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Original poster

Husband wants expensive holiday that we can't afford

149 replies

Exhaustedpenguin · 06/04/2025 19:41

I'm really after advice here as I don't know what to for for the best.

DH and I both work and have 2 teenage children. Most years we do an interrailing holiday around Europe, visiting several countries and a mix of sleeper trains and 4* hotels. We always fly back from where we've reached with a budget airline.It usually costs more than a standard 2 weeks all inclusive resort type holiday because of the cost of eating out/travel etc, but we love it.

This year we are having extensive renovations on the house - at least 60k. We have no savings, and the renovations will be added on to our mortgage. The holiday will go on his credit card. I have said we should just do a week in a UK cottage instead of usual holiday, to prepare for all the unexpected costs that the renovations will kick up.

DH has refused. He says he works hard and deserves a decent holiday. We have been arguing for weeks. I have refused to agree to an overseas holiday. Last week he told the kids I didn't want to go on holiday and asked them to choose- go with him or stay with me. DD chose to go, DS chose to stay. Now DH is constantly dropping digs at me in front of them. That I don't understand how money works, that I don't work as hard as him. It's unbearable. And yesterday I discovered that he's booked interrail tickets for the 3 of them- ignoring my sons request.

I really don't know what to do. My son is adamant that he wont go unless I do. If I go, we will end up getting more in debt. DH won't compromise on having a cheaper holiday.

Apologies this is so long but there's a lot to consider...

OP posts:
EMUKE · 08/04/2025 09:55

Husbands… they really are still little boys in big boys clothes. IMO I would stick to my guns and if your son doesn’t want to go he can stay with you! More for husband being a twat and booking it. You’ve said no it means no. Let your husband and daughter go away. When they make digs explain what you pay for and you can’t afford it. It’s really as simple as that. The house is being done and will add on to the mortgage that will be getting paid back monthly at a higher rate, leaving your husband shorter with his money. It’s that simple you can not afford it. You would rather the husband only have to pay for him and the daughter rather than an extra 2 people who aren’t bothered about going away. You wanted to compromise with a city break. He didn’t want to do that…. Ughhhh Men!

GeorgianaM · 08/04/2025 11:04

You are living quite precariously should one of you become ill or lose your job.

Can he earn overtime or generate extra income through selling off anything?

Living beyond your means and taking an unnecessary holiday is a bad example to your children.

babyproblems · 08/04/2025 13:43

Seeing your update I think I’d see a solicitor and find out what a divorce would look like. How can you live your whole life with someone like this?!? You’re already in a dangerous situation with no savings and he clearly can’t be trusted with budgeting or money. I would not want to be legally tied to this person!!

Walker1178 · 08/04/2025 13:56

TBH I think you’re both being a little unreasonable. Why does it have to be an all or nothing holiday? Surely it would have been more sensible to agree on a budget and then look at what options that gave you?

Gcsunnyside23 · 08/04/2025 16:39

UK is more expensive for a holiday, I'd just go him he's covering most the costs

ClaredeBear · 08/04/2025 18:14

I think you’re being very reasonable. You’ve had a lovely extension on your house which will no doubt positively impact your quality of life and whilst you realise there’s a small sacrifice to make, your husband thinks he should have his cake and eat it. But the way he’s trying to manipulate you through the children is the most worrying aspect of this and (in my view), you need to quietly tell him this wont work on you and the children can go if they want to. I’m so sorry he’s being such a bad parent.

PassingStranger · 08/04/2025 18:31

He needs to grow up
If you can't afford it, you can't afford it

You live by your means. He won't die if he dosent get the holiday he wants.
Nobody went away when covid was on anyway

Meadowfinch · 08/04/2025 18:49

I don't see why you need a new strategy. Your husband is an idiot, he's risking your financial security and treating your concerns with contempt. He has no savings. How does he intend to support his children at university?

I couldn't share my life with a man like that. He's a selfish prat.

