To ask a parent to move their buggy from a café so I can sit down?

[TheUmberFawn]

Went to a busy café at lunchtime. One table was occupied by a mum with a large pram taking up the space of two chairs. There were no other free tables, so I asked politely if she could move it so I could sit. She gave me a dirty look and mumbled something about needing space. I get that babies come with stuff but why should that mean no one else can sit? AIBU for asking?

Well since I live here too and don’t agree I’m not sure you can speak on behalf of the whole of the UK.

I'd only use those for take out coffee. Maybe if they're already really quiet I might sit down, but not my usual haunt.

And yes, no table is reserved or a sure bet until you sit down at it, unless you've reserved online or by phone in advance.

Wow what a nasty comment. My babies loved cafes. I loved cafes and still do. What is it with people thinking mothers with babies should stay at home so it doesn’t inconvenience a person wanting to sit in a busy cafe? The table was small. The room around the table was small. The pushchair was occupying a second seat even though wasn’t sitting on the cafe chair it was still positioned to take up the room of the second chair. Such weird replies on here and some really nasty ones to mothers who like all people are allowed to leave their homes and visit cafes!

YABU for obvious reasons.

So basically what you’re saying is that there was no space and so the op had to direct the mum to move her buggy and baby so she could be accommodated and then squeeze her way on to the table so she could sit down? Yep, rude.

in my whole life, I have never had to ask to join a single occupied table at a coffee shop because there was no other space. It’s just using common sense and checking out how many free tables there. It’s not hard.

I hate when people ask this - particularly when I was breastfeeding. I don’t want to share personal space with someone I don’t know and so often people who ask to share your table want to make small talk. I probably would have said yes to be polite but I doubt I would have looked delighted about it.

Are all the people who are pro sharing tables understanding that it was a 2-person table and already had two people occupying the space - the Mum and the baby?

You can disagree all you like hon

Thank you

This is why I get sick of the UK or at least the places I’ve stayed in. So many places like cafes are super crowded and you don’t get your personal space if someone decides every inch must be filled.

I wouldn’t dream of asking someone to make room for me at a 2 person table especially not if there two people there - a mum and her baby.

And this is coming from a childfree woman.

My understanding is that a mother and a baby were at a table for 2.

I think it is reasonable to expect that a table for 2 will be used by a single party of 2. I would also be aggrieved if a stranger came along asking to share that space with us because they can't be arsed to wait.

The OP says the space was taken up, not that there was a vacant chair there.

"taking up the space of two chairs. There were no other free tables."

And also

"it was a two-person table and she was sitting at one chair with her pram parked where the second chair would be."

Usually, in a busy cafe, if there isn't space to sit you either wait, stand or take your drink away.

In a minority here clearly but YANBU.

YWBU. I can’t bear table sharing with strangers

I wouldn't stop from breastfeeding because someone had moved into the space I was in.

You say there were no other free tables... but the table you wanted to sit at wasn't free either? Was this literally the only single free seat in the cafe or was it less intimidating for you to go and sit with a mum and a baby who didn't want you than to join a table with two or three people who also didn't want you to sit with them???

The child / pram / buggy / high hair argument isn’t really the point anyway, even if you asked to sit and share a table with a stranger, who was there first, they can just say no they are not obliged to share if they don’t want to. You were incredibly rude to assume you could just take the other seat. I used to manage a relaxed vibe kind of cafe space and would never expect strangers to share, I would generally expect the person needing a table to ask a staff member to help them secure the next free table, often at busy times a person asking for staff help would prompt folk on another table to say “ oh we’re just leaving” and the staff member could be ready to clear that table quickly.
All other things being equal 2 person tables tend to be small, the mum may have wanted privacy to breastfeed or need table space to sort out a bottle or baby food or just space to be able to interact with her child whilst eating and drinking herself.

If I was out with my baby at a cafe enjoying a hot cuppa and a bite to eat (unheard of with a young baby) and someone asked me to move my pram, I would be very annoyed.
Not only have you disturbed her meal, you've made her feel like she was taking up space in a busy cafe when she got there before you did, you've been inconsiderate of how long it takes to leave the house with an infant, you've made assumptions about her baby and where she should put the baby while eating (it may well look like a baby can sit up, but that doesn't mean it's true. And judging how inconsiderate you've been to a mum, I'm assuming you don't have kids yourself).
Also, if the cafe was so busy as you said, the mum will have parked the pram somewhere out of the way of other customers and safe for baby to lay down and not be at risk of food or drink being spilled on them.
And finally, if a stranger asked to share a table with me (and my child) in a cafe, I would feel incredibly uncomfortable. It's just weird tbh.

It’s a cafe, not a works cafeteria. I would be annoyed if someone demanded to sit at my table with me.

sorry but that’s weird.

You went to a busy cafe at lunchtime.

Your words.

If you look in a busy cafe at lunchtime and there are no free tables then you have options.

Go to another cafe

Get a takeaway and find a bench outside

Go to a pub

Go to Greggs

I wouldn’t dream of approaching someone on a 2 person table and asking them to move their stuff so I could join them.
If she was taking up a large table and you could sit well away from her almost as if you had your own tables then fine, but a 2 seater table?! You’re mad.

she might have wanted to put a high chair in the chair space, who knows, she was there first and you are very lucky she agreed.

So weird to try and sit at someone's table with them. For all you know they could have been waiting for someone or their friend or partner was in the queue.

I wouldn’t even order anything if no free tables. I go somewhere else until I find somewhere with free tables.

Oh goodness OP, I didn't realise until your second post that you were asking her to move the pram so you could sit at the same table with her!

YABU. If there was no table for you to sit at, tough luck. This lady was already there with her baby.

i remember my Nan used to ask could we share tables in mcdonalds as a kid when it was busy. I would die of embarrassment every time. Brits quite often are too polite just to say no... when really, if we are honest, lots would hate the idea of having company thrust upon us like this.

No way would I want to sit with a stranger, it's hard enough for me to get out anyhow and see the world for a bit while having a coffee. You say it's common to share, not where I've been it isnt

There is absolutely no way I would ask a stranger to share a 2 person table. Unbelievably weird. Can you imagine plonking yourself down at a 4 person table only occupied by 3 people? Would you do that OP? I bet that wasn’t the only unoccupied chair in the whole cafe, why didn’t you ask to join a party of 3?