Things in life you never thought you would recover and move on from, but you did…

[Ggll]

Mine… a termination in my early thirties at five weeks. Absolutely devastated me. It genuinely felt like the world had switched its lights off and nothing would feel ok again. And to some extent it didn’t feel the same again, I was different, but I was still ok. I laughed again and was happy.

Later in life my child’s father left me while o was pregnant due to a breakdown. It was truly a horrendous time. He now sees our DD and things are very different again but at the time I did not see how I could put one foot in front of the other.

I think these things are really powerful to remember when hard times arrive.

No, she was jealous because she wanted to be the first to get married. Once she did marry, she then went on to have an affair with a married man too, her husband's friend. Not my kind of person.

I'm really trying all avenues to do this, but it's not guaranteed and extremely expensive and time-consuming. Truly consuming my life at the moment and people who claimed to be able to help just take money and disappear 😭 I just can't see the wood for the trees at the moment and the longer it goes on the less she is able to qualify for the championships she had the opportunity to qualify for as there are deadlines. It's a complete mess and all stemmed from me doing something that was completely unnecessary and stupid and that no one asked me to do.

A LOT of therapy. Medication. Finding my passion.

It took a lot of hard work from me, but I also consider myself very lucky that I had a friend who told me I needed help and took me to a doctor, and that I found the thing I’m most passionate about. I used to wake up every morning and wonder what the point of me was - now I know.

A miscarriage of a much longed for second baby. We discovered at a scan that the baby had no heartbeat, I opted for medical management which was harrowing and didn't work completely so I also had to go through surgery. A process that happens to hundreds of women every day but so hard. Extremely fortunate to have now completed our family but will always wonder what if.

My mother's suicide. I was an adult when it happened, and there seem to be lots of resources for supporting children who have been bereaved by parental suicide but not for adults. I felt horrific guilt, that I had let her down. I felt so alone. I had an 18 month old at the time, my first baby, and I knew i had taken my focus off mum at a time her life had been getting progressively harder; I knew that I could have done more. I felt like I would never get past those feelings. I couldn't even grieve properly because the guilt was so enormous and horizon-filling.

The process of getting beyond the guilt, facing the loss and grieving was huge and agonising. Through it I realised some long suppressed feelings of abandonment that lay in my early childhood, when my mum had left me and my sister with our alcoholic father to be with her lover, which had been reignited by her suicide. I went so deep into a pain I hadn't ever acknowledged.

I also developed binge-eating disorder (or rather, a long term binge-eating tendency intensified) to cope with the emotional pain. I am still dealing with the physical consequences of that even though I have now made so much progress emotionally.

The main gain from all this is enormous empathy with the bereaved. No-one in my life who loses someone now ever has to feel alone. I push past my insecurities and step forward towards them, offer space and kindness and love even when I'm not certain I will get it right - having been on the other side, I know that while there is nothing anyone can really do, the fact they care enough to try can make you feel much better in the moment.

I have a friend who was bereaved of her baby boy, and I look at her in awe every day of my life. Even to survive such pain and to be able to put one foot in front of the other is superhuman, but she does so much more - she is a compassionate doctor, a wonderful supportive friend, and the most loving mother to her other children. She supports a charity for similarly bereaved parents, and the love for the child she lost shines like a light, never a shadow, in every aspect of her life.

People are amazing.

A forced termination when I was 18 (second trimester). I’ve posted about it before I told all professionals involved at every stage I was being forced and that I didn’t want to, I asked them to call the police and social services to help me instead I was just forced into it in a barbaric way. It was 25 years ago. Even the referral was illegal (stated the gp wanted me considered for termination but that I wanted to continue and then consultants notes later on repeated that but said my mother insisted it went ahead and so it did) . I was being abused and even told then she locked me in only allowing me out to appointments for the termination. I’ve had extensive therapy which is still ongoing. I look back and I don’t know where I got the strength from to carry on at that point.

I am so very sorry for your huge loss. Hoping that posting on here to share it will help in some way. Sending hug. xx

How cruel people can be. Your story is horrific. I hope you are in a much better place now, and thriving. 💐

There should be a hug emoji on here for each and every one of you, I've been in tears both reading the first posts and then catching up on these. 🤗
It's amazing how we can hit the worst time of our lives, where everything seems pointless, to moving forward and then looking back and wondering what got us through. And we will and we do.
It's not about whose experience is the worst, it's about how it affects us individually.
Group hug for us all 🤗

My X packing to go back offshore to work. I passed him on the stairs and he said " that's me all packed and ready to go and by the way, I won't be back. ". He picked up. His bag ,got in the car. And apart from my Daughter's wedding I haven't seen or heard from him since.

That was on 1982.

Thankyou for your post. Just googled cassandra syndrome as didn't know what it was.

Now I can label the trauma I've gone through with my ex-husband.

Sorry you have also experienced this too.

Whilst every single post on here is awful and horrific, the level of support and compassion from everybody here is fantastic, and nobody is judging anybody. So good to see that there are still so many lovely people about. Flowers 💐 and unmumsnetty hugs for all of you

Finding out that my mum had been sexually abused by her uncle between the ages of 7 and 10. She's finally getting specialised counselling at the age of 80; the horrible thing about abuse is that it makes people think they're not worth helping.

Being kicked out of my dp house with my 18 month old son as he chose his family instead of us

we co parent well now
but I’m still conflicted being loyal to him and not moving on even though we aren’t together

Being pregnant whilst coping with an 8 year old, an unreliable partner who used to drink and get nasty (now been sober for 23 years), doing a university degree and my mum being diagnosed with cancer all at the same time. You look back and wonder how you kept all the plates spinning, but you do. There is more in you than you think x

Just so unbelievably heartbrokenafter my first LTR ended; we had been together 3 years and I thought the world had ended. Sobbed my heart out for days, but.then realised.what a cheating bastard he had been.

Pulled myself together, got a job abroad where I met my DH, married him, had two DC and were blissfully happy for 49 years until he died (7 years ago).

Oh I’m so sorry to hear this. I feel bad enough if I get the time of a swimming lesson wrong or something. So I can imagine how you must feel. Hope you get it sorted.

I had a TFMR at 19 weeks with my daughter (first child). After a 50-hour labour, she was born alive and lived for just over four hours. That will never leave me. Later that same year, I had another TFMR at 14 weeks. Luckily, that wasn’t as traumatic. I then discovered I have a genetic disorder meaning it would likely keep happening without intervention. I kept blaming myself and almost pushed my husband away.
After counselling, IVF with genetic testing and a lot of emotions, we have our healthy DS and I no longer cry every day. I do still think about my first two babies every day but I can talk about it now.

I had severe PND and psychosis during the first lockdown which I was hospitalised for. It was a horrible, awful time and I didn’t think I would survive. I’m a completely different person now and love my life.

My fiance shagging a woman at work because he felt inferior and stressed (I was going through infertility testing) Finding that out. Then discovering every single one of my friends and my cousin already knew. My best friend since primary school hadn’t even told me, that hurt the most.

Lost everyone. Will never trust anyone again.

Tumour on my pancreas 14 years ago

Burying my baby (still born) and my mum dying very suddenly. I’ve survived them, both changed me and my outlook on life.

Coming home from my wedding make up trial 2 weeks before our wedding to find a note saying he couldn’t go through with it. He’d packed his clothes and gone.
Lising my dad to cancer 4 years ago. 😭

This has touched me so much, I hope that life has treated you kindly.