Drunken argument with DH - revealed he has pleasured himself to photos of my friend

[Hilly25]

I had a night out with my DH last night, our DC were with grandparents so a very rare occasion to let our hair down. We’ve had a challenging 2/3 years in our relationship for various reasons, and our sex life has really suffered with it becoming less regular.

What started as a nice night with food etc turned into a slagging match with shouting and swearing at 1am this morning when we got home - both of us had far too much to drink.

I am not proud of certain comments I made - basically blamed him for our sex life and said he’s a lazy lover. He took offence to this and told me that I can’t talk as I’m a lazy lover ‘and that’s why I have to wank to photos of X’ (my best friend). I told him I didn’t believe him and he went on his phone and found screenshots he’d taken on social media of my friend, some of which were cropped from group photos.

I went ballistic and told him not to talk to me and to sleep downstairs on the sofa. This morning, he is claiming not to remember the details of our argument as he was too drunk and has denied what he said and showed me.

Our DC are back home with us now and I don’t want to cause a scene but I am still furious and feel utterly disgusted.

Can you ever see a relationship coming back from this?

He only did it once.... yeah right. That is why he has not one, but several pictures of her that he wanks over. 'only did it once' my arse! He's still not being honest.

This, totally all of this!

People do a lot of wacky things in private and the heat of the moment. His only crime is being stupid enough to dump his silly side out in public to you rather than keep it in his head but that’s enough to end it in my opinion. You deserve better.

I'm having huge problems with my DH over a number of things and one major one is him having pictures on his phone of my sister from her Instagram account. Huge red flag.🚩

Oh for God's sake. 🙄

He's shown you who he is. Believe him. Personally, I would not ever be able to trust him ever again.
Perhaps consider making an appointment with a solicitor?

Well, i don't think what he did is that bad, drunken row, following on from a rocky patch and little to no sex.

Loads of people have fantasies, inc about their partners friends... he verbalised this, that was just plan stupid but its not cheating.

Whether the relationship is salvageable is down to being able to sort out the reasons for the arguments and the issues over the last 2 or 3 years or not

You’re as bad as each other.

I don't think many men look at photos of their wives when masturbating so I think he's lying there, for a start!
Unlike many others, I don't actually think it's that bad that he fancies your mate or even that he had a wank over her. We all have fantasies and can't help who we're attracted to. Getting photos of her and cropping out other people is taking it too far though!
Despite this business your marriage seems like it's in a really bad place anyway. The fact that you had a rare date and ended up yelling and insulting each other is a very, very bad sign.

He is lying. He definitely had a wank with her in mind long before he decided to use the photo.

He already commented on her bottom.

I wouldn't be torn, I'd be angry, this is his fault, he caused this.

Ask your friend has she ever felt uncomfortable around him. I bet she has felt his pervy gaze.

Your sex life is probably unadventurous from porn. A man who uses him wife's friend photo is use to pleasuring himself using images

Is that really true re. first cousins? I only ask because it's legal in the UK to marry your first cousin. I'd have thought it wouldn't be legal if that was true. I had a boyfriend whose parents were first cousins, and he and his sister were fine.

I grew up with my cousins so the idea of marrying one is 🤮. I don't know why anyone would WANT to marry a cousin, but the law says it's legal. I think it's very rare to marry your first cousin though. For most people it gives the major ick. I suppose the law dates from the days when families tried to keep the land within the family. Perhaps it needs updating.

I agree, sorry.

You can come back from (almost) anything if you both work at it, but go in with your eyes fully open that it's a new world now. His "next morning excuse" - make no mistake - is BS. He fancies your friend, and he masturbates about her. You either accept it and ensure that no boundaries between them have been crossed (I'd make clear you want to see messages, and I'd probably ask her if you trust her) or you pretend that you believe him, but then it'll always remain unsaid and you'll never be sure about him and your friend(s) again.

If you want to continue your marriage, you need to both work very hard on your connection, and he needs to absolutely grovel about being so utterly callous and cruel to rub this in your face. If he's not utterly ashamed, then there probably is no going back. I really feel for you OP, what a horrible, head-f*ing thing to do to you.

@ThisFluentBiscuit It is not unusual at all in certain cultures and unfortunately has a horrendous impact on many of the children who are left living with serious disabilities.

It costs the NHS £100,000, there has been calls to ban marriages between cousins but it is a sensitive subject.

‘Showed phone and found screenshots he’d taken on social media of my friend, some of which were cropped from group photos’

• If it was a one off wank why has he kept multiple pictures of her on his phone
• If he was only looking at her body, I’m assuming these screenshots were just zoomed in on her body then?

He’s minimising like bilio. I’m sorry Op, this must feel proper shit.

He's lying and not very well. He went to her social media and saved/cropped photos, that's what he told you initially.

He's pathetic and takes you for a fool.

You will constantly have this in the back of your mind.

How can you forget this or have your friend over and not be thinking of this?

No. Just no.

Awww a manipulative arsehole as well as a creepy pervert.

I knew he would be “broken” at some point.
typical

Yes it can cause many genetic disorders/mutations and significantly increases the chances. Especially when the practise is passed down generations.

Dispatches-When cousins marry is a good watch. It’s very common in Arab countries and Pakistan.

Norway has recently banned cousin marriages, hopefully the UK follows suit! www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c241pn09qqjo.amp

How old are you both? And that’s icky.

Both in our 40's, it's progressed that I've told him I can't see us being together anymore. The trust has gone and he's giving me major ick.
He's now resorted in making my life difficult regarding finances. But onwards and upwards.