Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner won't put me on deeds !!

136 replies

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 18:24

Hi, my ex partner and i have been seeing each other for a couple of months to see if we can rescue our long term relationship (25 years)...he asked me to go back a few months ago and he said he'd put me on the deeds of the house..but after talking to him today he said he wanted to see where the relationship went before moving forward with that!!
This causes a massive problem for me because I think he doesn't see me has his equal...after everything I've put into the property I think I deserve something...am I being unreasonable? I can't see a way forward tbh if we can't get past this...

OP posts:
Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 05/04/2025 18:26

Can you prove that you have contributed a significant amount of money to the property? If so then maybe you should talk to a solicitor and see what your options are.

rubyslippers · 05/04/2025 18:28

If he hasn’t acted in the last 25 years, he has no reason to now
Without being married you really need to understand your entitlement
id not get back with him and get urgent legal advice

Itisjustmyopinion · 05/04/2025 18:30

If I was in your partner’s shoes I wouldn’t be putting you on the deeds just yet either

You have only been back together a few months after a break up. How do either of you know it’s going to work long term?

He has to protect himself as much as you want to be in the deeds to have security. That is something you do when you are both absolutely sure this is a long term thing

Glitchymn1 · 05/04/2025 18:30

Did you buy the property together?
How did you split bills etc?
You'd need to see a solicitor really…

faerietales · 05/04/2025 18:34

I wouldn't put you on the deeds either in his shoes.

Original poster
Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 18:38

I paid for double glazed doors and flooring, furnishings etc and half of the bills every month.
I left with absolutely nothing except my clothes.
I saw a solicitor and he said that I'd have an expensive fight on my hands if I wanted to take him to court.
I just see him in a different light now tbh , I thought he cared deeply about me but if he did then why not help me financially.

OP posts:
faerietales · 05/04/2025 18:40

He had 25 years to put you on the deeds (or marry you) but chose not to.

Why on earth would he do it now?

DelphiniumBlue · 05/04/2025 18:41

Why did you split up?
I’d have thought that if he wants you back permanently he’d be offering to marry you after such a long relationship.
How committed is he?

BeeCucumber · 05/04/2025 18:42

Why didn’t you just get married 25 years ago?

spicemaiden · 05/04/2025 18:42

Just walk away. There’s no runway left.

usersldjfksdoi · 05/04/2025 18:43

The time to be asking this is not when you are an 'ex partner' and trying to 'rescue' a relationship.

The time to sort it is right at the start of the 25 years.

Why would he do this now if he hasn't for 25 years?

spicemaiden · 05/04/2025 18:44

You’ve been taken for a mug. You’ve improved a Hoise you had no claim to. You are on a hiding to nowhere.

walk away and start again and do not give your hard earned money to a wanker who will use it gif his own gains again.

Ihitthetarget · 05/04/2025 18:45

As a fellow 'cohabitee' rather than spouse, I understand where you're coming from.

However, if I were him and things are still quite rocky, I would not put you on deeds yet either. Have you been contributing to the mortgage or in other ways on top of bills all these years ie childcare so he can earn? If not, he could say you've benefitted by living rent free all this time... If you want the relationship back I'd work at that, and revisit when things feel more solid...

Original poster
Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 18:45

@DelphiniumBlue there were a few reasons tbh..I felt like he deserved a sexual relationship with someone else because I couldn't give him one and also he'd been messaging a ex girlfriend from before we met saying they were soulmates and meant to be together etc...

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 05/04/2025 18:45

It’s a lot harder to break up and move on when you’re financially tied. If there’s a decent chance you aren’t going to make this relationship work (and it sounds like that may very likely be the case, from your subsequent posts) then just keep on living your own life, with separate finances, saving your own money away for what is likely going to be a future on your own. Then you can end the relationship if you need to on your own terms without having to fight for your own stake.

It sounds like a fairly shit relationship. There are a lot of problems and you resent a lot of the past. Is it really worth it?

GirlOverboard123 · 05/04/2025 18:47

But he has been helping you financially, hasn’t he? You say in your other thread that you’re financially much better off living with him, which is why you were considering getting back together. You said you don’t love him and you don’t want a sexual relationship with him. He would have to be very foolish to put you on the deeds now.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 05/04/2025 18:47

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 18:38

I paid for double glazed doors and flooring, furnishings etc and half of the bills every month.
I left with absolutely nothing except my clothes.
I saw a solicitor and he said that I'd have an expensive fight on my hands if I wanted to take him to court.
I just see him in a different light now tbh , I thought he cared deeply about me but if he did then why not help me financially.

I would move right back out, he will never see you as an equal, only a lodger.

To be honest, the amount you have put into the house is still cheaper than paying 25yrs of rent as a single person.

You can leave him and succeed on your own.

Original poster
Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 18:48

@Ihitthetarget I looked after the children and worked part time all the time we were together, ì took a hit on my pension because of this.
I paid half the bills but he paid mortgage.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 05/04/2025 18:48

Why didn’t he put you on the mortgage and deeds about 20 years ago? The ship has sailed. You should have been contributing equitably to a joint home and you both should have been on the deeds when you decided the relationship was a serious one and you were going to financially throw your lot in together. I’ve worked PT and earn considerably less than my Dh. We are joint tenants on our house and I’ve been on the mortgage from the very start. At this late stage, I think your past it though.

spicemaiden · 05/04/2025 18:50

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 18:45

@DelphiniumBlue there were a few reasons tbh..I felt like he deserved a sexual relationship with someone else because I couldn't give him one and also he'd been messaging a ex girlfriend from before we met saying they were soulmates and meant to be together etc...

Seriously just walk away.

Hes a prick and he’s persuaded you to financially contribute to his house.

Hes gif what he wants and more going by your previous posts

If you’ll let him he will continue to royally screw you

VanCleefArpels · 05/04/2025 18:50

You have left yourself in a very vulnerable position but I guess you know this. Your ex deserves a fulfilling relationship in all senses of that expression.

faerietales · 05/04/2025 18:50

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 18:48

@Ihitthetarget I looked after the children and worked part time all the time we were together, ì took a hit on my pension because of this.
I paid half the bills but he paid mortgage.

Then you put yourself in a very, very vulnerable position and are now paying the price for that.

Original poster
Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 18:54

@GirlOverboard123 he's not helping me financially, I live in a rented property and pay my own way ...he wanted me to move back into the house that I'd previously lived in with him.
I do love him but I'm not in love with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 19:02

@mindutopia I never felt I had a voice in my relationship until a few years ago tbh...I think menopause gave me more of a voice..
We had children and shared everything...I asked to be but on mortgage but he never got around to it and last year he paid it off altogether but still didn't put me on the deeds...

OP posts:
redphonecase · 05/04/2025 19:03

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 18:48

@Ihitthetarget I looked after the children and worked part time all the time we were together, ì took a hit on my pension because of this.
I paid half the bills but he paid mortgage.

Well you were very foolish to do this without being married. As 5 minutes on MN would have told you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread