My one and only holiday ruined?

[AbbeyDown]

AIBU to feel really upset that my holiday plans have changed without my input?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really unsettled about something, and my husband doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from.

We booked a 10-day holiday abroad as a break after my 16-year-old daughter finishes her GCSEs. It was meant to be just the three of us — a time to relax, unwind, and celebrate her finishing such a stressful chapter.

Now I’ve found out that my husband’s long-time friend (who I’ve known for years, but we’re not especially close) has also booked onto the same holiday, staying at our hotel. He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old.

I had no say in this. My husband told them about our plans, and they just… decided to come. Apparently it was going to be kept a secret and just surprise us when we got to the airport. I wasn’t asked if I was okay with it, and now I’m expected to share my holiday with a group of people I don’t know well, including a young child, which changes the whole dynamic of the trip.

I also want to be honest: I struggle with confidence, especially around my body and skin. I deal with hormonal acne, and holidays are the one time I let go, go makeup-free, and truly relax — knowing no one knows me and I don’t have to “perform” socially. Now, with someone 12 years younger than me who I barely know coming along, I feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy — it’s about not feeling safe to just be myself anymore.

My husband says I’m overreacting and that there’s “nothing wrong with my body,” but he’s totally missing the emotional side of this for me. I feel like my space has been taken away from me, and I’ve lost the freedom I was looking forward to.

AIBU to feel upset about this? And has anyone else dealt with something similar?

ita Really lacking in communication skills to not realise if someone asks what hotel you are going for and the dates they are thinking of coming on holiday with you. there must ah e been some chat otherwise it would be a really weird think to be on the receiving end of

I think your husband sounds disrespectful and potentially gaslighting you - he is telling you what you will enjoy (chatting with the gf) and dismissing your reality even when you spell it out that it isn’t what he believes - I can hear that you are going totally unheard - I’m thinking there must be a history of this for him to react like this. It sounds very overpowering

What’s your plan then? I really feel for you, hope you find a plan that works.

Your DH should have twigged really, if I was being asked specific details about my holiday by someone like that I think I’d have tested the waters with a jokey, you’re not planning on turning up are you? Part of me think she knew full well, which is why he’s not got your back on this.

They have put you in an awful position, either you suck it up, and waste your holiday. You ignore them/avoid them and tell them you won’t be up for socialising or you change or hotel. The last two options are not easy for some people because it comes across rude. So in any senario theres going to be an issue.

I think I’d have to tell DH to tell them the truth, and then try and change the hotel. DH friend will likely be upset but he shouldn’t have tagged along uninvited

@CautiousLurker01we have had to pay for her as an adult. We have had to book it as 3 adults. Would that make a difference?

I can't imagine being this awful, a person as vile as this is not someone who I would ever ever want to be within a 100 ft off let alone holiday with. Just awful

I'd be furious. Also willing to bet your DD is going to be roped into babysitting along with their oldest

@ASimpleLampoonmy DD will not be roped into any babysitting whatsoever. I will not allow it. I’m trying with all my might to move hotels. If for any chance I cannot, my DD will not be in any shape or form be involved in looking after a young child on her holiday.

Most European hotels class 16 as adult so just hang out in the adult only bit if you can’t swap

Oi. Some extroverts are empathetic! This one is.

If you can't change hotels then you and DD need to find other things to do like lounge on a beach away from them.

However as they have a 5 year old, even the most chill ones can't spend all day in a pool, or will want to do the same things every day. For one if it's sunny enough to sit by the pool they will need time out of the sun so they don't get sunstroke.

Sadly I don't think either man in this scenario has thought beyond their own selfish means, but that doesn't mean you and DD should have to march to the beat of their drum.

I hope you’ll change it OP. I don’t think it’s deliberate on your DH’s side but he should have thought why this guy was asking such a detailed info. Your DH was not clever enough to understand what it’s meant and of course now it’s easier to say that it’s nothing.
He probably was talking about the place before and the other guy was saying would love to go too and your DH was answering in a very British way: yeah great idea John etc etc

your body argument was not good ( I understand this but males usually don’t) but it’s about not socialising which would be very difficult, rude and tense at the same place so booking a different place would be much better.

Me too. I'm as extrovert as they come but would be raging if my DH pulled a stunt like this.

If this happens - absolutely say no OP!!!

I suspect @Justkeepingplatesspinning has hit the nail on the head. @AbbeyDown‘s dh is hoping for a nice lads’ holiday with his mate, whilst she and her dd are landed with entertaining his mate’s girlfriend and her child! And now he’s chucking his toys out of the pram because he sees his fun, drinking, sports watching time with his mate being taken away.

Never underestimate the change of dynamic one small child can bring to a holiday in a group.

A friend of a friend took a large villa with pool to share with three other friends families and their late teens in Puglia and they were really looking forward to it.
Huge kitchen and they all had their own bedrooms.

48 hours befor leaving one of the party sprung on them that her sisters husband had a 3 week business trip to the US and she was going to bunk up with her daughter and "give" her daughters bedroom to her sister and 6 year old son.
The others were not impressed, told her so, but she said you won't even notice him there.

He wasn't a rude obnoxious child, but he was so full of energy, never stopped talking, wanted to be played with from early morning.
Convetsation, language, stories all had to beb adaptated.
He wouldn't go to bed before 11 in the heat and then everyone had to speak softly.

It absolutely changed the holiday completely.
The friend realised her error and apologised profusely but on a holiday where the villa cost £k3k a week, and was supposed to be an adult, late teen holiday it changed everything.

This friend has been excluded from a long weekend away subsequently and this years holiday, despite her apologies.

It actually was the three other husbands that were uncharacteristically very pissed off, particularly when it emerged that her husband had warned her not to bring her sister as it might piss the other families off.

He was right.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius it's the sort of stunt my brother has been known to pull in his younger days.

I think then your DH needs to have a quiet word with your friend and explain you’re not happy with the “hijacking your holiday”. Perhaps then they could change their plans to go to a different hotel? If you booked it ages ago and got a good deal, it sounds like the most obvious option as they’ve recently booked.

We had a large group holiday a few years ago. I bought new stuff, tankini, skirts for covering up as didn’t want to feel on show. I vowed not again for a beach holiday. Fine when on a city break for a group.

Hope you manage to sort it but it’s very hard when your dh doesn’t have your back. Good luck.

Can’t just be me who has seen a correlation between 6 year olds described as “Chill” by their smiling parents and 6 year olds who are barely parented…

It totally changes the holiday dynamic - I’d be highly surprised if DH doesn’t bugger off drinking with said mate at some point or breezily agree to you looking after their kids while they go to dinner. Do your DD and theirs actually know/like each other? Because differing personalities could be really awkward for them both.

YANBU - hope you manage to get it changed OP.

I would be furious OP. I could not care less if it was my best friend in the world
coming like this.

1. It is respectful to consult and discuss with me.
2. I want my own space on holiday and to get away from everyone I know.

Poor you OP.

Quite the contrary.

Setting boundaries isn’t deranged. Booking on to someone’s holiday without asking if they’d like shared company is though. What should the op do, suck it up and ‘be kind’?

Can you take matters into your own hands and contact the partner on insta or something? Explain that you think there has been a miscommunication between the men, and that you and DD were not expecting to be joined on your holiday and would rather not, so perhaps they would consider booking a different hotel? If they refuse it could be awkward as hell but it would at least solve the problem of them wanting to socialise with you!!