My one and only holiday ruined?

[AbbeyDown]

AIBU to feel really upset that my holiday plans have changed without my input?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really unsettled about something, and my husband doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from.

We booked a 10-day holiday abroad as a break after my 16-year-old daughter finishes her GCSEs. It was meant to be just the three of us — a time to relax, unwind, and celebrate her finishing such a stressful chapter.

Now I’ve found out that my husband’s long-time friend (who I’ve known for years, but we’re not especially close) has also booked onto the same holiday, staying at our hotel. He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old.

I had no say in this. My husband told them about our plans, and they just… decided to come. Apparently it was going to be kept a secret and just surprise us when we got to the airport. I wasn’t asked if I was okay with it, and now I’m expected to share my holiday with a group of people I don’t know well, including a young child, which changes the whole dynamic of the trip.

I also want to be honest: I struggle with confidence, especially around my body and skin. I deal with hormonal acne, and holidays are the one time I let go, go makeup-free, and truly relax — knowing no one knows me and I don’t have to “perform” socially. Now, with someone 12 years younger than me who I barely know coming along, I feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy — it’s about not feeling safe to just be myself anymore.

My husband says I’m overreacting and that there’s “nothing wrong with my body,” but he’s totally missing the emotional side of this for me. I feel like my space has been taken away from me, and I’ve lost the freedom I was looking forward to.

AIBU to feel upset about this? And has anyone else dealt with something similar?

I'd be fuming. Not that my dh would entertain this.

As an aside have you seen a specialist about your acne?

Maybe she's thinking the two teenagers can do the childcare and her and OP can have free time.

Or...

Maybe she's just going along with her DP and is also fuming and doesn't want to holiday with strangers.

No, no and thrice no. I absolutely hate being coerced into social situations that I'm not expecting and I would be fuming.

Because it's all very well saying "you don't have to see them" but obviously that's easier said than done. They're clearly coming with the intention of socialising with your family, so it's really hard to totally avoid them without causing awkwardness with your own DH.
You have my sympathies.

Is it worth looking into the actual cost of a date change or hotel change? If you can swallow some amount of cost it's going to worth it to avoid them. And don't let your husband bloody tell them! Just say last minute it had to change.

Its so, so weird to book a holiday the same time and place. Even if you ignore them or don't hang out there's the tension of doing that!

Could you cancel the holiday and book something just for the 2 of you?
Would the saving on the 3rd person offset the cancelation losses?

@Kallabra asked what I wanted to know? Can you change hotel?

I can’t think of any other way you and your daughter will enjoy this holiday. And I don’t understand how your DH will enjoy it knowing that it’s his idiot friend who has ruined it for you. Why would anyone think it’s ok to gate crash someone’s holiday?

Move hotel, keep the flight.

I guess it depends if they are the type to want to sit near you all the time at the pool and be in your pockets - even when we go away with family we do our own thing in the day time and meet up for dinner.

I agree it totally changes the dynamic though from quiet family time to a totally different kind of holiday and could be a total pain in the arse. 5 year olds are bound to get whingy and hot from time to time and are generally pretty loud and boisterious. Like you I'm so over that kind of holiday now DDs are grown up.

He has stated that his friend asked him were and when we were going and asked my husband to send him the hotel details and he did.
So, basically husband knew there was a good chance they were going to come. Who asks for all those details if they're not?
Stupid DH.

He can go with his friend.

You and DD to cancel your places and rebook somewhere else.

It won't change your situation now, but I am going on holiday in July with my 25yo DD, just us two. DH (not her dad) is not joining us. I hope you get to do a trip like that in the future.

Honestly wise up! I had this happen 30 years ago. I was newly pregnant with DC1, just a few weeks. It had taken us a long time to conceive. Couldn't believe it when DH's best mate and his girlfriend rocked up at the airport, booked on the same flight. Thankfully it was different accommodation but we ended up spending the evenings with them which I didn't want to do (I wouldn't bloody do it now either, now that I am older and wiser!). They were all drinking and having a laugh and I was left sitting there watching them.

They have both always denied that they planned it but I still don't believe them.

Can you change hotel or dates @AbbeyDown? This will spoil your holiday. It did mine. I still carry resentment over it tbh.

I would imagine she’s been seeing specialists since her teens.

Your husband sounds like a bit of a dick. He should really be telling his friend that you wanted a quiet family holiday, and his friend should cancel or swap dates.

But as he clearly won’t, and you can’t afford to cancel and lose the money, I would let him spend time with his friends on holiday, whilst you and DD enjoy time together.

It’s all so awkward though, I think I’d be tempted to find out about paying to change dates by a week

You'd be surprised. I know people who've just bought otc stuff. I took roaccutane years ago. It worked but was awful those days. Much better now.

I see this part as the silver lining - she’ll have someone close in age rather than hanging out with just her parents for 10 days. Feel for OP though.

👍🌺

100% with you on the skin issues as a fellow acne sufferer, sometimes people with clear skin just don’t get it. (Can highly recommend roaccutane as a PP has mentioned, it’s a game changer)

I am laughing at the idea that this bizarre conversation would be regarded as any less awkward than either messaging the mate in advance or changing the holiday, and yes it does seem horribly rude.

OP get the actual booking details for both the flights and the hotel. There are other options- changing dates for the flights for example, that are less expensive than simply cancelling. It does seem as if looking for another hotel would be the least worst option, so I would look at that in the first instance. Once your H accepts that you simply won’t go on holiday on the same date and venue as this other family, then perhaps he will be more amenable to a change.

You don't need to spend any time with them at all.

It would ruin my holiday. I go away to get away from social expectations and interactions and the enforcing of boundaries. It’s a holiday from all of it, or it should be.

I think this is the only thing you can do as it is already a done deal.

I wonder how the friend's GF feels about this.