Husband wants expensive holiday that we can't afford

[Exhaustedpenguin]

I'm really after advice here as I don't know what to for for the best.

DH and I both work and have 2 teenage children. Most years we do an interrailing holiday around Europe, visiting several countries and a mix of sleeper trains and 4* hotels. We always fly back from where we've reached with a budget airline.It usually costs more than a standard 2 weeks all inclusive resort type holiday because of the cost of eating out/travel etc, but we love it.

This year we are having extensive renovations on the house - at least 60k. We have no savings, and the renovations will be added on to our mortgage. The holiday will go on his credit card. I have said we should just do a week in a UK cottage instead of usual holiday, to prepare for all the unexpected costs that the renovations will kick up.

DH has refused. He says he works hard and deserves a decent holiday. We have been arguing for weeks. I have refused to agree to an overseas holiday. Last week he told the kids I didn't want to go on holiday and asked them to choose- go with him or stay with me. DD chose to go, DS chose to stay. Now DH is constantly dropping digs at me in front of them. That I don't understand how money works, that I don't work as hard as him. It's unbearable. And yesterday I discovered that he's booked interrail tickets for the 3 of them- ignoring my sons request.

I really don't know what to do. My son is adamant that he wont go unless I do. If I go, we will end up getting more in debt. DH won't compromise on having a cheaper holiday.

Apologies this is so long but there's a lot to consider...

But a UK cottage holiday is expensive. You could do a package abroad for less and he would still have a nice holiday, minus the interraiing

He’s being an idiot. The house renovations should be instead of a holiday this year really. Well worth it to make your home wonderful for the 50 weeks of the year you’re there

How much are we talking your typical holiday costs!?

I think a compromise would have been good with a cheap package holiday in the sun. No chance to compromise though if he has already booked tickets 🤦‍♀️

We both have good pensions so we're not going to starve in old age!

I agree that a week abroad will be cheaper but he doesn't want to go for a week. Plus I'll admit thst I am being stubborn as well- I want the kids to see that you have to make sacrifices for nice things.

I get it. I've had to sacrifice a 2 week holiday abroad this year for the first time in over a decade. It hurts and I'm sad but that's life. He needs to grow up!

Your finances are shared - end of; he’s being very fucking unreasonable imo. Does he have any respect for you?? I’d be telling him to go alone and that’s that. If he’s not in agreement I might consider telling him to go on a permanent holiday from the marriage for being so immature and reckless with your household finances.

It'd be both of them in debt, surely? Marriage means shared debt (STD: sexually transmitted debt)

A holiday in the UK often works out a lot more expensive than a holiday abroad. It could be cheaper to go to Greece or Spain for a week in a 3 star hotel (or even a luxury campsite in France) than go to Centreparks or a luxury cottage in Wales for a week. Neither of you are wrong, but take a look at the options before making a decision.

I agree, but that ship has sailed. He’s made a unilateral decision to book their “usual” pricey holiday.

This matters to your husband. A lot. You sound stubborn for the sake of it.

I'd just refuse to go and pile into debt. Is work on house coming out of equity or being added to mortgage. Quite honestly in your position I'd go without a holiday for one year.

Cut your coat according to your cloth. I’d suggest both of you don’t have enough cloth for a coat.

With no savings both of you are in a vicarious position, what if one or both lose yr jobs? How do you then think you could repay either house renovations or any sort of holiday.

He’s not prepared to listen to reason and act like a grown up. I couldn’t live with someone like that.

Life is for living! Go and enjoy it.

The home renovations will mean you need a holiday.

You might be dead next year!!

It sounds like he's booked the trains but not the accommodation.

Accommodation can be done cheaper than 4* and less meals out. Which will be two of the big costs of that type of holiday.

Not sure if this is helpful but I was in your children’s position a long time ago. We always had a two week summer holiday and one year my parents couldn’t afford it so we didn’t. As a teenager, without understanding everything, it really hurt and challenged my feelings about things. So i would want to preserve the holiday if I could, but not if it wrecked family finances obviously.

You have no savings and you have two teenage chicken?! Omg, I’d hate to be in that position.

You need to see a financial adviser, look at your options. You and your h need to sit down and see where you can make savings so you can save money. Such a vulnerable position to be in.

Your dh is being ridiculous and selfish. If he goes, with or without you it will impact family money and you’ll all end up losing out. But you know that. I’m not sure what you can do if he’s adamant he’s going

Honestly you need to cancel the home improvements. 60k added to a mortgage when you can’t save as it is doesn’t sound right, before the cost of the holiday on top. DH & I both work and are coming to the end of renovations. Costs increase, be prepared. And we’d saved 90% of them and have camped in the UK for the last few years. Holidays abroad are luxuries, your DH is a disrespectful fool.

I can't imagine teenage chicken 😂 but I get the point

It's the renovations I wouldn't be doing in your position. I work ridiculous hours and my holidays are my reward for that. They are extremely precious family time, that for complicated reasons doesn't work at home, and proper rest from the chaos of work.
I understand where your dh is coming from, but he shouldn't be involving the kids in the dispute. Work out cheaper ways to do the holiday, and compromise.

How much does he earn and where is his money going if you pay for everything?

Putting aside the savings issue, have you both sat down and worked out if you could actually afford to pay off the hol taking into account the extra mortgage payments? The outcome of that could help one of you change their mind.

Your spending sounds mad to me tbh. We have 80k in savings but not going on a holiday abroad this year as I'm changing jobs and income will be reduced for a few years - so we're adjusting spending. I can't fathom putting a holiday on a credit card.

Asides from that, his complete lack of respect to you is very worrying. Sorry OP, but what kind of relationship is this? I'd be seriously considering separating.

He says he works hard and deserves a decent holiday

No one deserves a holiday they can't afford. That kind of thinking ends up with you in debt and miserable (or like my bil thousands of pounds in debt to his elderly parents).

I can't quite comprehend a major renovation with no savings either.

OP, please make damn sure his credit card holiday is going on a card in his name only - not a joint one.