My one and only holiday ruined?

[AbbeyDown]

AIBU to feel really upset that my holiday plans have changed without my input?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really unsettled about something, and my husband doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from.

We booked a 10-day holiday abroad as a break after my 16-year-old daughter finishes her GCSEs. It was meant to be just the three of us — a time to relax, unwind, and celebrate her finishing such a stressful chapter.

Now I’ve found out that my husband’s long-time friend (who I’ve known for years, but we’re not especially close) has also booked onto the same holiday, staying at our hotel. He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old.

I had no say in this. My husband told them about our plans, and they just… decided to come. Apparently it was going to be kept a secret and just surprise us when we got to the airport. I wasn’t asked if I was okay with it, and now I’m expected to share my holiday with a group of people I don’t know well, including a young child, which changes the whole dynamic of the trip.

I also want to be honest: I struggle with confidence, especially around my body and skin. I deal with hormonal acne, and holidays are the one time I let go, go makeup-free, and truly relax — knowing no one knows me and I don’t have to “perform” socially. Now, with someone 12 years younger than me who I barely know coming along, I feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy — it’s about not feeling safe to just be myself anymore.

My husband says I’m overreacting and that there’s “nothing wrong with my body,” but he’s totally missing the emotional side of this for me. I feel like my space has been taken away from me, and I’ve lost the freedom I was looking forward to.

AIBU to feel upset about this? And has anyone else dealt with something similar?

She does sound a little deranged however having some randoms book themselves on my annual holiday would make me pretty deranged too.

Well if it's irritating you, just hide the thread?

You did, just not in so many words - it was implied. "None of this endless navel gazing on a mumsnet thread about it".

If that was what I thought I wouldn't waste my precious time posting on such a thread.

Hi OP, this is a slight tangent, but when I was 16 and my parents had to pay for me as an adult, when we checked into the all inclusive hotel and they dishing out the wristbands, she simply said "three adults" and so I got an adult wristband. To her mind, she had paid for me as an adult and therefore I should have access to the same pools and all inclusive alcoholic drinks as my older sister! I didn't go mad on it, but it meant I could have a beer around the pool without worrying that people might cop my wristband being a different colour. As far as I'm concerned, if you've paid for her as an adult, she deserves the same benefits as all the other adult ticket holders. Definitely worth chancing!

I completely understand your reaction, I would have the exact same one as you & have a similarly “relaxed” husband who would not appreciate where I was coming from either. I think at this point, it’s about having a hard word with yourself; they have been COMPLETE CF’s hijacking your holiday but if you give your head a good wobble & put some strict boundaries in place, you can still have a holiday that is relaxing and please yourself by doing exactly what you want to do, when you want it & that’s by saying No thank you. No thank you, I want to read my book in private, no thank you we want to have a quiet family meal, no thank you we are off for a family day out. Yes, it’s not ideal or easy and it will feel awkward as arse the first few times but as you have said, this is your one holiday this year. Just don’t let them ruin it. Do what suits yourself & dip in and out of socialising with them as and when you feel like it. As I see it, any other solution will be cutting your nose off despite your face and could very well be the final nail in the coffin for a good friendship of your husbands. Be upfront with them from the get go, tell them that this holiday is about relaxing and spending time together as a family of three & that’s what you still intend for it to be & then just say no to what you don’t want to do. Sometimes, life throws us a curveball, we cannot control every single aspect of life that comes along as much as we might try & although not ideal, far worse things could have happened to ruin your holiday. Sometimes you just have to shake it off and make the best of it & get on with it.

It’s not about feeling threatened; it’s about being forced into a social situation I didn’t agree to. I’m someone who values peace and privacy on holiday — I don’t want to make small talk or get to know new people. I just want to switch off, be antisocial if I feel like it, and properly relax without the pressure of playing host or being “on.”

I totally get this @AbbeyDown and you need to set boundaries and expectations very clearly.

Start with your DH: tell him you will NOT be forced into socialising with this couple every night. If he and his mate want to go off and do things, fine. But you and your DD will not be roped into hanging out as "the girls" with this man's girlfriend and her 5 year old.

