Drunken argument with DH - revealed he has pleasured himself to photos of my friend

[Hilly25]

I had a night out with my DH last night, our DC were with grandparents so a very rare occasion to let our hair down. We’ve had a challenging 2/3 years in our relationship for various reasons, and our sex life has really suffered with it becoming less regular.

What started as a nice night with food etc turned into a slagging match with shouting and swearing at 1am this morning when we got home - both of us had far too much to drink.

I am not proud of certain comments I made - basically blamed him for our sex life and said he’s a lazy lover. He took offence to this and told me that I can’t talk as I’m a lazy lover ‘and that’s why I have to wank to photos of X’ (my best friend). I told him I didn’t believe him and he went on his phone and found screenshots he’d taken on social media of my friend, some of which were cropped from group photos.

I went ballistic and told him not to talk to me and to sleep downstairs on the sofa. This morning, he is claiming not to remember the details of our argument as he was too drunk and has denied what he said and showed me.

Our DC are back home with us now and I don’t want to cause a scene but I am still furious and feel utterly disgusted.

Can you ever see a relationship coming back from this?

Some men apparently have no moral compass. They see every woman as fair game when it comes to sexualising them.

And I agree with the pp that he must really get a kick out of knowing she is your friend and as well using her for his sexual.gratification he also thinks he's really getting one over on you personally.

I honestly don't see the point in trying to continue this marriage.

Thank you. I perhaps didn't word it well but my cousins are stunning but I don't think of them that way, as I don't think of my wife's friends, etc. You just don't go there, you can acknowledge they are pretty.

as I said I'm not close to many of my cousins...I have 51 first cousins!

plus I have to point out in several cultures, especially Pakistan Muslim it's usual to marry a cousin...so several people have been racists here but ok...

But it's the norm in many cultures especially among the Pakistani community...I was illustrating a point...but hay

I don't think so

Silly drunken argument up until he showed you pictures of your best friend on his phone that he masturbates to, yikes i don’t know how I’d get past that. He didn’t say it just to be hurtful he actually had evidence. Major ick behaviour.

I wouldn’t be able to get past this.

This. I'd be out. 50% for the thing and 50% for the 'amnesia'.

Fuck that shit.

When you’re in a hole … maybe stop digging?

No coming back from that. I’m sorry.

He’s getting a hard time because he’s a man and dared to post on MN.

It wouldn’t matter what he said, as you can see, despite how supportive he is of the OP. His post will be torn apart because he is a man. And men are bad don’t you know? 😂

Ah yes, the homogenous borg clone population that is men.

Not one of them varies from another.

Just the same person with different physical traits.

I mean, it's a shit thing to say, but a lot depends surely on how offensive the things you said first were. You've glossed over them rather and reported his in detail.

Well he's sleazy, inappropriate, extremely malicious, and lazy in bed so .....

He also has no fkg right whatsoever to take any woman who's not working in the sex industry's photos from online and use them for masturbation, let alone a woman who is acquainted with him and a friend of his partner's. It's a sort of invasion of privacy and also v creepy.

Your poor friend meeting him and being pleasant to him, while he knows he's downloaded her harmless social media photos, cropped her and masturbated over her, without her knowledge or permission. And photos that were posted with neutral/social/innocent intentions.

His convenient amnesia ..... It's actually equally unattractive, ridiculous and ick inducing that he thinks - after responding to apparently justified criticism about his attitude to sex with such extreme, off the deep end malice & attempts to devastate his partner (incidentally revealing he's an inappropriate creep) ..... he can then pretend he doesn't remember doing it. Yeah right.

I really don't think he said anything wrong. He's pointing out that men are capable of controlling themselves. A perfectly valid and welcome point.

100% this. I could not feel sexy or comfortable in front of a man like this.

I couldn't get past this. I'm not even a particularly jealous person, but no way would I have my nose rubbed in it like this.

If he was sober enough to hold his phone and find the photos he was sober enough to know what he was saying.

This is so fucking weird! Stalker level freaky. I could never ever see this weird man the same after this. He’s ruined your friendship too because you will feel weird around your friend now. Which is not your fault! But I would feel guilty and weird around her.

At least they’re not victim-blaming.

This.

My flunge would slam shut so loud, you would hear it in Slimbridge.

The fact of knowing he does it, whether or not he rubbed my nose in it, would be enough for me.

Yawn 🙄

I’m sure your Nigel is fantastic!

People say shit in arguments sometimes, especially when drunk. What’s unforgivable imo isn’t what he’s said but what he’s actually done.

I don’t think it matters what you said to him, exactly what he said to you etc - what matters is that in the course of this argument it’s come out that he’s been downloading pictures of your friend to wank over. That, in my view, rather than the argument, is what is relationship ending. It’s misogynistic, creepy as fuck and incredibly disrespectful to you and her!

What a spectacularly silly comment, even for MN.

Yawn 🙄

The dirty, disgusting bastard. I don't see how there's any coming back from that.

Not only is he selfish and lazy in bed with you, he's objectified your friend and wanked over her. Please do not tell her!! She doesn't deserve this!