Would you be upset if your child's teacher told the class her mum had died?

[MonBlu]

She left a couple of weeks ago because her mum was sick and there was a sub since. Now she's back and told the kids that her mum died. It seems very young for them to have to think about mums dying. They're Year 4 / 5.

When DD was in Y6 in a mixed Y5/6 primary class (tiny rural school) one of the Y5 boys died, quite unexpectedly. She was sad, of course, and needed reassurance that it wasn’t going to immediately happen to her (or me) though she was old enough to realise that this boy wouldn’t have thought it was going to happen to him either. Ultimately she coped and I’m sure it made her more resilient to have worked through those feelings.

It's fine. I'd also be on the class WhatsApp to see if we could organise a whip round for a bunch of flowers or appropriate sympathy gift for her.

Surely they have heard of death and dying by year 4/5!

I'm not a believer in hiding real life from children within reason. I think sometimes we're over-protecting children these days and that's why they struggle to adapt as they get older.

I’ve had Yr1 and Yr2’s ask me about my family and I told them my mum had died because ….. she had! They didn’t seem traumatised, just interested. We also had a Yr2 child who’s dad died.
My mum died when my eldest was 5, so I had no choice but to tell them 🤷🏻‍♀️

I read that at age 4/5 and thought probably teacher didn’t have to mention it but year 4/5 not at all inappropriate!

Without being goadie and from a point of wanting to know your solution, what would you tell your child if, God forbid, a close member of your family died? And how do you think they process that the people they study in history lessons all died, and that the queen died and the new reports deaths every day?

It’s completely fine for the students to know.

I assume she wasn’t sobbing and wailing on the floor or giving a detailed and gory account of the death? From the children’s perspective someone “old” who they don’t know has died. It’s just a fact of life. They probably aren’t going to equate with their own parent dying as the teacher is much older than them.

So the teacher shoukd be a robot because you can't be arsed to talk to your child for 10 minutes about the concept of death

Not too young to be told IMO.

Many years ago when DS2 was around eight he breezily informed me that the class was told that Miss D, who was on sick leave, was dying and that each of them could write her a little note if they wished.

DS said that he wrote that he was sorry she was dying and thank you for being a nice teacher and added a drawing of her with a smiling face.

Aged 9-10? By then I’d lost all my grandparents, my next door neighbour who was like adopted family, a great aunt, and two friends at school (one close, one less so). You are unusually lucky to think that by this age kids wouldn’t have encountered death.

Would you preferred the teacher lied to them and contributed to the taboo around death?

Over 100 kids are bereaved of a parent every day in the U.K., and by age 16 1:20 are bereaved of a parent. harrysrainbow.co.uk/national-stats/#:~:text=By%20the%20age%20of%2016,of%20a%20parent%20every%20day.

No…are they 9/10?? If so, surely they know people die?

I remember this lovely story https://her.ie/life/teacher-receives-sweetest-message-boy-class-dog-gets-put-sleep-390136

Also, have you organised a collection? This is an important lesson for your child to learn about empathy and kindness to fellow human beings

I think this it's ultimately what it comes down to for me.

I'd be in no way upset about this. What I would be doing, as other posters have mentioned, is be having a whip round to get the teacher some flowers.

Death is part of life and it's incredibly important that children are aware of this, in an age appropriate way. There are some families - say for example, where the parents are medics, funeral directors, clergy etc. where death is part of their daily lives. In my experience, their children are aware of death and have been brought up to know from a young age that although it is certainly upsetting, it is part of life.

Definitely not. I’d buy a card for her from me and dc.
It’s good that children are aware of such things and aware that certain etiquettes and traditions can bring comfort to those grieving.

How dare a teacher be a PERSON, who struggles and grieves and has a life outside the classroom. They should just be teachbots who calibrate their entire lives so as not to disturb the emotional balance of their pwecious little charges.

Of course a teacher should be able to say that. It would be fine at any age. Many children will have experienced bereavement in their own families. Children need to hear death talked about more, not less.

No, children in the class will have lost parents & grandparents. Children need to learn about the cycle of life. How else will they learn?
I think Most parents would use this as an opportunity to talk about people losing loved ones and how it might feel.
is there a particular reason why you are triggered by this? I think it might be you projecting and not wanting to talk about death.

Oh! I'm another who misread the OP as children AGED 4-5yrs.

In that case I think the teacher is making herself potentially quite vulnerable because unless 9-10yos are nicer and more mature than when I went to school there is a risk of inappropriate reactions and cruel jokes at her expense.

Imagine these being the considerations you have to make at work after your mum's just died. And still trusting the kids to tell them the truth.

I remember being around that age when our teacher came into the room looking tearful after afternoon break because John Lennon had been killed.

My mum died when I was ten. My entire class (thirty five children) were at the funeral and they provided a guard of honour when my mum’s hearse was driven out of the church grounds. This is Ireland though, I know things are very different in the UK.

Death is a part of life unfortunately. You can't protect children from it forever. It's better to be open about discussing it. She isnt just a teacher shes a person who has lost her mother which is so very difficult. I had to introduce my son to the concept of death far younger than I would have liked but it was unavoidable.

How do you know these children haven’t been through bereavements and lost people close to them? They’re ten years old. As PP have said, I hope there’s a collection for a condolences card at least.

FGS teachers can't do right for doing wrong can they? A bereaved woman and your first reaction is to complain. Parents like you are a reason that teachers are in such short supply.