My one and only holiday ruined?

[AbbeyDown]

AIBU to feel really upset that my holiday plans have changed without my input?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really unsettled about something, and my husband doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from.

We booked a 10-day holiday abroad as a break after my 16-year-old daughter finishes her GCSEs. It was meant to be just the three of us — a time to relax, unwind, and celebrate her finishing such a stressful chapter.

Now I’ve found out that my husband’s long-time friend (who I’ve known for years, but we’re not especially close) has also booked onto the same holiday, staying at our hotel. He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old.

I had no say in this. My husband told them about our plans, and they just… decided to come. Apparently it was going to be kept a secret and just surprise us when we got to the airport. I wasn’t asked if I was okay with it, and now I’m expected to share my holiday with a group of people I don’t know well, including a young child, which changes the whole dynamic of the trip.

I also want to be honest: I struggle with confidence, especially around my body and skin. I deal with hormonal acne, and holidays are the one time I let go, go makeup-free, and truly relax — knowing no one knows me and I don’t have to “perform” socially. Now, with someone 12 years younger than me who I barely know coming along, I feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy — it’s about not feeling safe to just be myself anymore.

My husband says I’m overreacting and that there’s “nothing wrong with my body,” but he’s totally missing the emotional side of this for me. I feel like my space has been taken away from me, and I’ve lost the freedom I was looking forward to.

AIBU to feel upset about this? And has anyone else dealt with something similar?

Just manage their expectations now. Get you DH to tell his friend you’d love to catch up over a dinner on a day 2 and a coffee before the departure but otherwise you’d all (as in your family) be chilling after a hard year/ studying/ working snd not looking to socialise.

See if you can change hotels,

He would rather ride roughshod over your feelings (and your DD's) than admit to his friend that he has fucked up. You are not overreacting. He is showing you that you are not his priority.

Your husband is being a jerk. He may think he's 'helping' by trying to make it seem less of a problem, but he needs to accept that you hate this situation and that it's his friend who's caused it by rudely inviting themselves along on your holiday without even asking first.

I'd be furious, but since you can't change the plans, I'd just make it crystal clear to your husband that you don't want to socialise with these people. He can then pass the message along to his friend. You want to be left alone. I wouldn't give a crap if they think it's rude. Clearly they have no concept of normal behaviour, anyway, to have done this. Your husband can go off and be social, but I'd do everything humanly possible to avoid them and not give a shit if it's 'rude'.

I'd be super pissed off if my DH did this, but thankfully he's as anti social as me on holiday, so he wouldn't dream of it!

If you book the hotel and flights separately, is there a chance to switch to another hotel? Or try and get an upgraded room where you have more space to lie on a sun lounger and read on your own balcony?

I am also self conscious about how I look and being in a position where I'm wearing a swimming costume in front of DH's friend is NOT how I'd want to spend my holiday!

YANBU OP!

I’d be furious, too. The only thing is about contacting the girl-friend, I’m wondering if she might not be in on it too, to the extent that her partner told her words to the effect of: “It’ll be great, there’ll be someone for the older teen to socialize with, and we can have loads of time to ourselves because @AbbeyDown will be only too pleased to baby-sit the 5 year old whilst we go out on the town."

I really feel for you op. It’s not about you being an introvert or not allowing anyone else to stay at the hotel. It’s the families are at two vastly different stages. The 5 yr old is the issue. Not the child sure they are lovely. If it was adults plus two 16 yr olds, you’d at least be wanting similar grown up things. With a 5 year old the child dictates the day. Wether it’s being moody, wanting attention, needing entertainment etc. You’ve done your time of never relaxing as the kids by water, watching them jump in and show you their splash, sun cream , heat and bring overtired . That’s not a Holiday you want and by bringing the 5 yr old that’s what it’ll be. You know your husbands will sneak off. The other woman will be stressed with a young child abroad and you’ll end up getting roped in. Only answer I see is either change hotel or they do.

Nah he's slipping up now. It's pretty clear your DH and his mate cooked this idea up between them both by saying you'll then have someone to talk to, letting slip he sent the hotel details and dates over and now by throwing his toys out the pram in the hope you'll back down.

