To expect a driving instructor to ring the doorbell?

[NotTonightDeidre]

Just that really. DS missed a driving lesson this morning because he wasn't awake. The driving instructor text him to say he was outside. He didn't call his phone or ring our doorbell.

I get that it's DS' responsibility to be at the lesson, but if it were me I'd just ring/knock when it's a pick up from home.

Is it really that unreasonable to get out of the car & walk 10 steps to the front door?

He/She is probably on a tight schedule though.Your DS is late /not ready.Next pupil misses out.Lesson for life here ,Be ready and waiting! Driving lessons and tests are at a premium here ( South Coast) probably similar elsewhere.

I'd say it's a cheap and valuable life lesson - if his parents play this correctly he'll understand that he needs to take responsibility for his actions and not try to blame others.

This will make him go far in life and the cost of this life lesson will seem trivial.

Mine has never come to the door, he calls to say he’s here

so when DL rang the bell, what then? What happens next in your scenario?

I get that it's DS' responsibility to be at the lesson,

There you go then it’s DS fault for not being awake not the driving instructors fault. DS knew he had a lesson so if he’s old enough to take said lesson he should be old enough to wake himself up in time for it. A text is fine because the student should be up, ready and looking out for the instructor.
Hopefully it’s a lesson learnt for him, lateness or no shows in life come with consequences

You’re angry at the wrong person. If he’d rung the doorbell, he wouldn’t have waited anyway.
Tell your DS to get a grip and pay you back for the lesson.

If possible it might be worth looking out for lessons that are later in the day even if you have to wait for them to become available.

Sometimes we need help. Alarms often don't wake kids/teens. Including smoke alarms too.

This is part of learning how to be an independent adult.
He’s not always going to have you or DH to do it for him.

He cannot be expected to have a phone call from his work, interviews, doctors, dentists etc every time he’s slept in.

This is no fault of the driving instructors, just like it wouldn’t be the fault of his workplace if he had overslept.

If he did not hear his alarm then he needs to have 2 alarms (I do this).

By helping him you don’t make excuses for him or put the blame on anyone else - that does not help in anyway.
Instead find ways to stop it happening again in the future.

I have a memory of a beep on the horn only thirty years ago.

Your post makes no sense. You acknowledge that it’s your DS’s responsibility and then blame someone else when he fails in that responsibility.

Totally your DS fault. I’m laughing to myself at how you’re defending your DS. If he’s old enough and responsible enough to drive a car, then he should be able to manage to wake up when his alarm sounds. I’m guessing he’s too used to you or your DH calling him every morning until he does decide to get out of bed.

I think if you are old enough to learn to drive and capable of being in charge of a moving vehicle, you are probably going to manage to set an alarm.

YABU. Your DS should be by the door, shoes on , ready to walk out as soon as the DI arrives. He needs to set however many alarms it takes to get him up.

DD gets up every single day at 6.15 to get a bus to college. She missed it once when it left 2 minutes early. I told her it was still her fault as she should be there 5 minutes early.

Your DS needs to learn responsibility for his own actions. It is annoying if your DH said he would wake him but didn't, but from now on, I would make DS completely responsible for himself. If he misses another lesson then stop them until he can learn how to get out of bed on time.

The least the DI could've done was rung the doorbell, then while your son got ready he could've nipped to costa's for some coffee and croissants.

First instructor I had was afraid of cats, so she never met me at the door until she popped out to talk to my mum once. (We had a few at the time)
Second and third ones I just looked out for them. I once missed a lesson due to completely forgetting about it - we're all human - and I decided not to do it, but I think I had already paid.

I'm guessing he patiently waits on the doorstep for the son to get himself up, dressed and vaguely alert.

I’m guessing the OP wants the DI to parent the teen as they seemed to have failed to do so

Someone failed to parent the driving instructor if he doesn't know how to ring a bell. It's shocking manners to sit there and text like Lord Muck. He could at least call if he can't be bothered to heave his arse out of the car.

Your ds should have been up and ready for the lesson.

They text, ring or beep from the car. Driving instructors can sometimes be late. They book in lots of lessons so an accident, road closure, having to stop to check tyre pressures if a driver hit a kerb etc can make them late. Mine would always make sure I had the full two hours if he was late. The only time I did not was when I was late once and that is absolutely fair.

But your son was not ready to get in the car if he was still in bed. Maybe losing the lesson and money will make him realise you need to be a responsible grown up to drive a car.

For god's sake, all these people piling on about leaning lessons etc. Yes of course it's the sons responsibility. And obviously everyone will flame me for pointing out it's not actually that unreasonable to knock on the door if you know someone is expecting you but hasn't seen your message. NOT saying the son isn't responsible, but also.. why NOT just knock on?

If I was picking up a friend and they didn't reply to my text I'd get out and knock on.

If a patient doesn't turn up to one of my appointments, I call them to check if they're coming before writing off the appointment.

If I do a home visit, knock and nobody is in, I'd call them to double check before leaving.

It's common sense, no? Double check so that if for whatever reason he's a bit late, he might still be able to have the majority of the lesson rather than waste both of their time?

And yes yes valuable lesson for the son, should be ready. But he could have knocked, and if son had overslept he could have apologised and thrown on some clothes, and hence not a total wasted hour for either of them?

Common sense!!

Mine waited outside 40 years ago.

I only saw him get out of the car once and that was to get petrol. I was stunned at how amazing his body was and could barely finish the lesson.

OP, your son is in the wrong. It's basic manners to be up, clean and ready to go. That's what alarms are for.

@Tropicalturnip the instructor is not picking up a friend. He is at work, and fitting in pupils.
It's not a social call it's a business transaction.

On reflection, could this be a reverse?
It just seems so incredibly unreasonable.

@NotTonightDeidre
Are you the DI and is someone complaining about you not ringing the doorbell?

@Karasis do you expect your boss to phone you to make sure you are awake for work