Things in life you never thought you would recover and move on from, but you did…

[Ggll]

Mine… a termination in my early thirties at five weeks. Absolutely devastated me. It genuinely felt like the world had switched its lights off and nothing would feel ok again. And to some extent it didn’t feel the same again, I was different, but I was still ok. I laughed again and was happy.

Later in life my child’s father left me while o was pregnant due to a breakdown. It was truly a horrendous time. He now sees our DD and things are very different again but at the time I did not see how I could put one foot in front of the other.

I think these things are really powerful to remember when hard times arrive.

My ex abused me for several years. He tried to kill me twice, the second time he chased me in the street with a knife, I can still remember seeing him come out of the house and seeing the glint of the knife in his hand, but the thing I really can't forget is the look in his eyes, I've never seen anyone look at me like that before or since. It was like he was possessed, nothing would have stopped him. I ran as fast as I've ever ran and managed to get to my car and lock myself in, he punched the windows and slashed my tyres before I could get away, I drove on the flat tyres as far as I could. He physically hurt me and put me in hospital several times but that night is what terrified me the most.

Several years later my daughter finally told me that he had abused her when we were together, she was only 6 when we broke up so she was very young when the abuse happened, she only became aware of how wrong it was when they had a lesson in school about consent. Learning this was way worse than any of the abuse I suffered, the guilt is something I don't think I'll ever get over. I'm a different person than I was before.

My husband died in front of me on holiday (aged 56) in March. It was our first holiday together without the kids DS14 and DS17. We were celebrating our upcoming 20th wedding anniversary. I had to come home on my own with two suitcases. I sobbed all the way. I then had to tell the kids when I got home, alone. Then I had to tell his 89 year old mother that her only child had died. I’m now primary carer for her.
What has been truly amazing is the outpouring of love and support from my very small family, neighbours, community and friends who have been just fabulous. I feel so blessed to have these people in my life. Like a warm hug. I’m dreading the funeral but I want to give him an epic funeral to celebrate the life of one of life’s most beautiful souls. He was so kind, supportive and wonderful dad and husband. I’m only 48 and a widow. It feels like a bad dream. But with all this love around me I feel like I can do this. Rise up and evolve. I can do this. I’m strong. I can do this.

Above was posted in error in the wrong place. i am so sorry Lalaland. Have asked for it to be taken down. What you have gone through is extraordinary. Am glad you so much good support through your loss.

Sending hugs @Lalaland44 I am so very sorry for your loss. You're stronger than you think. Do him proud 🌷

Having to perform CPR on my husband in the middle of the night 😔

I managed to bring him back but I haven’t slept more than about 4 hours a night since that night 7 months ago. Every move or strange noise at night, makes me jump out of my skin and I’m pretty sure I have PTSD from it.

Sudden death of mum a month ago has left me reeling. We finally had the funeral this week, which was lovely, but involved returning to my home town. I’m the eldest child but left home for uni and didn’t return. Some people were truly lovely, others treated me like a second class mourner compared to siblings. No doubt because I have ‘notions’. Overheard one horrid comment.

I’m also being made redundant from my job, in circumstances that are not straight forward. I’m going to need to dig deep for that one as it’s going to require fighting.

2 years ago I got an abscess in my bum cheek which was drained but didn't heal. I had 6 operations over 9 months and most of the time between ops I was just left never knowing what the next step was. It was just a never ending path of no plans and not-knowing. I'd been signed off sick for over 10 months, could sit, couldn't drive, couldn't walk very well and was in danger of losing my 25 year career. Didn't know if I'd ever work again. I really had to push and argue and turned up at A&E crying in pain so many times. I had sepsis twice.

12 months ago the Consultant explained he only option to fix it would leave me permanently incontinent so the only solution is that I now have a rubber drain thing hanging out of my bum hole which loops through into my abscess cavity to help it drain. I misunderstood the operation and remember being in theatre crying my eyes out when I realised what would actually be happening.

My partner couldn't cope with it and point blank refused to actually let me explain what was wrong with me and how my body was. It made me feel absolutely humiliated and ashamed as a woman. We split up before my final op and I was devastated because I really thought he was the one and we'd get married. I know I'm better off without him but it's still just a great shame. The thought of being intimate with someone new petrifies me. I don't know if I'll ever let myself be in that position.

But you know, it's liveable. There's hardly any pain. I've not needed any operations in 12 months now. I've not reabscessed so the drain is doing its job, and since my return to work 11 months ago ago I've not had one day off sick. I can walk fine. I can drive (not as far so I can't visit friends where I used to live). I've been hiking. I can walk hours round the Trafford Centre! I've been abroad again. I've had to get genned up on Equality Act and have adjustments at work. I've had to cut my hours so I have less money coming in. I have to use disabled toilets for the rest of my life, and all my lovely sexy underwear is a thing of the past. But I'm alive, I'm generally not in any pain and I've learnt that life can still be good.

coping with my husband’s mental illness. The terror that he might leave this world without meeting his unborn child. I will feel it for ever. The complexity of all the feelings - empathy and care but also pure rejection and anger. And no one to talk about it with, since it’s all so stigmatised. Still, he is well today. I’ve stopped looking any further than that.

My mum killing herself when I was 16. It has cast a long shadow over my life. I am now the age she was when she did it. I haven’t been as strong as other posters who use tragedies to propel them forwards. Still in counselling for it.

I am glad I have helped you and a couple of others on this thread.
It isn't taken well on here sometimes, to mention it as some see it as ableist and others don't think It's a real thing.

