Page 12 | My one and only holiday ruined?

AbbeyDown · 2025-04-07T08:23:13+00:00

AIBU to feel really upset that my holiday plans have changed without my input? I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really unsettled about something, and my husband doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from. We booked a 10-day holiday abroad as a break after my 16-year-old daughter finishes her GCSEs. It was meant to be just the three of us — a time to relax, unwind, and celebrate her finishing such a stressful chapter. Now I’ve found out that my husband’s long-time friend (who I’ve known for years, but we’re not especially close) has also booked onto the same holiday, staying at our hotel. He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old. I had no say in this. My husband told them about our plans, and they just… decided to come. Apparently it was going to be kept a secret and just surprise us when we got to the airport. I wasn’t asked if I was okay with it, and now I’m expected to share my holiday with a group of people I don’t know well, including a young child, which changes the whole dynamic of the trip. I also want to be honest: I struggle with confidence, especially around my body and skin. I deal with hormonal acne, and holidays are the one time I let go, go makeup-free, and truly relax — knowing no one knows me and I don’t have to “perform” socially. Now, with someone 12 years younger than me who I barely know coming along, I feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy — it’s about not feeling safe to just be myself anymore. My husband says I’m overreacting and that there’s “nothing wrong with my body,” but he’s totally missing the emotional side of this for me. I feel like my space has been taken away from me, and I’ve lost the freedom I was looking forward to. AIBU to feel upset about this? And has anyone else dealt with something similar?

thestudio · 07/04/2025 12:44

FleurDeFleur · 07/04/2025 11:45

I genuinely don't think that would make a difference. What you suggest sounds very sensible and conciliatory, but when there's a 5 year old running round the pool, and the woman pulls up a lounger next to the OP, it's going to be hard to enforce.

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I think you'd have to be an absolute tosser to ignore this and just sit down.

If they did, they'd have proved themselves absolute tossers so OP could feel fine about saying "ah Samantha, I think I messaged you about this."

I think if OP does it before they go, there's a chance that they will cancel anyway.

Also - I bet her DH knew about it.

Simplynotsimple · 07/04/2025 12:46

NeedthatFridayfeeling · 07/04/2025 12:43

Say to your husband:
I will not be chatting away to them on the flight
I will not be having ANY meals with them
I will not be sitting with them at the bar/pool etc unless i/my daughter fancy it
I will not be doing any group activities
I will certainly not be doing any supervising of the 5yr old
I will be polite if i see them in passing
This is my FAMILY holiday and i intend to keep it that way.

Hope it all works out OP, you shouldn't have to change any part of a holiday your looking forward because of this.

I’d also add in ‘and I can’t dictate what you do on holiday, but I will not think well of you if you think this is a piss up lads holiday with your mate. So you decided if your family is the priority here.’.

FleurDeFleur · 07/04/2025 12:46

thestudio · 07/04/2025 12:44

I think you'd have to be an absolute tosser to ignore this and just sit down.

If they did, they'd have proved themselves absolute tossers so OP could feel fine about saying "ah Samantha, I think I messaged you about this."

I think if OP does it before they go, there's a chance that they will cancel anyway.

Also - I bet her DH knew about it.

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Yeah, I agree, I just think they're not sensitive enough to let her have her nice holiday with her daughter. They probably think they're being friendly. You're too right the husband knew. I bet he thought he'd have a nice lads holiday with his mate and the women would supervise the kids.

Simplynotsimple · 07/04/2025 12:50

LameBorzoi · 07/04/2025 12:25

I don't get the angst, really. You aren't sharing accommodation. You don't need to talk to them if you don't want to.

They’re sharing the same hotel, it is sharing the accommodations provided. They (the men) have done this on purpose to share the holiday for their wants. The ‘angst’ is the OP’s rightful anger that she didn’t want to share their holiday with his mate and family.

PluckyBamboo · 07/04/2025 12:51

I've previously been in a similar position but it was a very unfortunate coincidence they had booked the same hotel.

At the very least upgrade your room to swim up and you can avoid the pool.

I ended up being 'boring' and thankfully they decided to start avoiding me 😂.

Ultravox · 07/04/2025 12:51

I would be livid and upset about this too OP. Flights are usually expensive to change but if you can change the hotel (and even the resort!) then I would absolutely be doing this.

Original poster

AbbeyDown · 07/04/2025 12:52

My husband is now saying he thinks I’m over exaggerating, there is nothing wrong with my body or my skin. I’ve told him it’s now how you think it’s how I feel and why can I not express how I feel.
He said oh well cancel it then and we will lose £600 on the flights. We cannot afford to lose that sort of money.
He has stated that his friend asked him were and when we were going and asked my husband to send him the hotel details and he did.
We went away years ago with my husbands extended family, only camping but it was absolutely awful and I said never again will I do that. My husband is saying it won’t be like that. I’m just stressed out and sad about something we should be looking forward to.

OP posts:

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 07/04/2025 12:54

AbbeyDown · 07/04/2025 12:52

My husband is now saying he thinks I’m over exaggerating, there is nothing wrong with my body or my skin. I’ve told him it’s now how you think it’s how I feel and why can I not express how I feel.
He said oh well cancel it then and we will lose £600 on the flights. We cannot afford to lose that sort of money.
He has stated that his friend asked him were and when we were going and asked my husband to send him the hotel details and he did.
We went away years ago with my husbands extended family, only camping but it was absolutely awful and I said never again will I do that. My husband is saying it won’t be like that. I’m just stressed out and sad about something we should be looking forward to.

What about the hotel, can you change that?

Your husband is being an absolute dick and I bet he invited his friend.

Projectme · 07/04/2025 12:55

I just can't get over WHY someone would want to book exactly the same holiday though.

I'm just thinking through how this scenario would work with a friend where I would then say oh we'll book the same dates then! never in a million!! It's just rude! very rude and either your DH felt he was in an awkward position and felt he couldn't say 'no don't!' or he encouraged his friend to book the same holiday so he had a mate to drink with (or whatever). It's just weird to book the same holiday as a not so close friend?!

I'd be telling DH that I will not be interacting at the pool/drinks/bar/restaurant and he needs to tell his friend that. I wouldn't care if that makes me rude and unsociable. For a one-off 10 days I'm allowed to be!!

MounjaroOnMyMind · 07/04/2025 12:56

I'd be so angry - tbh I'd cancel my booking and my daughter's and go elsewhere with her. Your holiday has completely changed because of your idiot partner and his friend.

Simplynotsimple · 07/04/2025 12:56

AbbeyDown · 07/04/2025 12:52

My husband is now saying he thinks I’m over exaggerating, there is nothing wrong with my body or my skin. I’ve told him it’s now how you think it’s how I feel and why can I not express how I feel.
He said oh well cancel it then and we will lose £600 on the flights. We cannot afford to lose that sort of money.
He has stated that his friend asked him were and when we were going and asked my husband to send him the hotel details and he did.
We went away years ago with my husbands extended family, only camping but it was absolutely awful and I said never again will I do that. My husband is saying it won’t be like that. I’m just stressed out and sad about something we should be looking forward to.

He’s an arse, he’s now trying to emotionally blackmail you by saying ‘we’ll cancel it all then’. He’s also digging himself a hole as his lies unravel, who sends exact details of a holiday to someone unless they’re trying to coordinate dates? He might as well admit this is their big idea. Definitely change the hotel, you’ll not lose out. Tell him he can go to the hotel with his mate if he prefers but your family holiday will not include them.

FleurDeFleur · 07/04/2025 12:56

AbbeyDown · 07/04/2025 12:52

My husband is now saying he thinks I’m over exaggerating, there is nothing wrong with my body or my skin. I’ve told him it’s now how you think it’s how I feel and why can I not express how I feel.
He said oh well cancel it then and we will lose £600 on the flights. We cannot afford to lose that sort of money.
He has stated that his friend asked him were and when we were going and asked my husband to send him the hotel details and he did.
We went away years ago with my husbands extended family, only camping but it was absolutely awful and I said never again will I do that. My husband is saying it won’t be like that. I’m just stressed out and sad about something we should be looking forward to.

Tell him now that you want to switch hotels. Your appearance isn't the main factor. You want a relaxing holiday with your daughter, without these other people.
Oh, and it's not up to him to decide how you feel about your body and your appearance. He should respect your feelings.

