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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a driving instructor to ring the doorbell?

314 replies

NotTonightDeidre · 07/04/2025 09:15

Just that really. DS missed a driving lesson this morning because he wasn't awake. The driving instructor text him to say he was outside. He didn't call his phone or ring our doorbell.

I get that it's DS' responsibility to be at the lesson, but if it were me I'd just ring/knock when it's a pick up from home.

Is it really that unreasonable to get out of the car & walk 10 steps to the front door?

OP posts:
LittleGreenDragons · 07/04/2025 09:45

Back in the mists of time DI (pre mobiles) never got out of the car. You were expected to be watching out of the window.

RhododendronFlowers · 07/04/2025 09:45

justkeepswimingswiming · 07/04/2025 09:41

YABU.

It’s not the driving instructors job to wake up your son, he should be up & waiting for the driving instructor.

Exactly this. Like everyone else on here, I was ready at the door waiting for my instructor. He never left the car.
Your son needs to get himself organised.

havanesehope · 07/04/2025 09:46

My son's instructor never got out of the car. Both my sons set up alerts on their phones, never missed a lesson.

ohdearagain2 · 07/04/2025 09:47

The driving instructor would expect him to be ready for his lesson a text is fine

RhododendronFlowers · 07/04/2025 09:47

havanesehope · 07/04/2025 09:46

My son's instructor never got out of the car. Both my sons set up alerts on their phones, never missed a lesson.

Mine too. Neither were early risers of their own accord, but they changed their habits!

StampOnTheGround · 07/04/2025 09:47

My driving instructors always waited outside too

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 07/04/2025 09:47

NotTonightDeidre · 07/04/2025 09:32

I wouldn't have expected the lesson to extend beyond the finish time & delay others.

DH said he would wake teen. He forgot about the lesson. Had I realised I'd have woken him prior.

DH agrees that it's DS' own fault.

Sometimes we need help. Alarms often don't wake kids/teens. Including smoke alarms too.

Expensive life lesson.

Your son is old enough to take driving lessons so should be able to set an alarm a get up on time!

He needs to be more responsible!

TeenLifeMum · 07/04/2025 09:47

Ds needs to be dressed and looking out the window for his instructor. Totally on him. Driving instructors wait in the car.

itsgettingweird · 07/04/2025 09:48

Yabu.

if you join a service you get up and be there for that’s service - or you waste their time and get charged for it.
im sure we’ve all overslept - it’s a lesson in life we learn.

He text. The rest was on your ds

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 07/04/2025 09:48

Apart from anything else, I remember when I was 17 and learning to drive. Yes, it was daunting; but I was so excited and felt like a real grown-up to be working towards being able to drive myself around independently.

I was buzzing (in a good way!) before each lesson; I wasn't just sighing and treating it as a mundane chore like taking the bins out!

TopPocketFind · 07/04/2025 09:49

Instructors never got out of their car when I had my lessons over 25 years ago, my DC's instructor texted when he was on his way.

I never heard of them ringing the doorbell

Idontknowhatnametochoose · 07/04/2025 09:50

When I learnt to drive and years later when I had top up lessons the instructor always waited outside in the car.

It really is the person's responsibility to be ready for the lesson they've asked for. Not the instructors.

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/04/2025 09:50

Don’t be daft!
Tell your son to set an alarm.

proximalhumerous · 07/04/2025 09:51

Peawhack · 07/04/2025 09:16

My driving instructor never got out the car, just sent a text and beeped the horn.

I thought the horn was only supposed to be used to warn of a hazard? I know it's commonplace to use it in this manner, but surely a driving instructor should be doing things by the book.

viques · 07/04/2025 09:51

NotTonightDeidre · 07/04/2025 09:15

Just that really. DS missed a driving lesson this morning because he wasn't awake. The driving instructor text him to say he was outside. He didn't call his phone or ring our doorbell.

I get that it's DS' responsibility to be at the lesson, but if it were me I'd just ring/knock when it's a pick up from home.

Is it really that unreasonable to get out of the car & walk 10 steps to the front door?

Is it unreasonable for someone who has a driving lesson booked to get their arse out of bed and be ready on time?

summersingsinme · 07/04/2025 09:51

I remember waking up in a panic as my driving instructor beeped his horn outside our house to let me know he'd arrived for our lesson. I've misheard my mum when she told me the time (lessons booked as a birthday present) and so my alarm wasn't due for another hour.

I scrambled to get ready, apologised profusely to the instructor and was much more careful in future. I was a selfish idiot at 18 and even I realised it was my own fault.

BinChicken1 · 07/04/2025 09:51

Text the instructor and tell him you think he should have rung the bell. Let us know the response.

budgiegirl · 07/04/2025 09:52

Sometimes we need help. Alarms often don't wake kids/teens. Including smoke alarms too

Then the doorbell was hardly likely to wake him up either. YABU. It's a shame he missed the lesson, and I get that teens can be hard to wake up sometimes (I have one such teen myself), but the only person to blame here is your DS. I hope you are not paying for his lesson for him, otherwise he's learnt nothing. Stop blaming the driving instructor.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 07/04/2025 09:52

Even if he rang the doorbell. Your son was ASLEEP. FFS OP this isn’t a driving instructor problem.

Lulooo · 07/04/2025 09:53

With all 4 of my children who have learnt to drive, the instructor hasn’t ever knocked on the door. They keep an eye out from the window and the instructor texts or horns, but they’re usually out before that, as soon as they see the car. They wouldn’t ever be in bed at that time. They know how expensive lessons are and if they missed one because they were still in bed I would have told them they had to pay for their next 3 lessons themselves before I agreed to cover the cost of their lessons again.

AlwaysPerfumed · 07/04/2025 09:53

Did the Driving Instructor drive away when your son didn't respond to his text?

As you paid for an hour of his time, I don't see why he just couldn't have sat outside your house for an hour. It was no skin of his nose if your son decided not to take advantage of the hour for whatever reason.

You had paid for the hour and I think the instructor should have waited for the hour, driving off on the second the hour was up.

cestlaviecherie · 07/04/2025 09:53

proximalhumerous · 07/04/2025 09:51

I thought the horn was only supposed to be used to warn of a hazard? I know it's commonplace to use it in this manner, but surely a driving instructor should be doing things by the book.

Edited
Show quote history

yes it's illegal to do while stationary

cestlaviecherie · 07/04/2025 09:53

I had five different instructors in two different cities and they never rang the doorbell once.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 07/04/2025 09:54

We live rurally. I had to drive my teens to meet the driving instructor in the nearest town.
Expecting your ds to be ready and looking out for the DI to pick him up from home is surely common sense & good manners?

KimberleyClark · 07/04/2025 09:54

NotTonightDeidre · 07/04/2025 09:21

It's his 3rd lesson. His first one, the instructor was 10 minutes late. He was ready & waiting as he was for his second.

I just don't see the harm in ringing a doorbell.

The instructor could have had a good reason for being late, roadworks etc. Your son had absolutely no excuse for being in bed when the instructor arrived. Didn’t he set an alarm?