You could also be brave and say that to her: explain it as you have here. It's absolutely fine for you to have a complete destress and downtime, where you don't have to socialise outside your immediate family.

You might like to read this thread for some really helpful tips about setting boundaries without being aggressive or rude (although just ignore the posters advising "Just say Fuck off."

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5308866-work-colleague-has-decided-to-come-on-holiday-with-me-again?reply=143401358

it looks like you're doing your best to change hotels, OP, and i really hope it works out for you.
But thinking about your teenage DD, when DS was 17 I booked an AI holiday for all three of us to a nice Caribbean resort that was adults only. When I realised I'd made a mistake I got on to BA ( holiday provider) and explained.
The lady assured me that an older teen, on holiday with his family, was not a problem at all. He basically counted as an adult, (and we had certainly paid for him as a third adult, own hotel room etc.) I'd have thought a 16 year old girl would be counted similarly -- i would definitely check it out if sadly you are indeed unable to change hotels. The Caribbean seems to be quite laid back, unlike the US when it comes to to age. He had no problem getting served in the bars, either. Could easily pass for 18-19.
But most of all I hope you manage to change hotels. Good luck 🤞🏻

I would definitely change hotels, I haven't read the whole thread just your replies, but I would never, ever hijack someone else's holiday, and I'm sorry this is happening to you. Be really firm with your DH, and make sure he tells his friend that he was out of order.

I have no doubt OP's husband will want to have a 'boys' night' with his friend and expect OP to hang out with his friend's girlfriend. Or worse, expect the teens to watch the 5 year old so the 'couples' can go out.

I don't envy your situation, OP, and really hope you can move to a 'sister property' in the area.

I totally understand how you feel but don’t cut off your nose to spite your own face. Stick with this hotel. Your daughter will probably be allowed in the adult areas. Just be cool and calm when you bump into them. Say hello and go on your way. They would have to be pretty thick skinned not to get the message.

How bloody annoying. I tell my partner never to arrange social things for me to do without asking me.

Hopefully you can change hotels and your husband can explain why.

This!!!

it’s the hotel you wanted..

You shouldn't have to justify why you don't want them on holiday with you. They are extremely rude imposing on your holiday and your DH should be telling his friend it's out of order . I would tell them how you feel about this and make it very clear you're to be left alone , they are the rude ones not you .

A lot of people are suggesting this but I think unless they are explicit beforehand then they won’t be able to just bump in to them and say hello. They will be turning up at the pool and putting their towels down next to them. They’ll be texting asking where they are. Suggesting dinner reservations. They’ll be following them in to the buffet and sitting at their table. Because they think they’re going on holiday together. Unless someone tells them otherwise there will be no polite avoidance of them, it’s going to have to be spelled out which is awkward for everyone but necessary

Sounds like even then OP would still not enjoy her holiday as just the worry of bumping in to them will put her on edge. Really feel for her as I’d hate for some tagalongs on my hols and I’m not a confrontational person so telling them that would really stress me out

If I'd paid adult prices for my dc, I'd be using the adult facilities

If changing hotels or getting your dad into the adult area doesn’t work you can have earphones in and kindle on at all times. Ignore everyone else and be busy at all times. Don’t eat together or hang out at the bar together. Make the best of it then reassess when you’re back home. This is a really stupid thing for your OH to have done. And saying he didn’t know? Who gives someone their flight details and hotel details and doesn’t realise?!

Sounds like even then OP would still not enjoy her holiday as just the worry of bumping in to them will put her on edge. Really feel for her as I’d hate for some tagalongs on my hols and I’m not a confrontational person so telling them that would really stress me out

Absolutely @Namechangean I'd be feeling exactly this.

It the hotel part of a chain? Do they have another one nearby or in another resort that you can travel to from the airport that way they don't lose the booking?

A lot of adult only areas take over 16s too so worth checking.

Who did you book the hotel with? What's the cancellation?

I absolutely would not be going to the original hotel unless absolutely no ither choice and then I would make it clear we were not meeting the other family for any meals.

This is your DH problem to resolve.

YANBU

Somehow commented on the wrong post oops