To be fed up with in laws here all the time and hubby moving his sister in?

[Sp3849]

So a few months ago we bought our dream home. With a bit of land for our horse mad daughter to finally have her horse. It's been years in the making and to achieve it We had to relocate our whole lives We have both worked our guts out over the years.

However, since moving in our in laws have been making alot of effort to come visit etc. Now bearing in mind we now live 3 hours away. When we lived in the same town as them for 15 years we only saw or spoke to them if we visited which was a few times a year. They never called to ask about our kids. They had no interest at all. No birthday wishes no visit at Christmas nothing from them at all. Never even phoned to see how they were. Once we moved to Thier favourite place to holiday they started to visit us. At first I didn't care. My husband was happy his parents where making an effort and my kids had grandparents that saw them.

However a few weeks ago my husband comes home from work and says his sister who is 30 has handed in her notice and is moving down our way. She asked if she can put a static caravan on our land. I had no issue with this. We talked about how it would be nice for our daughter to have her auntie who was a horse loving riding instructor and a career in horse health and welfare to hand and how she could have company hacking together etc.

Next thing he comes home and she is moving in our house as she can't afford a caravan. I am like ok well I don't mind helping her get on her feet but it's not forever.

The last three weeks have been hell and she hasn't even moved in yet. We only have a Sunday off work together. My husband is off on saturday too. His whole family have been here every weekend all weekend. Preparing and decorating the spare room. Moving all her horse stuff down. My poor husband is run ragged as they want extra fences gates and all these things in place for her horse. They haven't paid for a single thing or even offered they just expect it and he delivers. I feel so uncomfortable in my own home. I have one day off work and I can't catch up on housework or spend time with my children. I haven't barely seen my husband as he works long hours in the week. We both eat tea and it's time for bed. Sunday has always been our day. I have told him tonight that we need boundaries. His family only want to know now because of what we have. I am happy to help his sis but there needs to be a time limit and if his mum dad and other siblings think they can come here to stay every weekend too then I will end up moving out.

I have told him how I feel we have had a very large row. Apparently I am unreasonable. I just know this is not going to end well. They have done some truly horrible things over the years to him and I feel like we are being used for our house!

I suggest you explore the subject a bit more.

I think you should stop arguing the toss because it can only hurt the OP.

I believe you are taking the side of the OP's SIL. It is the only reason I can think of for you continuing to rubbish every bit of information I pick up on my computer. You might think you are rubbishing me: I don't care, but you are making life very difficult for the OP who is at her wit's end.

It makes no difference, and sadly, you are not helping the OP. Perhaps you don't want to help her? I made a suggestion that it could be very difficult if she was forced by her husband and in-laws to take in his sister and horse, and gave her a reason not to do so because of the difficulty she could end up in.

Then YOU come along (and are you on the in-laws side?) and tell her not to worry because llizzie is wrong and your SIL can come and stay with you and you won't have any problem in law getting rid of her if she doesn't move..

Are you on the side of the OP's in-laws?

I am telling her of the difficulty if she allows her SIL and horse to move in, and the consequences she might find from the information on the internet. It isn't just Ai, it is what is on legal sites as well.

You are so determined to discredit everything I say, that you have missed the point with your argument. As I said, I copy and paste from the internet, and it is not all under the Ai heading. What do you think Ai is? Do you think someone sits in an office and makes it up?

If you weren't so determined to insult me, you would realise that any suggestion which she has which will arm her with the confidence to stand up to her in-laws is good, and as soon as you starting pulling it apart, she has lost.

I have applied recently to have my care stay in when I need them. All the information that I have posted on here is the experience I had to go through to get the permission, and the warning, that I might have difficulty if they don't want to go.

And I got permission only so long as no money changes hands other than the £25 an hour I pay.

I will ask you again: what would you do if you had a lodger who refused to leave?

"Worldly influence" makes me think Brethren religious cult sect actually.

• While social media provides a platform for all users to freely express themselves, cases of offensive language are not rare and can severely impact user experience and even the civility of a community [4]. When such offence is intentional or targeted, it is further considered abuse[5].

If I had a lodger I would change the locks and put there stuff outside and they wouldn’t be getting back in

or I would get my husband to tell them to fuck off and leave - and they would leave I have no doubt

trust me they absolutely would not be living in MY HOUSE if I didn’t want them there any more

you might be a walkover and follow rules that don’t actually apply to anyone who is a lodger

but I’m not and I know that a lodger is only a permitted guest as such and you can get them out as soon as you want

Did your solicitor tell you that?

Every post I have made on this and other threads, you have pulled apart without any evidence to back up what you are saying.

That, is insulting to me, because there is no reason why you should do this. I think perhaps you could be the SIL or related to them, because only someone who was in favour of her moving in to the property and causing a serious mental breakdown of the OP would be so vehemently against my suggestions which would enable her to use to oppose what the SIL is determined to do.