FleurDeFleur · 07/04/2025 12:57

Say: did you want this to be a holiday with your mate while we look after the kids?

May09Bump · 07/04/2025 12:57

It's up to your Husband now to set expectations to the other family - that you just want family time on your own or he has to move hotel.

I would be furious too. I'm also past having younger children in our social plans - not anti-kids, just a different phase in our life.

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 07/04/2025 12:57

do have travel insurance? Can you alter the dates ?

CantStopMoving · 07/04/2025 12:59

Honestly I feel for you Op. my holiday time is to have time with my family. It is about reconnecting and enjoying each other’s company, free from work and life distractions. I can’t think of anything worse than having to socialise, particularly with people you don’t know well. My DH wouldn’t even want his best friend on a holiday with us! If he want’s time with his mate he can arrange to do that on his own!

SodOffbacktoaibu · 07/04/2025 12:59

I think he should have a holiday with his mate then and leave you out of it.

Not sure how you can make this better but I reckon a holiday just you and your daughter would be preferable.

Jasmine222 · 07/04/2025 13:00

But it's nothing to do with your body or skin anyway, it's just the fact that you dont want to go on holiday with another couple! That's a good enough reason in itself, you dont even have to explain yourself!

UrinalCake · 07/04/2025 13:02

Don't let him make this about your body and skin.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 07/04/2025 13:02

Jasmine222 · 07/04/2025 13:00

But it's nothing to do with your body or skin anyway, it's just the fact that you dont want to go on holiday with another couple! That's a good enough reason in itself, you dont even have to explain yourself!

Yes, I agree with this.

In a way the OP has shot herself in the foot by mentioning her appearance.

"I just don't want to spend time with them on holiday" is harder to argue with.

GoldGuide · 07/04/2025 13:03

Simplynotsimple · 07/04/2025 12:56

He’s an arse, he’s now trying to emotionally blackmail you by saying ‘we’ll cancel it all then’. He’s also digging himself a hole as his lies unravel, who sends exact details of a holiday to someone unless they’re trying to coordinate dates? He might as well admit this is their big idea. Definitely change the hotel, you’ll not lose out. Tell him he can go to the hotel with his mate if he prefers but your family holiday will not include them.

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This.

No money lost. He can stick to his original made plans (and he clearly planned this too!) with the booked hotel and you can enjoy your time with your DD in a different hotel.

I'd be absolutely livid too. You'll spend all of your time avoiding them or catering to them if you are in the same hotel so just remove yourself from that situation entirely. He can explain the awkwardness to his mate.

Daleksatemyshed · 07/04/2025 13:08

I was prepared to believe your DH didn't know, clearly he did, tell the hotel and your dates, that's as good as saying why don't you join us. Stop him focussing on your looks and make him hear the truth, neither you or your DD want to go with his mates. What an arse he is, I'd give him merry hell Op

thestudio · 07/04/2025 13:09

I agree that overall possibly the least painful option is to change hotel.

You won't be at 'your place' this year - but it might be nice to try something new and you won't feel either physically self-conscious or anxious about bumping into them and potentially having to enforce boundaries.

Your DH is a tosser too though, he absolutely knew. And even if he didn't, he should have made sure that it couldn't possibly happen by

a. knowing you well enough to understand that you are self-conscious in a bikini / really value not being 'on display'

b. saying something discreet along those lines to his mate to warn them off.

Sodthesystem · 07/04/2025 13:09

Ok did you confront him about it obviously being a ploy for a lads holiday and tell him that wasn't going to be happening.

And that HE can make it clear that you might all grab dinner together one of the nights but that you both want it to be a family focussed holiday.

Like don't miss and hit the wall op. He fucked up so he fixes it or you two won't be sharing a room for the trip.

RosaCollins · 07/04/2025 13:10

It's all been said so I won't add much. YANBU.

A holiday with a teen versus a holiday with small kids - totally different scenario. I'd guess the men have planned that the women can hang around with the children while they have a nice time doing as they please.

I'd salvage what I could. Plan stuff with your daughter and make it clear that is what will be happening. Nip it in the bud the minute there's any proposal of hanging around with them. If he wants to, which he must, since he gave all the details to the friend, off with him.