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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect a driving instructor to ring the doorbell?

314 replies

NotTonightDeidre · 07/04/2025 09:15

Just that really. DS missed a driving lesson this morning because he wasn't awake. The driving instructor text him to say he was outside. He didn't call his phone or ring our doorbell.

I get that it's DS' responsibility to be at the lesson, but if it were me I'd just ring/knock when it's a pick up from home.

Is it really that unreasonable to get out of the car & walk 10 steps to the front door?

OP posts:
Laura36TTC · 07/04/2025 10:10

My instructor would never have done this. DS should have set his alarm

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/04/2025 10:10

ScrewedByFunding · 07/04/2025 09:17

What and then the instructor just wants around whilst he gets up and ready?

You're cross at rhe wrong person and this will do your DS no favours.

This

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 07/04/2025 10:11

Karasis · 07/04/2025 10:06

Someone failed to parent the driving instructor if he doesn't know how to ring a bell. It's shocking manners to sit there and text like Lord Muck. He could at least call if he can't be bothered to heave his arse out of the car.

Show quote history

How do you even know that the instructor is able-bodied?

He quite likely was; but surely you aren't just assuming that a disabled person who is unable to walk (or can only do so with pain and difficulty) would never get into a profession like DI, which would enable them to work whilst sitting down?

CursiveCrisis · 07/04/2025 10:11

My DD driving instructor knocks on for every single lesson. She is always ready, bar one time when she couldn’t find her key which I had somehow ended up with, but the DI waited while she brought spare trainers and made her way around our muddy back garden!

But, DD is ASC and struggles with anxiety. DI came to meet us before her first lesson, and is really accommodating knowing she struggles to walk to the car alone and get in. She is also selective mute and he has been so bloody patient and understanding with her, I honestly think DI like him are worth their weight in gold. And the £60 for the 90 min lesson!

crumblingschools · 07/04/2025 10:11

If someone is having a driving lesson I would want them to be wide awake not just woken up and straight into the car

ANDisayWhatsGoingon · 07/04/2025 10:12

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · Today 09:31
'I blame the parents.
Parents today seem to blame everyone else apart from themselves.
Why is it the driving instructor's fault that your son missed a lesson?
Your son seems to not have been taught
to take responsibility for being on time for the appointments he made. And the driving instructor came to your doorstep!
When I learned to drive I had to get a bus into town and walk to the opposite side of town to go to a place where the driving instructors were based. And I got myself there on time - without help from my parents.'

Agreed, apart from the "parents today" part, as we are not all like this. I'm a parent of young dcs, and they will be taking full responsibility as they get older for getting out of bed on time. One is ND, so will require a little more help. We are working on this with visual timetables etc, and are doing our absolute best to support this going forward. It is working well so far.

I was born in the mid 80s, had an alarm clock, got up from the age of 8, got myself fully ready, had breakfast, made dm cup of tea, and walked to school. This continued into university where I would get the bus and carry bags of heavy books with me from the library. I wouldn't have dreamed of being taxied about or asking my parents to wake me up for stuff, and definately wouldn't have expected a knock at the door as form of an alarm clock. That's crazy! I also had a part-time job as well as studying from 15 years old.
I realise mine is a little more of an extreme case, and will be there more for my dcs than dm was for me. I am however very punctual and early for appointments, and will be making sure my dcs are as well.

Tropicalturnip · 07/04/2025 10:13

RhododendronFlowers · 07/04/2025 10:09

@Tropicalturnip the instructor is not picking up a friend. He is at work, and fitting in pupils.
It's not a social call it's a business transaction.

Why would it make a difference whether it was for work or not?
Presumably lessons are usually an hour, he could have still had 45 mins, or half an hour - no need to impact on any other pupils.

RhododendronFlowers · 07/04/2025 10:14

CursiveCrisis · 07/04/2025 10:11

My DD driving instructor knocks on for every single lesson. She is always ready, bar one time when she couldn’t find her key which I had somehow ended up with, but the DI waited while she brought spare trainers and made her way around our muddy back garden!

But, DD is ASC and struggles with anxiety. DI came to meet us before her first lesson, and is really accommodating knowing she struggles to walk to the car alone and get in. She is also selective mute and he has been so bloody patient and understanding with her, I honestly think DI like him are worth their weight in gold. And the £60 for the 90 min lesson!

Well, I think that's quite a different situation, unless the OP's son has specific additional needs.

Cucy · 07/04/2025 10:14

Karasis · 07/04/2025 10:06

Someone failed to parent the driving instructor if he doesn't know how to ring a bell. It's shocking manners to sit there and text like Lord Muck. He could at least call if he can't be bothered to heave his arse out of the car.

Show quote history

Oh god you sound like someone who needs constantly spoon feeding and can’t do anything without a second person.

I’m surprised you don’t need someone to walk you to the car lol.

Most people aren’t like that and definitely don’t want our kids being like that.

So we try and teach them not to rely on other people and instead become independent, secure adults.

I hope you’re not teaching your kids to be so dependent on other people like you are.

Moveoverdarlin · 07/04/2025 10:14

I would have been ready and waiting and looking out the window, because I was 17 not 7.

RhododendronFlowers · 07/04/2025 10:16

Tropicalturnip · 07/04/2025 10:13

Why would it make a difference whether it was for work or not?
Presumably lessons are usually an hour, he could have still had 45 mins, or half an hour - no need to impact on any other pupils.

