Things in life you never thought you would recover and move on from, but you did…

[Ggll]

Mine… a termination in my early thirties at five weeks. Absolutely devastated me. It genuinely felt like the world had switched its lights off and nothing would feel ok again. And to some extent it didn’t feel the same again, I was different, but I was still ok. I laughed again and was happy.

Later in life my child’s father left me while o was pregnant due to a breakdown. It was truly a horrendous time. He now sees our DD and things are very different again but at the time I did not see how I could put one foot in front of the other.

I think these things are really powerful to remember when hard times arrive.

Thank you for the solidarity.

But I am sorry to hear that you've gone through similar. It's such a stigmatised issue that nobody talks about, and also I struggle to wrap my head around the after-effects.

I've survived a lot of stereotypically 'worse' things. An ex tried to murder me,life changing but not life threatening injuries now, my father was a violent man who hated me and I've been SAd more times than I could voice. But my ex who did that? I'm broken. Life has changed, I am a different person with a different personality now.

Nothing else has done that or even come close. The trauma that relationship caused has affected my life in a very deep and multi faceted way and I am still learning who I am again.

Thank you for the solidarity but again, I'm sorry you're in a similar position.

Being so so unwell with OCD. I thought it would end me. Yet here I am and doing well.

Thank you ♥️ I am sorry for you too and anyone else who has to go through this

I found the fb support groups quite helpful. If just for somewhere to vent to people who fully understand. They have zoom meet ups too.

It does get better. Please feel free to post on the Mumsnetters without Children forum,when you are ready.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/childfree-mumsnetters

Admitting to myself the truth about the level of dysfunction and abuse in my family. Went into therapy and was medicated, but became alcoholic too. Managed to rid myself of abusive DH who I had married to get away from family. Felt like the end, for a while.

You do learn how to build a new life and how to look after yourself better, but, OMG it's not easy.

Truly heartbreaking, I’m so sorry.xxx

A very abusive relationship with a narcissist. He alienated me from friends, followed me every time I went out. He hit me, strangled me, threatened me with knives, threatened to end my life constantly. He would control me using our children, telling me if I left I would never see them again. Racked up huge debt in my name. Cheated on me. SA me regularly. I got free 14 years ago. I will never be the confident, bubbly outgoing person I was previously but I have a great life. I’m engaged to a great man and went on to have twins 3 years ago.

Very newly in this situation. Loss of a very close loved one to suicide. Was very recent.
absolutely out of the blue.
i do not see how I will ever recover at this point. Life is rolling on, and it is absolutely devastating. Just celebrated my babies (third baby) first ever birthday without the person, and it was absolutely devastated.
this thread is lovely to read. But I genuinely don’t see how I will ever ever be ok.

Breaking up with my boyfriend of nearly 17 years, even though I did meet someone else who I married and who I am still married to. As my son said it is a relationship I have never got over.

Do you mean for Cassandra Syndrome? That would be so helpful to me. Thank you 😊

💔

I'm so sorry for your experience.

This is a beautiful post.

Sending love to everyone in this thread. I'm sorry you have experienced the things you have. I wish you all so much happiness 🩷

My husband left me after 20 years of marriage and 3 kids. He literally just said one day that he didn't want to be responsible for a family anymore, and he left. He sees the kids, but much less than he did, of course

My marriage ending in December. I believed that he was the love of my life. I thought we would be together until death us do part. I’ve spent the last four months really looking at myself …why was I so intensely attracted to a man with whom I never felt emotionally safe?Why did I put my life on hold to support his? I’ve joined a daily online meditation group. I’ve signed up for a course of study that I am loving. I’ve joined an art collective and am really valuing the therapeutic, creative outlet. I’ve returned to the twelve step program that I belong to. I’ve made new friends and reconnected with old ones. And realised that he wasn’t the love of my life. It was trauma bonding in its simplest form. He was no different to a drug for me …

My husband of 30 years died on Saturday. I had 5 weeks to prepare after the diagnosis. I’ve spent the weekend going between the awful aftermath admin and washing everything that isn’t nailed own. And leaning on my family and friends. I know I’ll survive this, and go on to a new phase, but right now it’s raw.

Having a stroke in my twenties. I was so terrified by the thought of having another one that I was suicidal. But now, almost ten years later, I’m happy and healthy.

