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Original poster

Husband wants expensive holiday that we can't afford

149 replies

Exhaustedpenguin · 06/04/2025 19:41

I'm really after advice here as I don't know what to for for the best.

DH and I both work and have 2 teenage children. Most years we do an interrailing holiday around Europe, visiting several countries and a mix of sleeper trains and 4* hotels. We always fly back from where we've reached with a budget airline.It usually costs more than a standard 2 weeks all inclusive resort type holiday because of the cost of eating out/travel etc, but we love it.

This year we are having extensive renovations on the house - at least 60k. We have no savings, and the renovations will be added on to our mortgage. The holiday will go on his credit card. I have said we should just do a week in a UK cottage instead of usual holiday, to prepare for all the unexpected costs that the renovations will kick up.

DH has refused. He says he works hard and deserves a decent holiday. We have been arguing for weeks. I have refused to agree to an overseas holiday. Last week he told the kids I didn't want to go on holiday and asked them to choose- go with him or stay with me. DD chose to go, DS chose to stay. Now DH is constantly dropping digs at me in front of them. That I don't understand how money works, that I don't work as hard as him. It's unbearable. And yesterday I discovered that he's booked interrail tickets for the 3 of them- ignoring my sons request.

I really don't know what to do. My son is adamant that he wont go unless I do. If I go, we will end up getting more in debt. DH won't compromise on having a cheaper holiday.

Apologies this is so long but there's a lot to consider...

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 06/04/2025 19:43

Whose name will the debt be in?

Wakemeupbe4yougogo · 06/04/2025 19:44

It sounds like he's living a lifestyle that he can't afford, OP, and his financial recklessness would seriously worry me. No one needs a holiday, they merely want one. Is the credit card he's using in your name too though?

Overthebow · 06/04/2025 19:46

You have no savings but go on this expensive holiday every year? You’re being sensible, you can’t afford to go, even a week in the UK will put you in debt.

kiwiane · 06/04/2025 19:47

This is more than the holiday - the total lack of respect for you would cause me to divorce him. He seems unbearable.

BlondeMummyto1 · 06/04/2025 19:49

If you always have a holiday then I can see why he wants to go but I wouldn’t want to be living with zero savings.

arcticpandas · 06/04/2025 19:51

kiwiane · 06/04/2025 19:47

This is more than the holiday - the total lack of respect for you would cause me to divorce him. He seems unbearable.

This. It's really not about the holiday per se it's about him undermining you and disrespecting you (infront if your children !).

BananaSpanner · 06/04/2025 19:52

How do you normally fund the holiday? Does it normally go on the credit card and get paid off. Will that actually be different this year? Your renovations are going on the mortgage so will mean a monthly increase in cost presumably but wouldn’t necessarily mean a lifestyle change.

However! He is behaving disgracefully and I wouldn’t want to go on holiday with him because of that alone. Bullying the kids over it also is despicable.

TomatoSandwiches · 06/04/2025 19:53

His behaviour involving the children is beyond the pale.
How is he going to afford the renovations and the CC debt? By getting you to pay more than your share of the typical household bills?

AcquadiP · 06/04/2025 19:53

I agree with both of you. Yes, DH works hard and deserves his holiday abroad. Yes, you're right in that you have to make sure there's enough money to cover unexpected costs relating to the renovations. I don't know if you've costed out cottage holidays in the UK but they may not be as cost effective as you imagine. I holiday in the UK and prices have gone through the roof; also there's no guarantee of good weather. Would a compromise be 7 days abroad or, at a push, 10 (with strict budgets in place for eating out etc)?
On a separate note, your DH isn't behaving in a financially responsible manner and, worse, he's demonstrating to your DC that living beyond your means is OK. Also, it's shitty of him to involve your DC in this.

rwalker · 06/04/2025 19:56

what’s the difference between between a week in the uk and 2 weeks inter railing

Confusedmeanderings · 06/04/2025 19:58

A holiday is a want, not a need. If he wants a holiday, he needs to look at something cheaper. He needs to suggest a budget that you feel comfortable with and then do the research to find something that would be within that price bracket.

