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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner won't put me on deeds !!

136 replies

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 18:24

Hi, my ex partner and i have been seeing each other for a couple of months to see if we can rescue our long term relationship (25 years)...he asked me to go back a few months ago and he said he'd put me on the deeds of the house..but after talking to him today he said he wanted to see where the relationship went before moving forward with that!!
This causes a massive problem for me because I think he doesn't see me has his equal...after everything I've put into the property I think I deserve something...am I being unreasonable? I can't see a way forward tbh if we can't get past this...

OP posts:
Original poster
Stockgirl · 06/04/2025 21:28

@Poppyseeds79 He retired early and had a large payout from his company.

OP posts:
Sassybooklover · 06/04/2025 21:55

Did your partner own the house before you met? Or did you both choose the house together but it's only his name on the mortgage and deeds? If the latter, what were his reasonings behind you not going on the mortgage and deeds, at the time of purchase? It would be odd to choose a house together but only one person go on the deeds and mortgage. If he owned the house prior to you meeting, then I fully understand why he never added you to the deeds or mortgage initially. As time passed though, and especially as children came along, I would have expected him to add you to both. It's a simple process! Did you both ever discuss marriage? Was it something neither of you wanted? I'm sorry to say, I agree with others, he's not going to add you to the deeds (especially as the mortgage has been paid off). He hasn't in the 25 years you've been together, there's zero reason for him to do this now. You don't need me or anyone else to tell you that you made a huge error in not marrying, because you'd now be entitled to a divorce settlement. As it stands your partner has no legal obligation to give you any financial settlement or help. You have no legal claim on any of his assets - house, savings, pensions etc. You need to cut your losses, and accept your partner won't be giving you a penny.

Original poster
Stockgirl · 07/04/2025 05:18

@Sassybooklover We chose the house together, I was heavily pregnant and not well so he did all the paperwork on his own , he said we'd sort it at a later date.
We had been engaged for 20 years but never got around to marrying , just life got in the way I guess.
I think from everyone's comments that the best thing I can do is move on from this and try to make a life for myself without him in it , I'm always going to feel that I've been treated unfairly by him if I'm honest.

OP posts:
U53rName · 07/04/2025 06:11

Of course you’re going to feel like you’ve been treated unfairly! He Future Faked you with marriage, the mortgage, a lump sum, and the deeds. He also faked you into investing in home improvements (which i would’ve thought gave you a claim to the house). The icing on the cake is the emotional affair. You’ve been conned, which is a bitter pill to swallow.

Jillybloop393 · 07/04/2025 08:10

Itisjustmyopinion · 05/04/2025 18:30

If I was in your partner’s shoes I wouldn’t be putting you on the deeds just yet either

You have only been back together a few months after a break up. How do either of you know it’s going to work long term?

He has to protect himself as much as you want to be in the deeds to have security. That is something you do when you are both absolutely sure this is a long term thing

This. Sorry, but I'd be like him, and reluctant to share my all with someone that I'd only just got back with. In fact, I'd be highly suspicious as to the reason they got back with me, if all they did was insist on going on my deeds - those old red flags would be waving!

OmegaAlpha · 07/04/2025 08:57

Stockgirl · 07/04/2025 05:18

@Sassybooklover We chose the house together, I was heavily pregnant and not well so he did all the paperwork on his own , he said we'd sort it at a later date.
We had been engaged for 20 years but never got around to marrying , just life got in the way I guess.
I think from everyone's comments that the best thing I can do is move on from this and try to make a life for myself without him in it , I'm always going to feel that I've been treated unfairly by him if I'm honest.

When I split up from my partner, one of the pieces of legal advice I had was that if you were engaged, or you were under the understanding that you would be married, then you could have a legal case for some sort of payment/dues. There is a term for it, which I can't find at present - my will had 'in contemplation of marriage' or 'expectation of marriage' at the time, so something similar, but perhaps check that out. To be engaged for 20 years, have children with this person, to the detriment of your own earnings and future prospects/security, might have some standing in law.

redphonecase · 07/04/2025 10:55

OmegaAlpha · 07/04/2025 08:57

When I split up from my partner, one of the pieces of legal advice I had was that if you were engaged, or you were under the understanding that you would be married, then you could have a legal case for some sort of payment/dues. There is a term for it, which I can't find at present - my will had 'in contemplation of marriage' or 'expectation of marriage' at the time, so something similar, but perhaps check that out. To be engaged for 20 years, have children with this person, to the detriment of your own earnings and future prospects/security, might have some standing in law.

Show quote history

That sounds exceptionally difficult to prove and unlikely to be true.

BurntBroccoli · 07/04/2025 11:03

Stockgirl · 07/04/2025 05:18

@Sassybooklover We chose the house together, I was heavily pregnant and not well so he did all the paperwork on his own , he said we'd sort it at a later date.
We had been engaged for 20 years but never got around to marrying , just life got in the way I guess.
I think from everyone's comments that the best thing I can do is move on from this and try to make a life for myself without him in it , I'm always going to feel that I've been treated unfairly by him if I'm honest.

Feel for you - he sounds an awful man. No way would I want to reconcile with him.

Did you put any cash deposit into the house by any chance? And can you prove it? That really is your money by rights.

OmegaAlpha · 07/04/2025 11:14

redphonecase · 07/04/2025 10:55

That sounds exceptionally difficult to prove and unlikely to be true.

Show quote history

well it's true in that I was told this, by a legal adviser given to me through work, but I have no idea whether anything could come from it. Just an avenue to explore, even if it turns out to be a dead end

CoastalCalm · 07/04/2025 11:28

Your motive isn’t clear in one post you say it’s only to protect your son who still lives there and in the next it’s to increase your standard of living - how would owning half a house you didn’t sell increase your standard of living ?

He should have paid you back for the work on the structure of the house but you only paid half the bills which seems fair to me:

If you really want to just protect your son then push him to make a will , and then walk away and stand on your own two feet - presumably he is covering all the costs for your son now so that will benefit you and you can work full time

SomethingSScintillating · 07/04/2025 12:23

@Jillybloop393 on the other hand maybe it's the very least he can do after financially leaving his partner of 25 years and the mother of his children high and dry.

To try and woo her back and share a life with her again as a couple maybe it's the very least he can do.

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