My one and only holiday ruined?

[AbbeyDown]

AIBU to feel really upset that my holiday plans have changed without my input?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really unsettled about something, and my husband doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from.

We booked a 10-day holiday abroad as a break after my 16-year-old daughter finishes her GCSEs. It was meant to be just the three of us — a time to relax, unwind, and celebrate her finishing such a stressful chapter.

Now I’ve found out that my husband’s long-time friend (who I’ve known for years, but we’re not especially close) has also booked onto the same holiday, staying at our hotel. He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old.

I had no say in this. My husband told them about our plans, and they just… decided to come. Apparently it was going to be kept a secret and just surprise us when we got to the airport. I wasn’t asked if I was okay with it, and now I’m expected to share my holiday with a group of people I don’t know well, including a young child, which changes the whole dynamic of the trip.

I also want to be honest: I struggle with confidence, especially around my body and skin. I deal with hormonal acne, and holidays are the one time I let go, go makeup-free, and truly relax — knowing no one knows me and I don’t have to “perform” socially. Now, with someone 12 years younger than me who I barely know coming along, I feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy — it’s about not feeling safe to just be myself anymore.

My husband says I’m overreacting and that there’s “nothing wrong with my body,” but he’s totally missing the emotional side of this for me. I feel like my space has been taken away from me, and I’ve lost the freedom I was looking forward to.

AIBU to feel upset about this? And has anyone else dealt with something similar?

Ooops wrong post sorry lol

“Ah thanks for letting us know but we’re doing this today”

I don’t think you’re making a bigger deal out of it. If anything, I don’t think you are making a big enough deal about having your precious last holiday completely altered.

And if it isn’t such a big deal, your Husband can cancel his mate.

im sorry OP. I really am.

Why not change it so it's just you and your daughter going on holiday, don't tell your husband or his mate. Wait until it's time to go to the airport, drop them off even and surprise them with thr fact you both won't be going. Go on your own holiday with your daughter how you want it.

That only works if you’re not already sat down by the pool, or in the bar, or at a restaurant when they’re pulling up some extra seats. Or when they’re like ah thanks for letting us know but we’re going to the beach today, DHs friend, who clearly has no boundaries, says ok great plan we will come with!

I dont think I’d have the guts at every invitation or attempt to join to be telling them some excuse about why we cant go/they can’t join

I just wanted to add that I understand completely why you are upset. To be honest, I think your skin/body is actually beside the point. Even with a perfect body/skin I would not want the very nature of my holiday changed in this way. It completely changes the vibe of the holiday.

You don't want to have to set boundaries, it will definitely create some awkwardness and that is the last thing you want on holiday. I hope you manage to change hotels. Good luck!

Yanbu

Totally feel for you. I'd be mortified as I'm so self conscious in swimwear. Would ruin my holiday. Hope you manage to change hotels.

TBH I think dreading it is going to be worse than the reality. Just smile and politely explain that you like to be private and relaxed on holiday, and decline any invitations. Apologise for being a bit anti-social and let them get on with it. At least they won't do it again.

We did have a similar situation when a fuckwit friend of DH's wanted to crash one of our holidays but luckily DH was totally on my side and we wouldn't tell him where we were. The thought of him joining us made me very stressed indeed.

Is there anywhere else you could stay?

If you are going to a Mediterranean country (Spain, Italy, Portugal, France, etc) it may be worth googling to see if there is a Convent nearby to check into. The nuns won't care if you don't wear make up. I was brought up in a Convent School and they were a right shabby bunch. Seriously, they are nothing like the clear skinned, sky blue eyed with trim figures ones that you often see in the movies... Definitely not Audrey Hepburn in A Nun's Story.

Tell them you'd like to be left alone to atone for your sins and to read the couple of potboilers you brought with you.

This is what abusive types too, gaslight you, call you too sensitive, too difficult, when you assert yourself.

He knew exactly what was going to happen, so he is a liar.
He then dismisses the OPs concerns as fussibgband drama.

This is not a good man.
I really hope the OP wakes up to that.
This is her holiday and she gets to decide if she wants to socialise.
She doesn't know this woman and quite reasonably has no interest in being around her or her 5 year old.

Her husband belittling her concerns smacks of abusive behaviour.
Time OP had a closer look at him.

The only reason you would ask when someone was going to a hotel that you wanted to book would be using those dates to avoid booking at the same time.

It’s the height of rudeness to do what they have done. It’s the equivalent of wearing white to a wedding, or publicly proposing to your girlfriend during the reception.