Just change the hotel. If you've booked flights and hotel separately you can go and amend that. I'd be saying "we don't need to lose £600 and cancel the flights Dave, I'm just going to change the hotel booking now" and see what he says. My bet is he'll get angry as it means he'll be losing face with his mate.

You need to stop mentioning your body. I know it seems relevant but really it isn't, not wanting to share your family holiday with other people is a plenty good enough reason. You're allowing him to make this about your body image and insecurity rather than the crock of shit plan it is.

Then do exactly that.

Wear sunglasses and headphones (even if the headphones are not connected to any audio).

Spend your days reading and relaxing.

Completely ignore anyone who tries to talk to you (headphones and dark sunglasses...) or make a huge song and dance about taking off the headphones and turning to listen to the other person, while holding the headphones close to your head as if you were going to put them on again in about 1.5 seconds.

You don't have a holiday problem you have a DH problem. It sounds like he's invited said mate on holiday and now he's shitting himself because you're not happy about it. Stop giving him excuses about your appearance - it's got fuck all to do with sharing a holiday. And tell him he needs to sort it out - you either change hotels or change dates and the cost is on him.

A book is good for ignoring people too.

Although I'd be seeing the travel agent about booking a different hotel with dd.

@AbbeyDown Is there an adult only pool at the hotel? Some places will accept 16yo as adults in their pool area. My 14yo (at the time) was allowed one year when it was just me and her.

Id have to set expectations and message them with something like. Hope you have a lovely holiday and obviously we will wave a cheery hello if we see you on site but we’re planning for this holiday to be a “get away from it all” type holiday and so it’s dedicated time for our family without disruption so we’re not looking to socialise wider during the time away and chatting to people from home in my swim suit isn’t quite what I envisaged when we booked our get away. Hope you understand. Happy to catch up properly when we get back.

They might not speak to you again but I think I could live with that. I’d be fuming.

It's easy to say just ignore the interlopers but it's not relaxing when you expect them to keep popping up beside your lounger when you're sitting there in your bikini. The constantly having to dodge running into them would give me a pain in my face.

"He has stated that his friend asked him were and when we were going and asked my husband to send him the hotel details and he did."

Op, I'd missed that they'd asked where and when you were going. It's so obvious that they were planning to come at the same time, he's absolutely lying if he's pretending he had no fucking idea.

I'm even sadder/angrierr for you knowing this might be last holiday with DD.

Arsehole.

I would tell your dh, you are swapping hotels. Otherwise you will be constantly on edge, thinking they will want to join you by the pool & your meals.
Even better if the hotel you switch to, doesn't really cater for small children.
Im sure his friend & his family will still enjoy their holiday with you.
Your dh then can always meet up with his friend for a drink.
If he feels awkward telling his friend, hard luck to him. He should have checked with you first.

I agree with the pp who are saying just ignore them. there's no need for you to be social with them at all, especially if you don't socialise regularly with them at home, being on holiday in the same place wouldn't change that.
Make it clear to DH you expect him to be on the same page, managing expectations now is absolutely the way to go. The mantra is from DH and you: private family holiday, will not be socialising, how lovely they have booked a holiday, it's a great area and you hope they have a great time, not to expect to spend time with you as it's your special family time and you'll all be doing your own thing. No to DH & friend socialising either, as that would make it awkward. He's got to be on the same page with the messaging.

Let me guess... they share a hobby ? Cycling, golf ? Something your husband regularly does when you stay there.

I’d more guess it’s all inclusive and they want to test out exactly how many free watered down drinks they can manage in front of Sky Sports until they pass out…

Can you change the accomodation without losing money? I'd be tempted to cancel the accomodation and book somewhere else for just you and your daughter, and tell your 'D'H he can stay with his pal. I honestly can't believe this wasn't planned between them.

It is disappointing but you are not going to have to change much. Certainly dont go to a different pool to suit 5 year old. I expect you will see them around and if it suits meet them for a drink or a meal once or twice.

I thought this, especially after the "you'll have someone to talk to" as it kinds of hints he won't be around to talk to.

OP has only met the GF once and it would be seriously weird to send this message to the DHs friend.
Honestly changing hotels seems like the only viable option.

This. It's a holiday for him and his mate.

No more weird than him booking the same holiday.