Page 6 | Things in life you never thought you would recover and move on from, but you did…

Coffeeallday · 07/04/2025 19:53

Cynic17 · 06/04/2025 13:25

I can think of a number of things that I wouldn't dream of sharing, even on an anonymous forum.
But the point is, humans are tough. We might think we won't cope with something but, when it happens, we do. We just have to get on with it. What worries me is that the importance of resilience seems to be declining.....

This, I completely agree

labrador73 · 07/04/2025 20:02

First baby, first grandchild, emergency caesarean home after 10 days, first morning back call from my father to say my younger brother killed in car crash. Family never recovered.

Thefsm · 07/04/2025 20:03

I found out my husband (together 24 years at the time) was having an affair and hadn’t loved me for years. It broke me utterly and I spent a couple of weeks in mental wards just staying alive. Two years on and my arms are covered in the long scars of self harm/suicide attempt but I am finally doing better. I can write again which for two years I couldn’t do. I am starting to take care of my health and lose weight and exercise for myself. We still live together but it will never be the same and I don’t know if or when he will
leave me. I’m trying to grow strong enough to survive when he does. It’s hard as I’ve been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and ptsd so I struggle to not build my whole world on one person. But I’m gradually seeing the joy in life again.

changedusernameforthis1 · 07/04/2025 20:11

My Grandma dying when I was 16. She was the only member of my family who I felt loved me. She was everything to me. About a week after the funeral I made an attempt at my own life and went through a lot of therapy after being discharged from hospital.

When I was 23, a man broke into our house and attacked my (then) Husband with a sawn off shotgun. It was horrific and ended up in the newspaper. He got 20 years with a minimum of 15, apparently he was already wanted for doing the same to a shopkeeper a few days prior.
I ended up with severe anxiety and had more therapy.

Leaving said husband. I tried many, many times but felt like I couldn't be without him, despite how horribly he treated me.
I now have no idea where he lives or what he's doing, and I'm very happily re-married to someone absolutely lovely.

Also - multiple miscarriages, then finally a healthy pregnancy but extremely sick with hyperemesis.
Sepsis from an infected gum after wisdom tooth removal - I was certain I wasn't going to make it to the hospital, let alone survive and be back home once I'd recovered.

Crapola25 · 07/04/2025 20:58

My goodness, these are all utterly heartbreaking and have moved me to tears.
I'm so sorry so many of you have been through so many awful things.

I had a difficult childhood, alot of domestic violence between my parents and my older brother - my brother stabbed my mum. We had the police around most weekends for various reasons. I spent most nights crying in bed because all I could hear was arguing and fighting down stairs. At one point my brother was so disruptive he was moved to a children's home temporarily so we could have respite. Then when I was 11 my parents separated. Whilst they were selling the house my mum had a brain haemorrhage. I remember the ambulance turning up and my poor lovely mum spent 8 weeks in hospital. It still breaks my heart now to think about it. She had brain surgery and she survived but her personality was different after that.
I suffered from anorexia and depression as a teenager and took an overdose when I was 18. At 19 I went to uni. At 20 I'd gone home to see my family and got caught up in the midst of my brother trying to attack my dad. I called the police. It divided the family and didn't speak to any of them for a long time. But did somehow end up getting a first and using all of my energy trying to pursue my dream career so I didn't have to move back home. Things have been up and down since then. I used to fixate on "why me", why is this always happening to me but now I reframe my thinking, I've built up so much resilience there's not anything I can't cope with. And even time something bad happens I try to turn it into a positive. But sometimes life can feel lonely. None of my friends know about my past and they can't relate to it anyway. I haven't even told my husband.
Since I left home I've had a pregnancy loss, been diagnosed with a life changing auto immune disease, suffered from job loss, parent with cancer, DH with depression so severe he was sectioned for 6 weeks. And yet all of those things that happened later in life felt easier to deal with - i think from having such a traumatic childhood and surviving it, I knew I was going to be ok.

