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Original poster

Drunken argument with DH - revealed he has pleasured himself to photos of my friend

171 replies

Hilly25 · 05/04/2025 21:41

I had a night out with my DH last night, our DC were with grandparents so a very rare occasion to let our hair down. We’ve had a challenging 2/3 years in our relationship for various reasons, and our sex life has really suffered with it becoming less regular.

What started as a nice night with food etc turned into a slagging match with shouting and swearing at 1am this morning when we got home - both of us had far too much to drink.

I am not proud of certain comments I made - basically blamed him for our sex life and said he’s a lazy lover. He took offence to this and told me that I can’t talk as I’m a lazy lover ‘and that’s why I have to wank to photos of X’ (my best friend). I told him I didn’t believe him and he went on his phone and found screenshots he’d taken on social media of my friend, some of which were cropped from group photos.

I went ballistic and told him not to talk to me and to sleep downstairs on the sofa. This morning, he is claiming not to remember the details of our argument as he was too drunk and has denied what he said and showed me.

Our DC are back home with us now and I don’t want to cause a scene but I am still furious and feel utterly disgusted.

Can you ever see a relationship coming back from this?

OP posts:
mangosmoothie123 · 06/04/2025 00:55

Ew, what a vile creature

StrawberryDream24 · 06/04/2025 00:56

People say shit in arguments sometimes

This is particularly malicious and nasty though.

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/04/2025 00:57

The relationship is done.

AlinaRawlings · 06/04/2025 00:57

Hilly25 · 05/04/2025 21:41

I had a night out with my DH last night, our DC were with grandparents so a very rare occasion to let our hair down. We’ve had a challenging 2/3 years in our relationship for various reasons, and our sex life has really suffered with it becoming less regular.

What started as a nice night with food etc turned into a slagging match with shouting and swearing at 1am this morning when we got home - both of us had far too much to drink.

I am not proud of certain comments I made - basically blamed him for our sex life and said he’s a lazy lover. He took offence to this and told me that I can’t talk as I’m a lazy lover ‘and that’s why I have to wank to photos of X’ (my best friend). I told him I didn’t believe him and he went on his phone and found screenshots he’d taken on social media of my friend, some of which were cropped from group photos.

I went ballistic and told him not to talk to me and to sleep downstairs on the sofa. This morning, he is claiming not to remember the details of our argument as he was too drunk and has denied what he said and showed me.

Our DC are back home with us now and I don’t want to cause a scene but I am still furious and feel utterly disgusted.

Can you ever see a relationship coming back from this?

Wow, I am rarely speechless but this is one of the most degrading things I’ve ever heard! It’s so toxic and will cause so many issues going forward, it won’t be swept under the rug no matter how hard he tries. I really don’t think I could come back from this, I’m so sorry for the position you’re in x

EmeraldShamrock000 · 06/04/2025 01:07

That is unforgivable. A complete deal-breaker. Honestly if the sex is mundane and boring, find something that makes you feel great or go at life single.

I couldn't continue with the relationship.

He isn't the man for you.

KimberleyClark · 06/04/2025 01:11

It’s over. You deserve better.

Lampzade · 06/04/2025 01:23

Nottodaythankyou123 · 06/04/2025 00:52

People say shit in arguments sometimes, especially when drunk. What’s unforgivable imo isn’t what he’s said but what he’s actually done.

I don’t think it matters what you said to him, exactly what he said to you etc - what matters is that in the course of this argument it’s come out that he’s been downloading pictures of your friend to wank over. That, in my view, rather than the argument, is what is relationship ending. It’s misogynistic, creepy as fuck and incredibly disrespectful to you and her!

Exactly .
The fact that he went out of his way to crop photos of your bf is all a bit stalkerish tbh.
That type of behaviour would give me the creeps.
Grim

researchers3 · 06/04/2025 01:40

1457bloom · 05/04/2025 21:43

Silly drunken argument when stupid things were said,.

Seriously?

Tbrh · 06/04/2025 01:51

Beyond grim and I don't know how you'll come back from that, although you also said something cruel and derogatory to start the arguement so it's not surprising he tried to hurt you. Just unfortunate with what he retaliated with. I think the relationship is over.

WhyCantIGetItTogether · 06/04/2025 01:56

BluntLilacGuide · 05/04/2025 22:08

This thread is finishing me 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Had to “put barriers up” to not fuck your cousins

Fuck, the clowns are out tonight

Edited
Show quote history

Right! It just gets worse and worse.

Trousername · 06/04/2025 01:58

Justhere65 · 06/04/2025 00:08

When you’re in a hole … maybe stop digging?

Show quote history

He's not in any kind of hole. His comment was perfectly reasonable.

Empress13 · 06/04/2025 02:03

1457bloom · 05/04/2025 21:43

Silly drunken argument when stupid things were said,.

How on earth can she ever be in the same room as the pair of them again never mind having sex with him again!

JMSA · 06/04/2025 02:34

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, nothing good will ever come of a relationship where there’s no sex.
Obviously he’s disgusting but my point still stands.
Either split up or work through your sexual issues.

photostoogood · 06/04/2025 02:54

I couldn’t get past that, it’s too far imo. What a fucking creep.

Ohdearieme2025 · 06/04/2025 04:42

No. Of course not. It's over, it's just a question of how long you drag it out for.

He's a creepy, sleazy piece of shit. You know this now.

Believe me, please please believe me, whatever you have found it that is NOT the worst of it. It never, never is. And even if this was the only putrescently disgusting thing he had admitted to - that's enough.

Don't listen to the pickme desperados. Far better to be alone than know that you are with a sleazer.

And no sex or problems with sex is not, ever, an excuse for being a sleazy creeper. It is fine to end a relationship or discuss problems wth sex and to insist that those problems are addressd. And then, if that doesn't happen it is fine to leave.

It is never, ever an excuse to be a creepy, sleazy pos.

StubbornStool · 06/04/2025 05:07

Porn/mate/imsgination what’s the difference

mjf981 · 06/04/2025 05:26

I've read some grim things on here over the years...but this takes the biscuit. I'm so sorry OP I definitely couldn't come back from this. Wanking over pics of a model/porn star etc maybe, but using downloaded (!) pics of your best friend as a wank bank?!?!?!!! OMG 😧

arcticpandas · 06/04/2025 05:34

In short NO. Having an argument and sometimes saying something hurtful you don't really mean is one thing. This is something else. He's obsessed with your friend and the fact that he has taken photos from SM and cropped them out is so creepy that I'm speechless. I have no libido due to medication so I'm not interested in sex at all. My DH is disappointed but has never ever humiliated me or disrespected me for it.

Your DH has gone too far and there can be no way back from this. He has told you what kind of creep he is so believe him and leave him. This is a point of no return. I'm sorry OP, you deserve better than this.

TheGentleOpalMember · 06/04/2025 05:45

Hilly25 · 05/04/2025 22:03

I wasn’t in any of the photos, and he was very specific in naming my friend and not me! Not that it would make me feel any better

It’s triggering because he said something about my friend in the past which I let slide (about her bum) again when drunk but it all makes sense now that he has obviously had a thing for her going back years.

Show quote history

He can't deny it because you saw the photos on his phone.

Sorry but no, I could not get past this. He has many photos of your friend, and only her by herself. I would leave. I honestly would you will never get over those images, and you know it. The marriage is over.

photostoogood · 06/04/2025 05:58

You’ll never trust him again op. How awkward your friend comes round for a takeaway and your husbands sat there, you knowing he fancies her and has wank material of her on his phone! Imagine that kind of situation. So you either cut contact with your best friend who has done fuck all wrong here apart from be a woman or you separate from your dh because he has been a disgusting selfish man who you’ll never look at in the same way again.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 06/04/2025 06:39

MN is the wrong place to post this stuff, OP. Of course you're going to get a bunch of LTBs.

There's no law that says people can't find others attractive after they marry. It must have been a gut-punch to find out that he fancies your friend, but on the flip side, it "frees" you to find others attractive too. Why don't you get some photos of people you fancy and get to work with a vibrator, too?

I don't think it's a marriage-breaker that he fancies your friend - I'm sure he doesn't actually want to be with her and it's you that he loves. But it was a terrible mistake on his part to tell you about it.

I think you should communicate with him about it. Don't let him get out of the conversation.

LoudSnoringDog · 06/04/2025 06:39

Ewww how disgusting

dunroamingfornow · 06/04/2025 06:41

No. So sorry

FlamboyantlyIncognito · 06/04/2025 06:42

I'm a bloke (for clarity)....... right up to the bit where you wrote about him cutting/editing pictures up, I was going to write 'there's two sides to the story/takes both of you to make the sex side of things work'..... but his admission of doing what he's done and proving it to you (however drunk) is....... not good.

It's not even occurred to me to do that (and your post got me thinking it has to be said) but there's a line you know? (or should be).

Perhaps other men do it and I'm just old fashioned? (I'm in my 50's) - perhaps it's a younger generation thing.

Another poster wrote about blokes being weird little creatures or borgs. I can assure her that we aren't borgs (but yes, perhaps weird - although that could be described as 'unique' and there is a huge difference between us fellas. I'm lucky enough to have 4 v v close friends and we are all seriously different). We are not all like the blokes portrayed on mumsnet (where, naturally, some of the more extreme examples of human behaviour and humans overall are described).

Got to say though that this behaviour of the op's husband is definitely not good imo whether the sex is bad or not. That goes far deeper than just a lack of sex. Has implications right across the board (of entire gamut of the relationship). I actually think he's ill.

We all know that kids/life/schooling/financial pressures/older parents/illness/just life you know? changes things in the relationship (particularly for the woman imo) in that sex and desire (on the woman's side) becomes driven far more from the emotional support side of the relationship bracket than the physical stymulus side (oh look, hubby has a 6 pack). The triggers for a good sex life are far more in the head (so to speak) than physical, speaking from experience. I know because I've been found wanting on that front I'm afraid. Took me a v v long time to work it out.

Also - don't get pissed with your husband - far better to stagger things so one drinks on a night out whilst the other doesn't - saves you both from terrible arguments at 1am (but his photo editing exploits needed to come out actually regardless).

Purplecatshopaholic · 06/04/2025 06:46

I’m sorry op, but I don’t think there’s any way back from this either. He admitted to wanking over your friend! And showed you photos! Jeez. You will never know if he is thinking about her - how could you ever have sex with him again. Ugh.