Motheranddaughter · 06/04/2025 19:59

You have no savings but are adding 60k to your mortgage?
That seems very odd to me
i don’t think the additional cost of holidaying abroad will make much difference in the grand scheme of things

Thebloodynine · 06/04/2025 20:00

How do you have no savings? Where does all your money go? He obviously isn’t earning enough if you do this holiday every year yet have no money in the bank and all the renovations costs are going onto the mortgage.

I get so sick of men trying to play billy big balls and flash the cash… when they don’t have any cash. Nothing wrong with living to a budget or having no savings; just don’t pretend you have money and get yourself into debit to afford a fancy holiday.

Just sounds like you live beyond your means, can’t afford to save but want to pretend you have money to spare. I’d be concerned about going into retirement married to that man. What are you going to do with no savings?

BakelikeBertha · 06/04/2025 20:00

This reply has been deleted

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MissAmbrosia · 06/04/2025 20:02

I would not put up with the disrepect! This is more than just a holiday. I love a holiday and would push for one over many other things, but if the reality is you can't afford it - well how dare he do this?

Watermill · 06/04/2025 20:03

He sounds like a dreadful bully.

What are you going to do?

StartAnew · 06/04/2025 20:03

Oh heck! One of the hardest things about a partnership is deciding about use of money. Neither of you is wrong, but you both feel strongly that what you want is necessary and right.
DH and DD going together was a good solution; a cheaper holiday and you feeling better about saving some money and not being on a trip you couldn't enjoy.
I don't know what you can do about DH having bought a ticket for DS as well except explain quietly that DS wants to stay at home and ask him to cancel the third ticket even if it means losing money. It will still be cheaper not to have to pay for his meals and outings even if the travel is non refundable.

Timeforchangeornot · 06/04/2025 20:04

His attitude is the bad thing here. We are in a similar financial position. Honestly we can't afford the holiday we've booked but we've made the decision to do it as the kids are two years from leaving home and it's important to us to do this whilst we have them at home. However it was a joint decision and we have a plan on how to pay it off.
I can't believe a 'DH' would disrespect you so much in front of your kids. Completely unacceptable

Genevieva · 06/04/2025 20:07

Go, but insist on youth hostels. There are some fabulous ones with family rooms. You can also cook for yourselves and make packed lunches, as they have communal kitchens.

HeddaGarbled · 06/04/2025 20:09

I would do nothing. Don’t help him organise it. Don’t intervene between him and the children. Refuse to discuss it: “you know how I feel”.

He’s made this mess. Up to him to salvage it.

HairyToity · 06/04/2025 20:12

We're also doing some home improvements. It's costing 35k and we've saved the money over the last five years (plus DHs parents gave us a 5k gift towards the costs). Not booked a holiday yet, in case it comes in over budget. We're resigned that it might be a last-minute camping break or a static caravan somewhere, or maybe just a few days in a Travelodge.

I get that the holiday is a highlight of his year, but it's only being missed for one year. I don't know how you convince someone they're wrong, when they are adamant they are right. My dad has always been like this. My parents are still married, but mum has patience of a saint.

I would similarly be cross. It's not like you've said no holiday. Good luck.

Mirabai · 06/04/2025 20:13

The no savings thing seems mad. What happens if you need a new car or boiler?

You should always add 20-30% contingency onto renovations budget for unexpected costs. It’s unusual for big projects not to run over budget.

So yeah - holiday or renovation not both and you need to build savings asap.

ShanghaiDiva · 06/04/2025 20:14

No advice, but your husband is a complete arse.

Original poster
Exhaustedpenguin · 06/04/2025 20:17

Yes, the no savings thing is an issue. Without giving too much away, the holiday each year is put on his credit card (in his name) and he pays it off over the year. I contribute by paying for some of the hotels and half the meal costs. My worry is that with the increased mortgage costs, he won't be able to pay it off like he usually does.

DH doesn't save. He has a 'live for the moment' attitude. I pay for all the children's costs and ahy hone improvements. I also pay for all the car costs as he doesn't drive.

OP posts:
Bananafofana · 06/04/2025 20:20

You say you’ve got not savings, but how are you pensions looking? That’s my obsession - no savings but nhs or civil service pension, no worries. No savings and a few thousand in a pension pot and state pension, no holiday…