Runningoutofpatiencefucksandmoney · 07/04/2025 21:02

So so sorry for your losses @BadTitan and @Meeatcheese 😞

CherryBlossomPie · 07/04/2025 21:09

Not sure if I thought I'd never recover but things that were horrific at the time - can't list them all as they are too outing but the main one I would say was witnessing my sibling being sectioned.

CloseYourMouthLynn · 07/04/2025 21:11

My brother died two years ago from cancer. I thought I had died with him and that the pain of grief would never end. It is still there but less raw, and I can think of him and smile through the sadness.

cocoloco23 · 07/04/2025 21:14

My childhood. I was suicidal at 12 and experienced suicidal ideation every day until my 30s.

I used to sit on my bedroom floor and cry so hard I couldn’t breathe properly. My depression was crippling and I never ever thought I’d be happy.

I’m now 50, with my dream job and a partner and friends who make me feel loved. I value myself and I know how to take care of myself. I’m so proud of how far I’ve come.

CloseYourMouthLynn · 07/04/2025 21:19

Also my first proper heartbreak in my 20s after he cheated. Went into a cycle of not feeling good enough. Although it led me to meet and appreciate my genuinely lovely DH a million times more because of it.

Elsvieta · 07/04/2025 21:33

Unrequited love. Took 6/7 years though.

Icyboy · 07/04/2025 21:34

Astrak · 06/04/2025 13:11

My father having a heart attack when I was ten years old. He was fifty-two years old. I'm now seventy nine years old.

I had just started at a grammar school, which was twenty miles away from my home. I was called out of an art class and told to go to the Head Teacher's office. She was propping up the mantelpiece in her office and had a large glass of sherry in her hand. She said, " You'd better go home. Your father's dropped dead, and your mother wants you at home."

I walked two miles to the bus stop, waited an hour for the bus, and then sat on it for another hour. I got home. Mother told me to go and change and to go out on my pony. Whilst I was doing that, I heard the undertakers bumping my father's coffin downstairs. I went for a long ride and came back. He was never spoken about ever again.
I have inherited his clever mind, a degree of courage (he was a Tail-end Charlie in Lancaster bombers in WW2) and a determination to carry on when things get difficult.
I think of him whenever I see aircraft contrails in the sky.

My God this breaks my heart that a child would ever have to go through this.

halfpastten · 07/04/2025 21:35

DH dying. He made me whole. It's been 9 years and I realise I will never recover. It's a half life. There's no choice but to move, forward not on. I feel joy every day, from nature, sunlight, my dog, my DCs when I see them. I have friends but not that soul connection. Blessed to have had it, not everyone does.

FvhgvgghhNC · 07/04/2025 21:41

Agoraphobia. I was so bad that I couldn’t even open my front door without having severe panic attacks and I honestly thought I would never leave my house again.
It has been a very long journey (years) to recovery, but I have recovered.

Rhaenys · 07/04/2025 22:18

I had an illness that meant I wasn’t able to eat for months. I really thought I’d never be able to eat properly again, but once I turned a corner, it was only a further month until I was back to normal.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/04/2025 23:00

Ggll · 06/04/2025 12:34

Mine… a termination in my early thirties at five weeks. Absolutely devastated me. It genuinely felt like the world had switched its lights off and nothing would feel ok again. And to some extent it didn’t feel the same again, I was different, but I was still ok. I laughed again and was happy.

Later in life my child’s father left me while o was pregnant due to a breakdown. It was truly a horrendous time. He now sees our DD and things are very different again but at the time I did not see how I could put one foot in front of the other.

I think these things are really powerful to remember when hard times arrive.

Omg are you me op.
My two things that came to mind were

early termination of unplanned pregnancy with an ex that I wasn't with at the time, I wanted to be a mum so much but just not in those circumstances. Also 5 weeks and early 30s.

my finance leaving me at 8 months pregnant.

We should hang out! X

Season0fthesticks · 07/04/2025 23:01

My uncle, my mother in law and my granny all passed away within 10 weeks of each other last year. It has been rough.

