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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My one and only holiday ruined?

1000 replies

AbbeyDown · 07/04/2025 09:23

AIBU to feel really upset that my holiday plans have changed without my input?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really unsettled about something, and my husband doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from.

We booked a 10-day holiday abroad as a break after my 16-year-old daughter finishes her GCSEs. It was meant to be just the three of us — a time to relax, unwind, and celebrate her finishing such a stressful chapter.

Now I’ve found out that my husband’s long-time friend (who I’ve known for years, but we’re not especially close) has also booked onto the same holiday, staying at our hotel. He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old.

I had no say in this. My husband told them about our plans, and they just… decided to come. Apparently it was going to be kept a secret and just surprise us when we got to the airport. I wasn’t asked if I was okay with it, and now I’m expected to share my holiday with a group of people I don’t know well, including a young child, which changes the whole dynamic of the trip.

I also want to be honest: I struggle with confidence, especially around my body and skin. I deal with hormonal acne, and holidays are the one time I let go, go makeup-free, and truly relax — knowing no one knows me and I don’t have to “perform” socially. Now, with someone 12 years younger than me who I barely know coming along, I feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy — it’s about not feeling safe to just be myself anymore.

My husband says I’m overreacting and that there’s “nothing wrong with my body,” but he’s totally missing the emotional side of this for me. I feel like my space has been taken away from me, and I’ve lost the freedom I was looking forward to.

AIBU to feel upset about this? And has anyone else dealt with something similar?

OP posts:
madaboutpurple · 07/04/2025 21:18

My DH and myself once booked a few days away and a friend saw our information and booked the same place. He was not well at the time and when we booked in the receptionist said Ah you must be the carers it is good of you to look after your relative. Ever since then I have not actually given much info to anyone else about holiday plans. Our friend loved going to pubs whereas we like lovely tea shops. He is no longer alive.

whycantibeselfishforonce · 07/04/2025 21:20

I am 100% with you on this OP. I also like peace and quiet especially on holiday and would be mortified if DHs friends hijacked our one holiday in the year. I totally get this is your special time with your family and your DD and the whole anonymity that being abroad brings which is so freeing.
I absolutely would change the hotel.

CountryQueen · 07/04/2025 21:22

Ah the old “I didn’t think they’d actually do it”. He’s not innocent in the slightest in all of this.

You can’t control what they do but you can control what you do. He will have to admit he fucked up and change the hotel

Janus · 07/04/2025 21:27

@AbbeyDown Sorry to go totally off the topic of the post here but I had terrible acne as a teenager and a certain pill helped mine. However my eldest daughter also had it and no amount of all the pills we tried helped. Eventually we went private (nhs was a year wait) to a consultant and started roaccutane. Hers totally cleared in 4 months but she did a 5 month course. This was 18 months ago and she has the most beautiful skin ever! It made me wish I’d done it as a teenager. I just thought I’d mention that really as it’s been a complete revelation for her.
Btw, I’d hate to go on holiday with even some of my closest friends! I like to totally chill and relax and not have to make conversation etc so I totally get you. Good luck with the holiday, I hope you manage to move.

bigboykitty · 07/04/2025 21:28

In your shoes, OP, I would change the whole booking, flights and hotel. Is it possible to bring the dates forward, if your DD is finishing early after exams ? And I literally wouldn't say a word about this to your husband. I'd just fuck off on my holiday with DD and leave him at home. Your H 100% set up this situation and I would end the relationship over this and his subsequent, pathetic refusal to listen to you and deal with the situation he created. What an absolute cock.

JillMW · 07/04/2025 21:29

Did your husband have any say in the holiday? It sounds as though this is about you and your daughter. He may feel like an extra on your holiday and welcome some company.

Iceandfire92 · 07/04/2025 21:31

Can you pre-book some days out/activities/excursions for just you and your daughter and not tell the others coming along? You could mix that up with some pool days; your DH can stay at the hotel with them and spend time with his friend.

Original poster
AbbeyDown · 07/04/2025 21:33

@WatermillIm in the middle of trying to. Hopefully I can.

