Father of the child and his family forcing me into getting an abortion

[OneAquaShaker]

A bit of back story, me and the father met in December so I know in terms of timing it is unconventional and not how I planned on becoming pregnant. We were in a relationship together and found out I was pregnant at the end of February when we found out me and the father were both over the moon and he asked me not to get an abortion. Up until the 8 week mark we have been discussing our future together and how excited we are to be parents. Fast forward to last Saturday the conversation came up to why I decided to come off the depo injection this time last year and I was honest and said its because at the time I was in a long term relationship where we both thought pregnancy was our next step but ultimately it didn't work out as he was abusive. From then the father and his family have made claims that I've baby trapped him and all I wanted out of him was to get pregnant. This is not the case I made the father aware when we first met I wasn't on contraception and he made no effort to protect himself, they've also claimed im unfit to be a mum as me and my family went over to his house to have a conversation about the situation and once we got there, I was shouted at and blamed by his parents and due to being shouted at I got upset and cried, his step dad then made a comment about how if this situation is stressing me am I sure im fit to raise a baby, they also tried to claim that I didn't tell the father I wasn't on contraception which isn't true, at no point have I said to the father that he needs to stick around I have asked him if he will be there to support me and the baby and he has made it clear he wants nothing to do with me and that I'm ruining his life and I needed to pick whether I wanted him or the baby and has told me I need to abort the baby multiple times, I have made it clear to him what my views on abortion are and told him it's my reproductive right to have this baby and its down to him if he's going to step up and be a father. I've been told I'm delusional and that I'm a manipulator and I'm abusing him. It's also come to my attention that one of his friends told him to try and convince me its my ex's child and not his so he can walk away with no ties to the baby. Am I being unfair to not have an abortion after originally being told to keep my pregnancy by the father and him being excited about and then changing his mind?

OP I think the reason you're getting a hard time on here is because you're coming across as very immature. You and your ex didn't bother with contraception and you've only known each other a very short time.

I've terminated an unplanned pregnancy and I've also raised 3DC so I can see both sides. What I haven't done is raise a child on my own while being dependent on my parents for practical, emotional and financial support. That will be tough for all concerned and I think you need to be realistic about that.

Could you cope if your DC has a disability or health problem which means they need additional long-term care? This is the case with one of my DC. You need to go into this with your eyes open. They are not cute babies for very long.

I don't think you have a clue what it's like to have a baby. Having a child is the most selfish thing you can do, it's not something to take lightly. They don't ask to be born. Think long & hard about what it will be like for your child, not you. It was unbelievably silly not to use contraception.

I can forsee problems down the line when your ex & family suddenly want to be involved. It could get very messy & who will be caught in the cross fire? Your child.

But ultimately it is your choice. Good luck.

Also your age isn't a problem. I had my ds1 shortly after my 24th birthday (I was married at the time). If anything, I’m happy I had my children in my twenties.

So you did get pregnant deliberately.

Honestly OP it sounds like you know what you are doing. You have support You are working. You will probably be an awesome mummy. I became a mum at 21 and was alone and unsupported but nevertheless I worked hard, went to uni, got a career and have an amazing son.
Do it. I’d honestly just cut this people off completely. Block their numbers. And on any social media. Walk away with your child. It’s your body and your life. I wish you all the best!

To be fair, if people in their 20s are having unprotected sex, the outcome is usually a pregnancy.

I also am Pro life. Biggest crime of the century on mumsnet but I think you'll be fine especially with your family to help. Your parents sound fantastic. Keep the baby and lose contact with this pig of a man.

And what kind of life can you offer a baby? Do you have your own home? Work? Security?

It’s your decision at the end of the day, but at 24 I wouldn’t want my daughter to be getting involved in this complicated situation at such a young age.
Being really honest given what you’ve said about having an abusive ex partner, I think you sound very vulnerable. Consider if this is the life you want, deep down. Or would a termination and some counselling be the way forward and in the future you can have a baby in a more stable environment.

Oh FGS. Missing a train is an unfortunate event, getting pregnant when you can’t follow a thought from one end to another and without a care for the baby or father is a damn sight more serious.

And as a parent you don’t have rights, you start with responsibilities. Your poor bloody child - I think his family are right to be horrified.

Agree with this 100%. Some of the replies to OP have been horribly patronising, simply because she doesn't write her replies like she's swallowed a thesaurus. Twenty-four is not too young to have a baby and while the circumstances surrounding the conception aren't great, OP sounds like she has a stable enough career and a great support network in place to raise her child.

Naive?!?!?

You were having unprotected sex and got pregnant! It's the basics of how babies are made.

Unprotected sex = deliberate pregnancy.

You need to remember that keeping this baby will connect you to this awful family for life. Are you prepared for that? Are you prepared if they want 50/50 custody?

You hardly know this guy.

She's means unfortunate in that the father of the baby has U-turned on wanting it.

@OneAquaShaker congratulations on your pregnancy. It sounds like your baby will be surrounded by love.

All these posters giving you a hard time… they clearly have led perfect lives and never put a foot wrong.

Absolutely block the father and his family… you do not need that stress. Absolutely file for child support when the baby comes along…he shouldn’t get to walk away from his responsibility. As you have mentioned multiple times… he should have used protection if he didn’t want to risk pregnancy.

It sounds like you and your family will be able to provide a lovely life for your baby, whether he steps up or not. Good luck!

That's exactly what I mean thank you

If this is real I can see the parents’ side. You’ve been very daft. You clearly wanted to get pregnant, you’ve taken no steps to protect yourself. You’ve got a child with no father, you’re not financially secure enough to provide the baby a home yourself, and now your parents after decades of raising you are going to have a baby in the house. Do you think you sound mature enough to have a child? The decision is entirely yours, don’t be persuaded by others, but id take a long hard think about how you got here, and what the future actually looks like for you and this baby.

Well just to add I don’t agree with the parents that it’s all your fault, of course it isn’t, you’ve both been stupid. They should be angry at you both, but I understand why they don’t want the baby, not that they get a say of course.

This. I'm shocked at the tone of some posters. Especially things like asking if she has learning difficulties essentially because she's not having an abortion.

You have clearly thought it all out and got some great support @OneAquaShaker so I wish you all the best with this pregnancy and encourage you to send him one final message that you're keeping the baby and then block him and all his family.

You've both been very silly and irresponsible. You'd been together a matter of weeks, you had no idea about each other. Have the baby if you think it's genuinely the right thing for you and for the baby, but don't expect it to be easy or for him to offer any support (financial or otherwise). He won't.

Maybe try reading OPs posts rather than asking her to go over all this again.

This sounds like a shit show.
You know you can’t work from
home and look after the baby at the same time?
How are you going to explain to the baby its father wants nothing to do with it ?
poor kid.

Coming from another angle, having future relationships as a single parent is not easy, blended families are full of potential issues, don’t really want to give up the possibility of finding a loving partner to settle down with then have children together? You are only young.

you were very careless not using contraception until you were in an established relationship, you say you have had a previous abusive relationship, please get counselling because you deserve better, you need to respect yourself and I’m concerned having a baby will constrain you

Poor bloody child? Having a mum and grandparents who love them, a mum with a decent job, lots of support? Does this mean babies should only be born if the dad wants them? Interesting take - and would mean many of us wouldn't be here!

You seriously chose to get pregnant with a man you had only known two months? I really struggle to understand why anyone would do that. You must have known you risked the baby being brought up without a father.