RandomWordsThrownTogether · 08/04/2025 20:26

If he doesn’t pay towards the car I wouldn’t let him ride in it or start charging him a fare everytime he wants a lift anywhere. Such a silly notion - if it’s the family car used for family activities the car costs get split. Do you have a shared account for food, kids clothes, activities, bills, mortgage etc… Make sure everything is in it - car included or the car is only used for your stuff!

In terms of the holiday I would suggest compromising - stay in budget hotels, get family rooms in hostels, airbnb, campsites etc… It doesn’t have to be 4 star! Has he chosen the countries he is visiting, again if you go for cheaper countries you can save some money!

Rgke · 13/04/2025 15:34

Read about this post on a US website, and I just came to say you should call the Dave Ramsey show for some financial advice, make your husband listen too!

Jaxsofit · 13/04/2025 19:43

Exhaustedpenguin · 06/04/2025 19:41

I'm really after advice here as I don't know what to for for the best.

DH and I both work and have 2 teenage children. Most years we do an interrailing holiday around Europe, visiting several countries and a mix of sleeper trains and 4* hotels. We always fly back from where we've reached with a budget airline.It usually costs more than a standard 2 weeks all inclusive resort type holiday because of the cost of eating out/travel etc, but we love it.

This year we are having extensive renovations on the house - at least 60k. We have no savings, and the renovations will be added on to our mortgage. The holiday will go on his credit card. I have said we should just do a week in a UK cottage instead of usual holiday, to prepare for all the unexpected costs that the renovations will kick up.

DH has refused. He says he works hard and deserves a decent holiday. We have been arguing for weeks. I have refused to agree to an overseas holiday. Last week he told the kids I didn't want to go on holiday and asked them to choose- go with him or stay with me. DD chose to go, DS chose to stay. Now DH is constantly dropping digs at me in front of them. That I don't understand how money works, that I don't work as hard as him. It's unbearable. And yesterday I discovered that he's booked interrail tickets for the 3 of them- ignoring my sons request.

I really don't know what to do. My son is adamant that he wont go unless I do. If I go, we will end up getting more in debt. DH won't compromise on having a cheaper holiday.

Apologies this is so long but there's a lot to consider...

Neither of you know how to manage finances well.

Renovations need to be saved up for, adding to the mortgage is a bad move. Emergency Renovations that absolutely needed to be done for the safety of the home and those in it... totally different.

Depending on the importance of the renovations could show why your husband may see things differently. If the renovations were your idea and were unneeded, then it makes sense why he feels it's okay to have the vacation. Whether the renovations add value to your home or not.

If he works more hours and maintains the home and taking care of the children equal to you, it also makes sense why he'd want the vacation.

Here's the thing... neither of you are on the same page financially, which means you both have different values. Neither of you have a savings/emergency fund and that's far more important than a vacation or house renovations. Your original question doesn't matter as much as both of you sitting down and figuring out your values and your finances from this point and into the future. Otherwise, divorce is right on the horizon when the teens are out of the house. He's already showing the signs.

BrightGreenPoet · 13/04/2025 23:40

I'm wondering why this vacation is so important to your husband, have you asked him? Is it really as simple as he wants to go or is it because this is something truly special to him because it's a tradition you have with the kids who are going to move away soon, this is a trip he looks forward to all year that gets him through the rest, etc.?

I take my kids to the same place every year even though it's expensive and money sometimes gets tight because it's the place my parents, aunts, and uncles took my cousins and I too as children and it's the place my mother and I took my kids to every year before she was killed. I can always make more money but I can never get this time back with them, so we go.

He's handling it badly, I don't like the way he's acting at all, but there might be more to it than he's telling you or even than he realizes

PhillyPhilly · 30/04/2025 00:24

Not sure if it's a cultural thing (I'm American and stumbled upon this) but the issue I have here is that it doesn't sound like a partnership where you're able to make decisions together. He sounds very selfish in not contributing to the kids routine expenses and needs and then coming in to be the hero with a big trip. Would he ever be open to you combining your earnings into a budget for the family and then you each get some for yourself at the end of the month? It's wild to me that you are paying for all the home improvements -- is the house only in your name or is it his too? How would he feel if you charged him rent for the upgrades?!