OP posts:
BakelikeBertha · 07/04/2025 21:33

OP, have you looked into changing the hotel yet? If not, can I suggest that you do.

If you can't afford to change it, then if you have the email address, or know where this couple live, then I would write to them, and say that in all honesty you were so shocked when they told you they'd booked to come on your holiday, that you were lost for words at the time, but now you've had time to think about it, your really NOT HAPPY about the fact that they've (in her words) 'hijacked your holiday'. Say that, sadly this is likely to be the last family holiday that we have with DD, and the plan was for you all to just chill and enjoy each others company, after all the weeks of strain that she's been under, studying for her exams, so bearing this in mind, please DO NOT expect us to socialise, as we'd rather just do our own thing, without having to consider you and your family. Then if you want to (although I probably wouldn't as they didn't give a shiny shit about your feelings), you could end by saying, I'm sorry if this seems rude, but if you'd have mentioned your plans before booking, I could have made this clear beforehand.

If your DH doesn't like you doing this, then tough! He should be the one telling his mate that he royally fucked up by planning his 'surprise', and has majorly pissed you off.

As an aside, when people do this, I always think that they don't actually enjoy each other's company, so want to latch on to someone else's holiday, in the hope that they'll keep them entertained.

SergeantDawkins · 07/04/2025 21:34

Oh this would infuriate me! All other issues and reasons aside it is simply not ok to hijack someone else’s holiday! How awkward! If you don’t know the girlfriend that well (therefore not bothered about potentially offending her?!) is it at all possible to say to her that you and your dd really want some alone time as a family (and that you think the men have made a mistake in thinking this would be a fun surprise). Awkward as hell but what else can you do?!

Silverstars21 · 07/04/2025 21:35

AbbeyDown · 07/04/2025 20:20

@MercurialMouseIt really is horrible — people with clear skin often just don’t get it. My dermatologist once asked if I’d ever go to work wearing just mascara, and I said absolutely not. It’s not about vanity — I wish I could just throw on some moisturiser in the morning and head out the door. But the truth is, I’m so self-conscious about my skin that I don’t feel comfortable without makeup.

That’s actually one of the things I love most about being abroad — knowing no one knows me gives me this rare sense of freedom. I can go down to breakfast or spend the whole day by the pool completely makeup-free, and I don’t have to think twice about it. But with company — especially people I barely know — that comfort disappears. I wouldn’t be able to fully relax, simply because of how it makes me feel about myself.

Again this is completely understandable OP. You can either waste time fretting & worrying about all this or go ahead and do something about it. If there is an opportunity to change hotels make some excuse for example they wouldn't offer you the room you requested & you became so annoyed you decided to change it. You could pick somewhere further away from your original choice. Your Husband should support you.

LushLemonTart · 07/04/2025 21:36

@AbbeyDown have you told dh you're changing hotels?

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 07/04/2025 21:39

AbbeyDown · 07/04/2025 21:33

@WatermillIm in the middle of trying to. Hopefully I can.

It doesn't take 12 hours.

Notonthestairs · 07/04/2025 21:40

JillMW · 07/04/2025 21:29

Did your husband have any say in the holiday? It sounds as though this is about you and your daughter. He may feel like an extra on your holiday and welcome some company.

Well if he didn’t want to go he should have said. If he wanted a different holiday he should have said. If he wanted his mate to join them on their booked holiday he should have said.

They’ve been to this hotel multiple times- if he wanted to change the parameters he should have spoken to the Op first.

Notonthestairs · 07/04/2025 21:42

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 07/04/2025 21:39

It doesn't take 12 hours.

Show quote history

Maybe the Op wanted an opportunity to talk to her husband first. Paying him the thoughtfulness he’s clearly lacking.

Original poster
AbbeyDown · 07/04/2025 21:44

@thenightskyI would love to spend our time in the adult area but my DD is only 16 even though we are paying for her as an adult.

OP posts:
ButFirstCovfefe · 07/04/2025 21:46

AbbeyDown · 07/04/2025 09:23

AIBU to feel really upset that my holiday plans have changed without my input?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really unsettled about something, and my husband doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from.