Show quote history

Because it's work. Not a social call. Time is money. No chit chat, you look out for the car, it arrives, you get in, you have your lesson, get back home. For the instructor - rinse and repeat.

askmenow · 07/04/2025 10:17

NotTonightDeidre · 07/04/2025 09:21

It's his 3rd lesson. His first one, the instructor was 10 minutes late. He was ready & waiting as he was for his second.

I just don't see the harm in ringing a doorbell.

You’ve been told several times your son should have been ready, washed and waiting at the door for the instructor. He wasn’t even up !
Time is money! Time waits for no man.

Teach your lazy assed son some respect. His timekeeping is going to look good to an employer isn’t it.

LardoBurrows · 07/04/2025 10:17

I'm pretty old and so was having driving lessons back in the seventies and I don't ever remember my DI getting out of his car and obs no mobile phones so he couldn't text me. I knew I had to be ready and on the lookout for his arrival. I had to pay for my own lessons and I certainly couldn't afford to waste money on a missed lesson. Also from 13 years old I had a paper round and an alarm clock, so was well used to getting myself up for school and my part-time jobs without relying on my parents, despite never being a natural lark.

Sorry Op, but I think if you are old enough to drive then you should be able manage to get yourself up in time for a lesson. I'm sure, from now on, your son will make sure he sets his own alarm and be ready and waiting for the DI. This is just one of those life lessons we all have to learn.

RhododendronFlowers · 07/04/2025 10:18

Blimey. Some folks don't half indulge their kids. I often do tuition for 16-18 year olds, and the number of times I've sat in their dining room or wherever waiting for them to appear. Never an apology.

Purplecatshopaholic · 07/04/2025 10:19

Naw, DIs don’t get out of the car. You make sure you are on time - simples. Lesson learned I’m sure.

NoTouch · 07/04/2025 10:19

Not the driving instructors fault or responsibility your ds or his parents couldn't get him out his pit for his lesson and I would not have expected my sons driving instructor to have to wake him up and/or remind us there was a lesson.

Set alarms on your phone to remind yourselves if your ds is unreliable. Maybe consider how much he wants to learn or if he is mature/responsible enough to be learning to drive. If I was paying for his lesson's I would have expected ds to refund me the cost of the one he missed.

shellyleppard · 07/04/2025 10:20

I would have expected my son to be awake and ready if he had am appointment booked. Or you should have been trying to wake him up at least

Tropicalturnip · 07/04/2025 10:20

RhododendronFlowers · 07/04/2025 10:16

Because it's work. Not a social call. Time is money. No chit chat, you look out for the car, it arrives, you get in, you have your lesson, get back home. For the instructor - rinse and repeat.

Show quote history

The instructor no doubt will have still got paid as most have a cancellation policy. I don't see how it's an issue to knock on. It takes 30 seconds. Presumably son doesn't pay by the minute so if he was late it would only mean that - he paid the same but lesson was shorter.

viques · 07/04/2025 10:21

Karasis · 07/04/2025 10:06

Someone failed to parent the driving instructor if he doesn't know how to ring a bell. It's shocking manners to sit there and text like Lord Muck. He could at least call if he can't be bothered to heave his arse out of the car.

Show quote history

My driving instructors employed minions to precede them on motor bikes with speakers attached to the pillion seats blaring out George Michaels Wake me Up before you go go on full power. Of course these days I would expect a DI to use modern technology, maybe a drone with a stick attached to knock at the sleeping teens window. Or an electronic rooster.

Nottodaty · 07/04/2025 10:21

If your son wasn’t up and ready …he was still in bed meant he was going to be late for his lesson.

This is on your son. The fact the driving instructor was late the first time could be due to traffic - your son lateness was due to his own inability to set an alarm.

Topseyt123 · 07/04/2025 10:21

Is your DS incapable of setting an alarm and getting up in time for his driving lesson? I assume he is, and he wasn't planning on doing his driving lesson in his pyjamas and dressing gown.

No. Driving instructors should not have to get out and ring the doorbell. They stay in the car and expect the client to be ready and waiting. That's what mine did 40 years ago and also those for my three DDs much more recently.

This is completely your DS's own foolish fault. I hope he had already prepaid for the lesson and has now lost his money (or yours, if the bank of mum and dad is paying).

Not the driving instructor's responsibility at all.

JudgeMenthol · 07/04/2025 10:21

Hes 17.... why are you or your DH 'waking him up'.. presumably there's an alarm on his mobile? Or even a good old fashioned alarm clock

RhododendronFlowers · 07/04/2025 10:21

Tropicalturnip · 07/04/2025 10:20

The instructor no doubt will have still got paid as most have a cancellation policy. I don't see how it's an issue to knock on. It takes 30 seconds. Presumably son doesn't pay by the minute so if he was late it would only mean that - he paid the same but lesson was shorter.

Show quote history

Well, I'm not going to keep repeating the same point. Plus others have said the same.

Lunde · 07/04/2025 10:23

I learned to drive in 1979 and the instructor never got out of the car - it was the students job to see them drive up and come out.

YABVU to expect a driving instructor to baby your son while he "oversleeps"- and presumably you expected the instructor to wait while your son woke up and got dressed ... It also doesn't seem very safe to hold a lesson with someone unable to even wake up in time.

Miaowzabella · 07/04/2025 10:25

If your son is old enough for driving lessons, he is old enough to set an alarm.