I also work hard and live for our big vacations, but we have had years where we scale back for different reasons (one year was due to home improvement!). The time off together matters more than where you go, and it is important for the kids to learn about sacrifices now because eventually they'll be starting their own lives and not have resources available to them like they do today.

Anyhow, I literally only signed up for this site to say you are very reasonable to be concerned about your finances here. Yes, you could die tomorrow... You could also live to 100 and need money - life is a balance, you're just being smart about it. Good luck mom!

TheHerboriste · 30/04/2025 01:17

He sounds like a complete jackass with the mentality of a teenager. And willing to pit the kids against you. It’s sooooo inappropriate to involve the children in a marital/financial conflict.

who earns what? Why do you pay for so much? What are the renovations and whose idea are they?

LucyLoo1972 · 17/01/2026 19:02

Overthebow · 06/04/2025 19:46

You have no savings but go on this expensive holiday every year? You’re being sensible, you can’t afford to go, even a week in the UK will put you in debt.

you are living way beyond your means

LucyLoo1972 · 17/01/2026 19:03

Jaxsofit · 13/04/2025 19:43

Neither of you know how to manage finances well.

Renovations need to be saved up for, adding to the mortgage is a bad move. Emergency Renovations that absolutely needed to be done for the safety of the home and those in it... totally different.

Depending on the importance of the renovations could show why your husband may see things differently. If the renovations were your idea and were unneeded, then it makes sense why he feels it's okay to have the vacation. Whether the renovations add value to your home or not.

If he works more hours and maintains the home and taking care of the children equal to you, it also makes sense why he'd want the vacation.

Here's the thing... neither of you are on the same page financially, which means you both have different values. Neither of you have a savings/emergency fund and that's far more important than a vacation or house renovations. Your original question doesn't matter as much as both of you sitting down and figuring out your values and your finances from this point and into the future. Otherwise, divorce is right on the horizon when the teens are out of the house. He's already showing the signs.

Show quote history

100 percent this

my husabnd is at the other extreme and wont pay for essential repairs

LucyLoo1972 · 17/01/2026 19:05

Meadowfinch · 08/04/2025 18:49

I don't see why you need a new strategy. Your husband is an idiot, he's risking your financial security and treating your concerns with contempt. He has no savings. How does he intend to support his children at university?

I couldn't share my life with a man like that. He's a selfish prat.

Edited

the opposite extreme can be just as bad

MagicSpring · 17/01/2026 19:08

This post was from April last year. They've probably finished the renovations, the holiday season and quite possibly the divorce by now.

LucyLoo1972 · 27/01/2026 04:46

Exhaustedpenguin · 06/04/2025 20:17

Yes, the no savings thing is an issue. Without giving too much away, the holiday each year is put on his credit card (in his name) and he pays it off over the year. I contribute by paying for some of the hotels and half the meal costs. My worry is that with the increased mortgage costs, he won't be able to pay it off like he usually does.

DH doesn't save. He has a 'live for the moment' attitude. I pay for all the children's costs and ahy hone improvements. I also pay for all the car costs as he doesn't drive.

there needs to be a balance. my husband was the opposite and the stress involved in never spesnign anythign contributed to my having a psychotic break

DeftGoldHedgehog · 27/01/2026 05:34

What does it matter if the card gets paid off in the year then? Life is short, I'm with DH on this.

Mumsknot · 27/01/2026 06:10

It’s another man with a dreadful sense of entitlement. I don’t know how it doesn’t give you the ick.

FriedFalafels · 27/01/2026 06:23

.

PurpleThistle7 · 27/01/2026 06:27

I don’t think anyone is behaving well here. Is he nice to you in other ways and this is unusual? From your updates it seems not really but maybe you haven’t said the good things. It sounds absolutely exhausting being the only one paying for things and the only one who does the maths. There are lots of ways to manage finances and the massive issue here is that you are on very opposite ends in every way. But the much bigger issue for me is how he’s manipulated your kids. That’s disgusting full stop.

Ferro · 27/01/2026 06:43

Is it the case that you wanted the 60K of renovations and he didn't?

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