We booked a 10-day holiday abroad as a break after my 16-year-old daughter finishes her GCSEs. It was meant to be just the three of us — a time to relax, unwind, and celebrate her finishing such a stressful chapter.

Now I’ve found out that my husband’s long-time friend (who I’ve known for years, but we’re not especially close) has also booked onto the same holiday, staying at our hotel. He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old.

I had no say in this. My husband told them about our plans, and they just… decided to come. Apparently it was going to be kept a secret and just surprise us when we got to the airport. I wasn’t asked if I was okay with it, and now I’m expected to share my holiday with a group of people I don’t know well, including a young child, which changes the whole dynamic of the trip.

I also want to be honest: I struggle with confidence, especially around my body and skin. I deal with hormonal acne, and holidays are the one time I let go, go makeup-free, and truly relax — knowing no one knows me and I don’t have to “perform” socially. Now, with someone 12 years younger than me who I barely know coming along, I feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy — it’s about not feeling safe to just be myself anymore.

My husband says I’m overreacting and that there’s “nothing wrong with my body,” but he’s totally missing the emotional side of this for me. I feel like my space has been taken away from me, and I’ve lost the freedom I was looking forward to.

AIBU to feel upset about this? And has anyone else dealt with something similar?

I was going to come on here with a slightly flippant quip that I just had proper full on flu on my weeks annual leave, which was pretty shit.
…..but I’d rather go through the hell I just went through than what you have happening.

Thats so not on, especially of your partner to just go along with it. Is there any way you could change to a sister hotel or something? (I don’t know how these places work). I’d be so uncomfortable, and I completely understand what you mean when you say not jealous but self conscious! You’ve worded it perfectly.

Dreamingofsunnyskies · 07/04/2025 21:49

Yanbu. I would be livid, too.
Really livid.

Original poster
AbbeyDown · 07/04/2025 21:51

&@JillMWMy husband did, in fact he actually booked it and said it would be good for DD to wind down after her exams. It was his idea.

OP posts:
Silverstars21 · 07/04/2025 21:51

AbbeyDown · 07/04/2025 21:44

@thenightskyI would love to spend our time in the adult area but my DD is only 16 even though we are paying for her as an adult.

My last post on this. It sounds like you are now accepting of the situation OP or you would be posting about trying desperately to change hotel. You never know you may end up having a brilliant time together 😁

cestlaviecherie · 07/04/2025 21:54

AbbeyDown · 07/04/2025 20:23

My husband swears he didn’t actually invite them. He says his friend just asked for the hotel details and our travel dates, and he gave them the info but didn’t think they were seriously going to book. Apparently, he was just as surprised when they actually went ahead and did it.

What else did your husband think his friend was going to do with your travel dates? Rob you while you weren't at home?

He's either not very bright or thinks you were born yesterday.

Ellaenchanted18 · 07/04/2025 21:54

I just wanted to say I’d be the same as you, every word you’ve written is how I’d feel and the dread would build up. Don’t let your husband gaslight you into thinking there’s something wrong with you, you are being unfriendly. I spent years feeling like I was a horrible person for wanting my own space. Keep the flights, book a new hotel. If the original hotel don’t let you cancel- and to be fair, why would they- change the dates for that hotel to next year… you’ll just need to go back!

Original poster
AbbeyDown · 07/04/2025 21:54

@SugarnspicenallthingsnaiceWell it has taken this long, I’ve been trying to look at other hotels in the area and if they are suitable! I’m also waiting for an email back from our hotel.

OP posts:
JorgyPorgy · 07/04/2025 21:57

AbbeyDown · 07/04/2025 09:34

I like just to shove my hair on the top of my head, lie on my sun lounger and read my kindle. I don’t want to sit and socialise with other people. I understand we are lucky to be able to afford a holiday but we can only afford one. This is my one and only time to switch off and escape from work/home life.

Show quote history

You should just do that exactly as you please. Put headphones in , nap , read, you don’t need to engage with anyone you don’t want to . Try not to sit near them by pool . Nor dinner. If they leech on then just move somewhere else.

BakelikeBertha · 07/04/2025 21:57

Glad to hear that you are being proactive OP.

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