Being left by the father of my son (who was 1), the weekend we accepted an offer on our house and the day before I started a new job. Picked his fucking moment.

I would work all day absolutely fine, cry all the way home and all night and switch it off when I arrived at work the next day.

Best thing that ever happened to me in the long term. Still in the job 10 year later, have a much nice house closer to my family and a much nicer partner.

So sorry for your loss @Meeatcheese

Losing our house due to my mental health and hiding the mortgage arrears letters due to panic. (Stemmed from my mums funeral plan not covering the cheapest funeral and me having to juggle my salary to top it up, had a roll on effect).
Both myself and my husband were home when the bailiffs arrived to evict us. He had no idea at all what had been going on. It was awful. (Give him his due, the bailiff was a lovely man, he stayed for 5 hours to help us try and find a way to get the money from somewhere for the arrears, just couldn't do it sadly).
I gave my husband the option to go our separate ways when everything was sorted, but he refused and said we were in this together.
We had to stay for 6 weeks with our friend while we found somewhere to rent and also had to arrange storage for our house full of 20 years worth of things. It was a horrible time, I was sick all the time, couldn't sleep and could hardly eat.
Got somewhere to rent, all our mates mucked in to move us. Lived there for a year while everything had been sorted.
Long story short, once we had sorted the bank out, got the equity, managed to sell my mums flat, we found a house and my dad topped the remainder up, for us to buy a beautiful house outright.
But yes, I thought I'd never get over it and did seriously consider that everyone would be better off if I wasn't here.
Thankfully I am still here, I can look back now and feel sorry for what I did, but it lead to something far better as it turned out. Which makes me feel better about it all.
So, whatever you're facing, it can have a better outcome than you ever imagined.

When we went for the second scan of our longed for second daughter, the very chatty technician suddenly went very quiet. After a lot of tests we received a diagnosis of a fatal foetal abnormality. All we wanted at that stage was to move on. But because of where we lived, not only was abortion illegal, but it was illegal for any healthcare staff to give us any advice that would help us to seek a termination. So we were on our own.
Ultimately we flew to England for a termination as a private procedure. I came round from the anaesthetic to find the nurse shaking me to wake me - they bundled me into an ambulance and sent me to A&É. I spent a night in agony but because the private provider hadn't provided complete information, it took until the next day for the hospital to realise I was bleeding internally.
It turned out my uterus and small intestine had been punctured and because of the long delay there were now signs of sepsis. They had to operate, carry out a hysterectomy and a bowel section. I spent a week in the hospital desperate to recover and get home, while my husband moved from cheap hotel to cheap hotel. I had several blood transfusions.
It took months to recover physically and a lot longer mentally. It was devastating.
A year later I was made redundant, then we moved house to a place that turned out to be in much worse condition than it looked.
The restoration is nearly finished now, and after a lot of ups and downs I am working in my best ever job.
Like others have said, the Big Terrible Thing changed me for good. I retreated into myself for a long time and lost contact with a lot of people. There's the Before Me and the After Me , and they're different. Life is much better now and I am lucky to have a daughter who has grown up to be an amazing teen. But I don't think I will ever have a day of unalloyed joy again - that feeling has gone for good.

Finding my sister embracing my fiance when I was much younger. I cancelled the wedding, cancelled the dress being made, cancelled the cake. Now haven't spoken to her for about 20 years.

My serial cheat emotionally abusive exh finally wanting to split so he could be with a receptionist at his work. Stayed in the house with him for a month while he had phone sex loudly, went on dates etc. Just to drive me out of the house. It worked and my and my daughter went to live with my parents for 3 months and then moved into a 2 bed rented flat in a town neither of us knew. He refused to let me have any belongings so had to start again. Was v difficult in divorce. He refused to sell the house and got his friend to do valuations so it was low. Ending up accepting a sum to be free of him. Was enough to buy a house with a garden. That day my daughter and I danced round the garden with our dog. 5 years later I am engaged to a lovely man, very happy. Exh put the house on the market just after settlement for 100,000 more than it was valued. BUT he couldn't sell it. Only sold it 6 months ago for well less than. He gave me. He now rents.

My dad getting cancer and dying.

There was a point in time during that period where I felt like I didn't want to live with the pain and it would never end.

But it did and I do now want to live.