To be upset DS is going to double barrel his surname when he gets married?

[MsArgent]

DS is due to marry his girlfriend soon and they have recently announced they’re going to double barrel. I am not against double barrelled surnames and I do of course understand that it’s 2025 and more of a modern concept to keep it “fair”. However it’s truly just too long. Her surname is really quite long, along the lines of Williamson and we have a 2 syllable 8 letter one! I have asked him what he wants and he said originally he didn’t consider it and did think it would just be his surname, until she spoke up about what she wanted and he was open to it and said yes. I asked if he responded to it at all and questioned the practicality and he just says no he didn’t because it’s not a big deal. I think he is completely undermining how much of a burden having to keep repeating and spelling the double barrelled names will be, especially as they are hoping for children one day. I get it’s his life but what is the general opinion on this? I am curious if he would change his mind when realising what people will actually be thinking behind his back. Grandparents are horrified but I have tried to explain it’s more usual nowadays and DH doesn’t like it at all but hasn’t said anything yet

Sadly I think she already is. It’s the second thread this weekend where women are behaving bizarrely over sons who are getting married/living with their girlfriends, I genuinely don’t understand it.

It's a hard one isn't it? I don't want the patriarchal associations that go with a girl dropping her name either, but it's the practical aspect. What happens when double-barrelled kids marry? Do we get a quadruple-barrelled name? What about genealogy and records?

The PP who said about taking the name of someone who wouldn't get custody if they broke up - wow that was an acerbic read, but they did have a point!

Maybe it should be marked that in the year.... the tradition changed and the female name was preserved, and we'll do that for a couple of thousand years instead.

And what does a woman taking a man's name scream?

Oh mummy dear mummy, don’t allow yourself to get on this meddling train of “I asked “him” what he wanted “ believing yourself to be the guide for your son in his marriage. There’s a new queen in his life. Let them figure out their lives together. Only give your input and your opinions on their lives and their choices when asked for your opinion. I say this with kindness: make the decision now that you will stand aside and let them grow their marriage without your unsolicited input.

OP, who are all these ‘people’ who will be ‘thinking about it behind his back’??

Come on now! 🤣 It’s only you (and his grandparents apparently)! Nobody else will give a flying fuck! Get a grip.

I'm trying to help you think through your thoughts using gentle questioning. It might help you to arrive at an understanding that you're being ridiculous.

Have a look at the polling for this thread, and then consider re-evaluating whether your opinion is what "most people" think.

It's very clear that you want him to keep your surname and for her to give up hers. Apparently them doing the reverse wouldn't be "fair". Just own it OP. The length is irrelevant. You think she needs to fall into line and he should be in charge.

tHe aBiLiTy oF fUtUrE gEnErAtIoNs tO tRaCe HiStOrY iS rIdIcUlOuSlY hAmPeReD bY SeLf rEgArDiNg iNdIvIdUaLiSm

Please keep this sort of thing coming, I’ve not had this much fun in forever, it’s helping me shake off the shackles of my family’s chaotic system.

See: Spain

Wtaf a post by a female that's anti female. Get a fg grip.

To be honest I very rarely have to read my name out for spelling. I have to fill it in online but mostly I use auto fill so I don’t even have to type it. I think it’s less of a problem in the internet age which is maybe why you have different views on it to your son.

It's longer to write out and harder to memorise for people. For me that was the most important factor. But then I'm not attached to my surname so it wasn't a problem. For someone attached to their surname I understand chosing to have double names.

In what way is it the height of chaviness?

They could blend the two names into a new name, would work well if both names are long.

I will talk about OP's son saying what a good job she did in raising a man who is with his time and respects his gf wish to keep her name as well. All the village will be talking about this progressive feminist man and OP might be invited on talk shows on how to raise a good man.

I guess we'll all just work it out without too much hand-wringing. Thank God for the human brain and its ability to think through what to do in various situations.

I agree. I know quite a few men who have gone double barrelled after marriage and no one cares.

I reckon because it's common folk copying their upper class betters. Either that or it implies parents aren't married (to a certain dim demographic) and parents not being married is associated by that same dim demographic with being lower class and therefore 'chavvy'

The concept is "fine" because it's personal to the couple involved, doesn't disadvantage anyone, doesn't affect anyone else and doesn't prevent future generations from using whatever name they might choose. It's completely of no consequence to anyone other than the couple in question, who have made the choice.

I'll admit I actually chuckled a bit at the concern over "the ability of future generations to trace history". Honestly.

It’s just easier to keep your own names.

Blending them? Oh no. That might produce a lot of laughs at the possibilities. If you are attached to a family name, keep it for yourself. It’s well past double barreling now. Done to death and it’s definitely a class thing.

Spain is very much in the Western world.

Totally wrong. We have been married nearly 30 years. Both kept our own surnames and double barrelled for DT’s to honour both families. I can’t imagine why you would cut one side of the family out of your DC’s history.

My DSis and DSil have done the same as have many friends.

It's really none of you business and i'd be irritated by my family sticking their nose in, if it were me ....

From Wikipedia

Traditionally, the father’s surname is placed first, but since 1999, Spanish law allows parents to choose the order of their children’s surnames, provided they agree on the arrangement. Once established, this order must be consistent for all their children.

Spanish parents can choose which surname to pass to their child. Your preoccupation with family trees is bizarre. Do you think in the age of the internet that genealogists really won't be able to cope with non traditional naming conventions?