension savings you may be entitled to something.

Have I missed something? Where does Universal Credit come into this please?

Doubledenim305 · 08/04/2025 20:04

I don't think I'd want to go.
Let him go abd take daughter or just go on a different holiday with daughter. Cut Ur losses and stay away from that toxic situation.
If you go, you will be the horrible wife ruining the holiday and causing an atmo. DH will not be empathetic. He will just resent u for embarrassing him and ruining the holiday.
Vote to not go.