I was SA'd as a child. Abandoned by my dad and like a pp, I always wonder why he didn't love me enough to stay. SA'd again as an adult in an abusive relationship. He has just done it to someone else so finally it's going to court.

I'm mentally exhausted. I haven't been happy in a long time. Life really does suck

Yorkshirelass04 · 07/04/2025 23:01

halfpastten · 07/04/2025 21:35

DH dying. He made me whole. It's been 9 years and I realise I will never recover. It's a half life. There's no choice but to move, forward not on. I feel joy every day, from nature, sunlight, my dog, my DCs when I see them. I have friends but not that soul connection. Blessed to have had it, not everyone does.

I'm so sorry about your loss. Hugs. I often look at my husband and wonder how I would cope without him. In so scared that the day could come.

Theroadnottravelled · 07/04/2025 23:01

These are all heartbreaking. People go through so much and are so tough. I’m having an awful time at the moment. I’ve just been terminated at work, no real warning and now I’ve let everyone down - my DH, my small kids. So I’m looking at a career change or something (anything) different job wise because I’m left feeling so broken and anxious with no confidence. I’d love to see the brightness on the other side of this - I’m not eating or sleeping much. Thanks Mumsnet - other people stories inspire us.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/04/2025 23:02

cocoloco23 · 07/04/2025 21:14

My childhood. I was suicidal at 12 and experienced suicidal ideation every day until my 30s.

I used to sit on my bedroom floor and cry so hard I couldn’t breathe properly. My depression was crippling and I never ever thought I’d be happy.

I’m now 50, with my dream job and a partner and friends who make me feel loved. I value myself and I know how to take care of myself. I’m so proud of how far I’ve come.

How did you pull through and get better?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/04/2025 23:04

Santina · 07/04/2025 19:40

Finding my sister embracing my fiance when I was much younger. I cancelled the wedding, cancelled the dress being made, cancelled the cake. Now haven't spoken to her for about 20 years.

Awful!! What happened did they become a couple?

Theroadnottravelled · 07/04/2025 23:05

060425nc · 06/04/2025 14:02

What an inspiring thread …

I had a horrendous time in my 30s. I made an (admittedly bad) mistake at work. I was ‘allowed’ to resign but really it was more like a dismissal. A week later my dad died suddenly.

The next two years were awful; working ad hoc through an agency (nothing like my previously successful career) and I injured myself badly too, but had to keep working as obviously no sick pay. I did manage to get another job but it was still nothing like life previously and I hated it, hated life, became very overweight, withdrawn and depressed. Finally got a new job, fresh start at the start of 2020 only to lose it four weeks later. I honestly felt sick. Got a maternity cover which was awful and I remember once going into work on the train and cried and cried.

Then I met someone at the start of lockdown … somehow five years on I have a new job, and have been there four years, two lovely children and a lovely home.

I still can’t believe it.

I still miss my dad, though.

I could have written this. Very similar experience and I’m still in it. You helped me - thank you.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/04/2025 23:07

TheHangrySwan · 06/04/2025 19:50

I was sexually abused by my brother when I was a child. That led to some not great decisions as a teen/young adult. I made the mistake of telling my violent boyfriend about the abuse I’d suffered as a child. The violence increased and he repeatedly told me I should have stopped my brother so it was my own fault. Eventually got away from him but it took me another 20 years and a fuck load of therapy before I told anyone else. I wonder what my life would have been like if things had been different.

It was NOT YOUR FAULT either times

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/04/2025 23:08

LoudPlumDog · 06/04/2025 15:47

My daughter aged 21 years passed away suddenly 5 months ago today in fact! At the time I never would have thought I would get this far past that horrible horrible day.

I'm so sorry

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/04/2025 23:08

Suns1nE · 06/04/2025 13:58

Finding out my ex was a paedo who had been abusing my child.

Horrific I hope your child is safe and healing now and so are you