I think what you are doing to me is despicable, but it is even worse to the OP, because by arguing against every suggestion which would give her the right to oppose the SIL moving in is stopping her from going forward.

You should apologise, not just to me, but to the OP who is in a very bad place at the moment.

• While social media provides a platform for all users to freely express themselves, cases of offensive language are not rare and can severely impact user experience and even the civility of a community [4]. When such offence is intentional or targeted, it is further considered abuse[5].

You have a husband who would support you. The problem the OP has is that her DH refuses to support her view.

As if that isn't bad enough for the OP, posters on here are disagreeing with suggestions she could use to support her opposition to the SIL moving in, and whilst posters get a great deal of satisfaction out of insulting other posters, it does not help the OP.

I would say that anyone who argues against good and legal suggestions on this thread is a friend of the SIL and her family, and definitely not on the side of the OP, desperately seeking help.

If your lodger refuses to move out
If you’ve given them the right notice, they usually have no legal right to be in the property any more.
If you share living space with your lodger

You can usually take action to make your lodger move out, as long as you don’t threaten or harass them. For example, you could change the locks while they’re out.
If you plan to take this type of action, you should get advice from a solicitor first - if you don’t follow the correct process to make your lodger leave, you might be doing something illegal.
You don’t need a court order to evict your lodger, but you can get one if they’re refusing to move out. This would let you use an enforcement officer to make your lodger leave.
You’ll have to pay the court costs upfront, so you should decide if getting a court order is right for you.
If you only share spaces like corridors or stairs with your lodger
Your lodger has to move out if:

• you’ve given them the right notice
• you have a court order to evict them

If they don’t move out by the date on the court order, you need to get a warrant from the court. The warrant lets you use an enforcement officer to make your lodger leave. You’ll have to pay the court costs upfront, but you can ask the court to make the lodger pay the costs back to you.

That is from the CAB

Next thing he comes home and she is moving in our house as she can't afford a caravan. I am like ok well I don't mind helping her get on her feet but it's not forever.

Is your SIL on any benefits? She may lose some of them if she moves into your home. Can you afford to keep her?

you can post as many links as you like to CAB
the point is lodgers have almost zero rights In a home where the landlord lives

what’s the chances of a lodger never leaving the house 😂
it would take me 5 mins if thst to change the barrel on a door and that would be done the moment they walk out of the property to go to work or to go to the shops

and all of what you posted is “ can “ may “
it even says you don’t need a court order but may like to get one so why would I get one if I am quite prepared to change the lock and force them to leave

unlike a lot of people Im not a pushover

as soon as the lodger is out of the house the lock would be changed and they wouldn’t be getting back in

What should I check before getting a lodger?
Before getting a lodger, you should check if you have a legal right to do so. It will depend on whether you rent or own your home. You must make sure your home is safe and secure, and that your lodger won’t be injured because of the condition of your home.
Getting a lodger - Citizens Advice
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/lodging-and-subletting/lodging-subletting/landlords-of-lodgers/taking-in-a-lodger-what-you-need-to-think-about-first/

I have also found that a lodger is only a lodger if they have a room in the house and share the common areas with the family. They are not allowed to lock their door and the landlord has the right to move them to another room.

If the lodger rents an annex, they are a tenant.

You seem not to want to help the OP at all. Can you not see that by telling the OP her rights and how she can prevent her husband from moving in her in-law you would be helping her?

You are so hell bent on calling me out you are becoming so obstinate that you can no longer think straight. You may think that a lodger has no rights, but that isn't true. If you are so distrusting of Ai, why not go into the gov.co.uk site? The information is there. Of course, if you only use a phone, you would not have such a clear picture of the law as a computer would give you.

FFS Lizzie give it a rest. You're so thick you can't comprehend the words you yourself are writing.

If this then they're a tenant
If that then they're a tenant

Exactly!

By your own admission they're not a bloody lodger then!

Someone isn't a lodger just because their LL uses that word to describe them. They're a lodger because they have a license to occupy. The basic rules are specific.

If someone is a lodger you don't allow them to take any actions which would change that status. If they put a lock on the door of the room they rent you remove it ASAP and give them notice to leave. You can't rent someone a self-contained area ie bedroom/kitchen/bathroom/living room and call them a lodger, because legally they aren't.

It's not "lodgers have rights if xyz".
It's they AREN'T a lodger if xyz.

It's not rocket science. It's got nothing to do with being on a phone or using a computer. It's to do with having the intelligence to understand the simple and easily available rules, something you seem to be struggling with.

I don't need to look up the law about lodgers, it's an area of law that I'm very familiar with. But as the thing you found (after a cursory internet search) obviously didn't explain it clearly enough, here is what Shelter tells lodgers:

"How your landlord can evict you:
Your landlord can 'peaceably evict' you when the notice or fixed term ends.
This means getting you to leave without using threats or violence. For example, they could change the locks while you are out.
Your landlord does not need to go to court to make you leave."
^See england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/eviction/eviction_of_lodgers_and_other_excluded_occupiers^

When lodgers share the same living space as their landlord, and do not enjoy exclusive possession, they have far fewer rights than other tenants. This would be the case if OP's SIL were to occupy the spare bedroom in her family's home, and share the same kitchen, bathroom etc. However I sincerely hope that will not be happening now.

