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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a driving instructor to ring the doorbell?

314 replies

NotTonightDeidre · 07/04/2025 09:15

Just that really. DS missed a driving lesson this morning because he wasn't awake. The driving instructor text him to say he was outside. He didn't call his phone or ring our doorbell.

I get that it's DS' responsibility to be at the lesson, but if it were me I'd just ring/knock when it's a pick up from home.

Is it really that unreasonable to get out of the car & walk 10 steps to the front door?

OP posts:
independentfriend · 08/04/2025 18:18

Not at all unreasonable to expect the driving instructor to ring the doorbell. Think the practice of sitting in a car expecting to have been seen by the person you're collecting is rude.

Ener · 08/04/2025 18:28

What a plonker. He won’t sleep through another one

ANDisayWhatsGoingon · 08/04/2025 18:34

independentfriend · 08/04/2025 18:18

Not at all unreasonable to expect the driving instructor to ring the doorbell. Think the practice of sitting in a car expecting to have been seen by the person you're collecting is rude.

It's his driving instructor, not his date!

Ylylyll · 08/04/2025 18:43

independentfriend · 08/04/2025 18:18

Not at all unreasonable to expect the driving instructor to ring the doorbell. Think the practice of sitting in a car expecting to have been seen by the person you're collecting is rude.

He texted him which is more than reasonable. He’s his driving instructor not his mate

fetchacloth · 08/04/2025 19:31

YABVU - It's your DS's responsibility to be awake and ready for his driving lesson. Not even your responsibility really as he's old enough to take care of this for himself.

Orangesinthebag · 08/04/2025 19:33

independentfriend · 08/04/2025 18:18

Not at all unreasonable to expect the driving instructor to ring the doorbell. Think the practice of sitting in a car expecting to have been seen by the person you're collecting is rude.

It's NOT rude, it's absolutely standard practice with driving instructors.

It even was 30+ years ago when I learned and we didn't even have the luxury of a text reminder then!

Lemonade2011 · 08/04/2025 19:38

I learned to drive and my 2 sons, never had the instructor come to the door, ever. Nor have we missed a lesson. I think op, your son needs to take some accountability for his actions. If he’s old enough to learn to drive then he’s old enough to set an alarm and get his backside out of bed for his lesson. (Saying as a mum of 4 boys who quite like their beds too) I think this is all on your son.

You get to a point where you have to let them get on and stop making excuses or blaming other people when they’ve clearly been in the wrong. It’s rubbish he’s lost ££ but perhaps that’ll teach him to be on time and more responsible in future!

Mummamap · 08/04/2025 19:49

My daughters driving instructor doesn’t ring the bell and expects her pupils to be waiting for her.

Trishyb10 · 08/04/2025 20:29

I was always in the window watching or outside waiting, its called respect x

Olderbutt · 08/04/2025 20:55

I was an instructor for 32 years. Before mobile phones, most students were waiting by their doors. If not, I got out and knocked, which wasted time if I wasn't parked directly outside their door.
As time went on, I texted, if no reply I called their mobile/ Landline. If no reply I would knock the door to make doubly sure that they weren't at home and leave a prepared note.
Tbh if I then roused the reluctant teen out of bed, it was too late, as they needed to get ready, eat, drink etc!
Instructors are on increasingly tight schedules with modern traffic, so your son should be ready and waiting.

Additionally, they should be awake and fed and raring to go, preferably smelling nice! . Not bleary eyed and smelling of BO. The flip side is that the Instructor should be presentable and not smelly, the car tidy and maintained. The Instructor should also text the student if they are running late themselves and of course make up the time.

CandyCane457 · 08/04/2025 20:59

Is it really that unreasonable to get out of the car & walk 10 steps to the front door?

Is it really that unreasonable to
expect your son to be up, showed, fed and dressed in time for his lesson?

Youre angry at the wrong person.

Also if an alarm, presumably right next to his sleeping head, doesn’t wake your son, I highly doubt the doorbell ringing would. The driving instructor is not the one who should have the finger pointed at him here.

HowAmITheCatsGranny · 08/04/2025 21:12

DS’s instructor made it clear at the first lesson that he won’t chase if DS is late (including texting and phoning). I think he has so many minutes to be outside past the start time or he forfeits the lesson. He did forget on one occasion. We still got charged and it was absolutely on DS, who was the only person I was cross with.

Thefrenchconnection1 · 08/04/2025 21:38

So the DI changes process and knocks.
Mummy answers. How is my little Prince doing. Questions blah blah, oh when is Prince's next lesson etc. 5 mins lost.
They are usually at least 17. Most should be able to organise themselves and if they can't then a reasonable adjustment can be discussed.