When my beloved Aunt was murdered by her husband when I was 10, I lived with them every other week for several years whilst my single parent Mum worked shifts, seeing my Nan's hair turn white from black literally overnight as she suffered a breakdown trying to come to terms with my Aunt's death, seeing other family members struggle with it and all the while I was eaten up with guilt as I hadn't told anyone that he (Aunt's husband) had sexually abused me up until I was 6. I thought that her death was all my fault as if I had spoken up at the time then maybe she would have left him and would still be alive. I've only told my husband about this, I buried it for a long long time. I was raped when I was 19 which brought up all the memories of the sexual abuse and the guilt, god the guilt has never left me it has had a big impact on my everyday life. I didn't report the rape due to the overwhelming guilt from my childhood sexual abuse, convinced myself I deserved it, no one would believe me, something I bitterly regret. Just something I have to live with now.

@hevs03Im so sorry what happened to you and your Aunt. Please, please don't feel any guilt. You were just a child. You did nothing wrong. All the blame and all the shame goes on him. None of it is on you. I wish you peace 💐

I've seen that look too, in a similar scenario. I hear you xx I hope the terror has faded and I'm sending you all the love and best wishes I can , anonymously, over the internet, for your healing xxxx

Getting pregnant in 1967 at the age of 16. A total taboo in those days. Being forced to have my beautiful boy adopted.

Becoming a widow at 34. He had a terminal heart defect & went out one morning & never came back as had a fatal heart attack while out. It was a really shitty 8 weeks tbh, had a miscarriage, 3 weeks later had a radical hysterectomy then 5 weeks later my dh died. Honestly don't know how I got through the first year.

11 years ago I had a full mental breakdown & was very very poorly. It took me a long time to get where I am now but it completely changed me & I still have "blips" but have a very understanding dh.

Losing my darling dad in the second covid wave. He was completely deaf so we was unable to phone him like we did my mum when she was in hospital (at the same time.) Because dad's oxygen levels kept dropping he became very confused. The thought of my darling dad being really poorly & wondering why none of his family cared enough to visit him absolutely kills me inside. It's been 5 years & I will never get over losing him. I miss him every single day.

Sending love to everybody on here who has suffered loss & trauma 💐💐💐

Thank you @GreenCandleWax . It was actually MN that saved me . I put my post on here asking for a hand hold and the most amazing people came through who I still talk to everyday. I actually ended up doing 4 threads in the end ! . I never had friends before as I wasn’t allowed them . I can honestly say hand on my heart they saved my life . I’m now in my new home and it’s lovely. My ex burnt all my possessions so I had to start from scratch and everything I now have is mine . I still have a long way to go but for the first time in 15 years I feel peace xx

I've experienced similar, I'm so sorry @GreenCandleWax

I am so sorry younhave had this too Booboomylove. Its such a devastating loss. I hope you have found peace and a way to cope.

Having to give birth to stillborn babies, one at 20 weeks and one at 16 weeks and having to go through funerals for them both. I didn’t think I would ever stop crying….

So many dreadful and heartbreaking stories, but we are still here making the best of life as best we can,I send love and respect to you all.

Mine: being 8 months pregnant, going on a break with my OH (his choice), him drunkenly sleeping with a coworker and her ending up pregnant!

We was back together before we found out.

Both our babies born 7 months apart mine in march 2015 and her November 2015

Still not sure how I did it.

This is so sad. My sympathy x

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Where do I start🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Get comfy.

Miscarriage at 6 weeks (2003).
Didn't know I was pregnant.
Everything all about it from discovering this thing in my knickers to sitting in the waiting room at a&E with it in a carrier bag in my hands to the person who told me I should be more careful.

Postnatal depression (2018/2019).
Fuck me what a wallop that was and I don't think the memories will ever leave me. I wasn't well at all.

Love interest got my cousin pregnant (1999).
I had a 'fuck buddy' who, due to my low self esteem, I could not believe was fucking me because to me he was god's gift!! I would have done anything for him. We ended up living together as my mum had told me to leave the home after I massively disrespected her and so I moved into his place as a 'lodger'.
After a while we fell out and I moved out back to my mum's; he and my cousin had sex and she got pregnant with his child. I was absolutely devastated by it.
I would have been 22 then.

Um......

2023/2024.
2023 I had big work issues. I'd never been out of work for longer than two months and I just couldn't get a job and things were really hard at home (DP and 2 DC). Then when I did work there were challenges and I experienced a lot of negativity against my character which is something I'm not used to as generally people like me and my confidence in my ability to work in an office environment waned due to things that happened in 2022 and continued the year after.
Beginning of 2023 I was mentally and physically sick and eventually I told my DP of 15 years that I'd had enough of the relationship and I was done with him. Nothing had changed after many chances for him to do what he needed to and I was done!
Then I discovered my son naked with an erection on my Chromebook and he'd been on adult interactive websites for at least 10 days prior to my discovery.
That I didn't think I'd be able to get past but I don't carry false guilt anymore. It wasn't my fault, he lied to me about what he was doing. When I'd seen him before in his pants I didn't think anything of it because hes a child who strip's off in the house 🤷🏼‍♀️
He doesn't seem phased by the experience but I know it can come at anytime.

At 11 I had a knife held to me by 'bigger girls' who lived on the road I did.
Hugely traumatised me for decades unknown. I'd put it in a crevice in my brain and relived it maybe a decade ago if that. And it makes so much sense to my social anxiety and fear of violence throughout my life.

Um......

The way I was treated by my 'oldest best friends'. Never did I ever think they would speak to me like they did and treat me as they did.

I have ADHD with autism traits for which I was diagnosed last year so my life now makes so much sense to me.
All the big feelings and the not getting certain cues make sense.

I am so sorry.
My mum was a gymslip mum too.
First time she had sex... Pregnant at 16, had my brother at 17 in 1967.