Yes, of course, because my 9 months of training and 10 years of volunteering (inc. ongoing training) for CA count for nothing. 🙄

Now you're being ridiculous - in addition to still being wrong.
I volunteered for CA for 10 years, giving advice I was thoroughly trained to give, but you think I don't want to help people - hilarious! 😂 You, on the other hand quote a piece of AI and then state the precise opposite of what it clearly says - that a home owner does not need to get a court order to have an "excluded occupier" removed from their property.
Based on what OP has told us of the likely scenario should her SIL move in, her SIL would have the housing status of "excluded occupier" under housing law, as she will have a room in their home and will share living space with them - see this link about "excluded occupiers": https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/excluded-occupiers-and-basic-protection/check-your-rights-if-youre-an-excluded-occupier/ and pay particular attention to the section "If your landlord wants to evict you"
Your poor "advice" would have OP spending money and time that she does NOT need to spend to get a court order that SHE DOES NOT NEED to remove her SIL from her property should the SIL move in as OP has described.
YOU need to "stop arguing the toss" because you don't understand housing law.

I haven't been spiteful to you personally at all - I have had to repeatedly post to correct your incorrect posts! 🙄

I'm not doing anything to you - I'm correcting your incorrect posts on this thread (I am not aware of having any interaction with you on any other threads).

Just a little reminder to the late night poster*, it is an offence to suggest you are a legally qualified person when you're not.
The OP is asking for relationship advice not quasi facts off the Internet.
Repeated posts regarding tenants and lodgers are not going to help the OP. She is seeking support not a bun fight from posters looking to spout late at night after a few sherries (?). Professional care in a domestic setting is different to a family member staying in a spare room. I'm disabled too @llizzie but do have a law degree! No one is insulting you but you are derailing the thread.

I hope the OP had a reasonable night and is going to enjoy the sunshine regardless of her DH.

• not you @AngelicKaty

It's funny how you'll happily read the information on the CA public site, but argue with a former CA Adviser of 10 years about what that information means.
Read this again from the CA guidance you've quoted in this post:
"You don’t need a court order to evict your lodger, but you can get one if they’re refusing to move out. This would let you use an enforcement officer to make your lodger leave."
Do you understand the difference between "can" and "must"? This information is telling you that you can get a court order, but you do NOT have to (by law) and that the only reason you may choose to get a court order is so that you can then instruct an enforcement agent to escort your lodger and their belongings out of your property, instead of doing so yourself.
In the 10 years I volunteered at CA, no client I advised on removing an excluded occupier from their property chose to spend unnecessary time and money on obtaining a court order THEY DID NOT NEED!!!

Thanks Lastgig - I'm exhausted with correcting her nonsense. 😅

He is back came back yesterday didn't stay away after all. We have had a long chat. He was so upset. He knows what they are he was just hoping his sister was different. To be honest she does seem like a decent person but Thier claws are to far into her. He came to that realisation himself so that's some progress. She has spent to much time with them in my opinion and it seems the mother and brother are controlling the situation. She has no say in her own life. They have full control over everything she does. It's sad. We have agreed there will be no contact for now and he has been looking at therapy so we will explore that avenue. As for his family no they are not travellers. It is a religion. An awful controlling cult type religion that I will not name because I don't think that is appropriate. He left at 17 because he spent his life being controlled by his family and abused as a small child by someone in that religion and his family let it happen. They say they didn't know but made no effort to help him or do anything about it when they found out. By the timey husband left that person had died a few years before. It's the only reason that abuse stopped. We have agreed that we have tried having them back in our life it hasn't worked and for our children's sake he needs to let go. They have now left the religion/cult they were in a few years before they made contact and I thought maybe they would treat him better and they did but it is apparent now why. I feel for him. Coming from a loving stable family I have always struggled to understand them but I never wanted to make him choose. He did have therapy years ago. But he needs to go back. I have let him do his thing He always new what they were and has always done what he can to protect our children. He is a fantastic father. He agrees it's not healthy having them in our lives for any of us

@Sp3849 Thanks so much for this update OP. It's fantastic news that your DH has rationalised all this and arrived at his (very sensible!) conclusion without causing any more upset to your little family.
Your revelation about the nature of his upbringing is both shocking and sad and I now understand why you have been so accommodating of his DS - although I'm glad you and DH have agreed to keep his family at arm's length and not allow his DS to move in. Her situation is sad too, of course, but you can't fix her and she will need to seek therapy in the same way your DH has (and hopefully will do so again).
Best of luck OP - I sincerely hope this all works out well and you, your DH and DC can enjoy your dream home in peace! 🤗