Orangeandpinknails · 08/04/2025 21:42

Agree with most posters, I had 2 different instructors and neither of them rang the door bell. They both text to say they were outside and I'd keep a look out of the window. I suppose they don't want to be turning the car on and off and messing around, they expect you to be there for them when they arrive at the time thay was booked..

Orangeandpinknails · 08/04/2025 21:45

Agree with this... he's not ready to take important responsibility like driving a car

CheeseWisely · 08/04/2025 21:53

My driving instructor didn’t even come to the house! None of them did where I live, they had a sort of hub in town where they did all pick ups and drop offs, meant they could fit more lessons into a day as there was no travel time in between. Mine would make an exception when my neighbour and I booked our lessons back to back so he’d drop one and pick up the other. Haven’t read the full thread but your DS needs a decent alarm clock and some accountability!

Runnersandtoms · 08/04/2025 21:55

We had this once with my daughter's instructor. She was ready but not standing staring out of the door and he just buggered off when she didn't come out (and still charged us!). I personally find it very odd that anybody meeting someone at their house for any reason wouldn't get out and ring the door bell to alert the person of their presence. Are you supposed to stand with your front door open just waiting?? What if you can't see the street from your house windows?

Mind you the music teacher thing mentioned above annoys me too. If a kid doesn't turn up I don't think it's ok to just sit there getting paid for nothing when they could go (or even phone) and ask the school office to summon the kid. I do private tutoring and if someone didn't turn up at the planned time I would try and contact them. I would never just go, 'oh yay, money for nothing'.

sanityisamyth · 08/04/2025 21:57

Why should he?! Your son should be ready and waiting for him.

Runnersandtoms · 08/04/2025 22:03

LardoBurrows · 07/04/2025 12:38

Not driving instructors. It must be something they learn on the first day at driving instructor school. Lesson one, never, ever get out of the car.

Show quote history

Even though, after the first couple of lessons they literally have to get out and get in the passenger side so the learner can drive???!!!!!

Sugarplumlollipop · 08/04/2025 22:04

Mine never got out of the car, I just looked out the window near the time he was due.
I guess if I was the instructor I would try the door before driving off since I'm already there but it's not the done thing. If he was asleep, would he have even heard the door anyway and then be able to get up and ready in a few moments?

Runnersandtoms · 08/04/2025 22:06

viques · 08/04/2025 09:54

Just a thought, most driving instructors use the first part of a student’s lesson to drive the previous student home. Why should the first student - who presumably made the effort, got themselves up, dressed and ready for their lesson - have to wait around for an idle teen to get up and slouch out of the house unwashed and still with sleep in their eyes.

Hope the instructor got the first student home in a timely fashion to get on with their day, and then enjoyed a short (paid!) break from the excruciating tedium of explaining to 17 year olds that pedestrians are people too.

I've literally never known an instructor turn up with the previous student in the car. They allow time between lessons to get to the next student.

BogRollBOGOF · 08/04/2025 22:21

My instructor had to park up around the corner and come to the door. If he'd pulled up on the double yellows, he'd have obstructed the traffic and snake was a cool feature on phones at that time so phoning wasn't standard practice.

If a doorbell's being used as an alarm clock, you're running too late anyway.

Floatlikeafeather2 · 08/04/2025 22:41

viques · 08/04/2025 09:54

Just a thought, most driving instructors use the first part of a student’s lesson to drive the previous student home. Why should the first student - who presumably made the effort, got themselves up, dressed and ready for their lesson - have to wait around for an idle teen to get up and slouch out of the house unwashed and still with sleep in their eyes.

Hope the instructor got the first student home in a timely fashion to get on with their day, and then enjoyed a short (paid!) break from the excruciating tedium of explaining to 17 year olds that pedestrians are people too.

This is absolutely not the case. I'm not even sure what the insurance situation would be in that scenario.

Dutchhouse14 · 08/04/2025 23:35

Ime driving instructors always wait outside, when I learnt to drive (before mobile phones were common) you didn't even get a text, you just looked out the window . My DC does get a text and driving instructor has my mobile number so will phone or text me if no reply from. DC but he never rings door bell.
But I think it would be a courtesy to knock on the door if no one comes out, if your DC needed to get dressed they could have a shorter lesson so at least the whole lesson wasn't lost which I assume will have to be Paid in full regardless

Tbrh · 08/04/2025 23:50

They both sound pretty useless tbh! If your son was asleep then surely he'd still need time to get ready. Driving instructor probably has this attitude if he deals with many people like your son.