Gf is definitely going to get your dd to baby sit her child one night so you couples can go out together.
Think she might get upset when she realises that you aren’t going to entertain her

If dh doesn’t see that there is a problem then you and dd can book an Airbnb with its own pool a few miles away and he can entertain them.

Sorry they have done this. I’d be livid. I’m also sorry that your partner is acting so selfishly and lacking any empathy instead being dismissive of your feelings. He probably doesn’t care because his mate is going.

I hope you manage to change hotels. If not he needs to be setting some boundaries with his mate about the holiday - it’s a family holiday. If you can’t change I’d be making plans with your daughter as much as possible. They’ll be by the pool early if they have a 5 year old, as it’s AI I’m assuming the resort is big - grab a pool lounger elsewhere maybe? Do they have an adults-only section? I only ask as some places allow kids 16+ here so you might be able to head here instead?

@AbbeyDownif its not possible to change hotel, I would perhaps contact the DGF.

“DGF I may have looked somewhat surprised when you told me you would be on holiday at the same resort at the same time as DH had not mentioned it to me. I am very disappointed in DH didn’t speak to me before giving your DBF the information, as he knows that I wanted this holiday to be just the three of us for DD to relax after her exams.

Its absolutely not a reflection on you or your family, but I wanted to let you know in advance that we will be doing our own thing and I would rather give you the heads up in advance so DD and I don’t appear rude at the resort.”

Horribly awkward, but perhaps she wasn’t consulted either or was told that your family suggested the idea. She might be just as awkward with it all as you are - after all if you were likely to be bosom buddies, you would have been introduced to each other a lot earlier.

I would cancel.

Just to say that I would book your own villa through an Airbnb type agency with your own private pool from now on.

That way no one can gate crash your holiday

If this woman knew she was hijacking your holiday and still did it then they are cheeky f*ckers

I would have some passive aggressive remarks to make sure they know they aren’t welcome and there will be no chin wags by the pool cooing over the DS

You actually thought we would be surprised.
I think shocked would have been nearer to the truth

I thought when you asked for our itinerary that it was a given that you would use it to avoid the dates we were going

I'd not mention the dd is 16 and just head to the adult section. They limit teens as they don't want groups but one alone shouldn't get anyone's notice.

I'd be havibg the hotel changed.
DH can tell the friend that you all won't be available now (of ever you were) as you're staying at a hotel 15 miles away...

Or the holiday company are having to upgrade you to anothrt hotel.

But be sure not to give the DH the name or location of that hotel so he can’t tell his mate!!

I'd be bloody annoyed about this too. And I think your husband is being very unfair,being so dismissive of your worries.

Pre warn you DH and get him to also tell his friend that under no circumstances will either you or your teenage DD be used as a childminding service at any time for the five year old. Also that while you don't mind spending some mutually agreed time with them that this is a separate holiday for each family with no expectations to find each other every day. Once you lay down some ground rules you might feel more relaxed about the situation.

Very much feeling for you OP, but wanted to make you feel a bit better by saying this 100% won't be the last holiday your daughter wants to come on with you. My daughter's 22 and she still loves coming on a week's holidays with me (that could of course be because I'm paying for most of it!). You will still have more holidays with your lovely daughter. Of course that doesn't stop this being a particularly rubbish situation you find yourself in right now.

And childminding includes hanging out with the GF and the five year old while the men piss off to play golf or whatever. Just no.

She won’t be allowed to - at AI resorts guests are given bracelets upon checkin that cannot be removed unless cut off (or they break). Often they are used to open the hotel doors as well.

The children’s/under 18s have a different colour so that they cannot access adult only areas or be served alcohol.

Oh no this is a nightmare & I am completely with you on everything you said @AbbeyDown it totally chnages the dynamic of what sounded like an idyllic holiday for the three of you, tbh I'd be asking my husband not to go now & leave your daughter & you to it, his friend after all...

I agree with the being accused of being rude or aloof for wanting to spend time relaxing rather than bein "on" which is what you are when you're in company, even close friends sometimes AND I totally get your chance to actually just exhale, go make up less etc.. it's one of life's pleasures about being on holidays away from people you know, you'd be on edge thinking they'd pop up at anytime & why should you & your daughter have to scarper off to the beach or wherever just to avoid them? As you said in AI so surely that's the point, you don't HAVE to go anywhere if you don't want to

I'm furious on your behalf but sadly apart from cancelling all together or telling you "Dear" husband he can't go now I don't know what to say to you, absolute nightmare 💐